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Re: Re:kabu
Good for you dear friend. How strong and fair you are.
posted by
Kabu
on September 4, 2014 at 2:52 PM
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JS
The breakdown in a relationship is never just one person's fault - but the very claim that's it's just the other's fault shows that the main responsibility lies with the speaker...
Kabu, Ciel and the others have given you excellent advice already, so I shall just add my best wishes again...
posted by
Nautikos
on September 4, 2014 at 11:18 AM
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Re: jeansaw
a man of few but powerful words. those words have given me a purpose.
posted by
jeansaw
on September 4, 2014 at 9:33 AM
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Re: Here's a technique for managing some of those feelings that persist:
another good technique to help with the ugly feelings. i will take both yours and kabu's advice and try both technique. everyday i feel better, my sisters and i talk and they are being good listeners and sometimes see things in a light i did not see, it helps. i understand more than ever now how connected we are to all our brothers and sisters, the ones we know and the ones we do not know. we all go through the same joys and pains as some others have and it is what connects us and makes us better human beings.
posted by
jeansaw
on September 4, 2014 at 9:30 AM
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Re: NO relationship ending is just one person's fault
i agree with you 100%. it took the two of us to get married and to get divorced. there are many good memories and i have two wonderful supportive sons that i do not know what i would do if i did not have them. i try to dwell on the happy and positive memories in the marriage.
posted by
jeansaw
on September 4, 2014 at 9:22 AM
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Re: adnohr
you rock girl! what a wonderful gift you gave me in this story. one thing i want to do is to get back to being me again. this gave me my laugh of the day.
posted by
jeansaw
on September 4, 2014 at 9:17 AM
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Re:
thanks , hugs are sooooo nice.
posted by
jeansaw
on September 4, 2014 at 9:14 AM
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Re: Taps
so many of my friends have been through this and it helps just to hear them say that it will pass and become just a memory.
posted by
jeansaw
on September 4, 2014 at 9:13 AM
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Re: cct
kind words and they are appreciated. if someone loves you they would love you if your teeth fell out and your hair fell out and you gained a bunch of weight, all of which have happened to me. i have accepted that he just did not love me and that does not make me less of a person. i want to learn from this experience and do better in the future.
posted by
jeansaw
on September 4, 2014 at 9:11 AM
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Re:kabu
you cannot repair anything with a blameless person, but i need to repair me. i need to forgive myself for my mistakes then go on. hopefully i can do it quickly as i want to enjoy the rest of my life.
posted by
jeansaw
on September 4, 2014 at 9:05 AM
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Re: fsi
it was and ciel also gave me one to do and i will be doing both.
posted by
jeansaw
on September 4, 2014 at 9:03 AM
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jeansaw
Get your teeth into what you need. And then feel that fresh feeling love.
posted by
BC-A
on September 4, 2014 at 7:49 AM
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Here's a technique for managing some of those feelings that persist:
In a calm and meditative moment, visualize the bothersome memory as a painting on a wall. Then, by your will, drain all the color out of it, just like draining a bathtub of dirty water. You can imagine a whole gallery at once, or an album, without even having to study each picture, or revisit all that pain.
You don't lose the images, the memories--they just lose their emotional content and the means to hurt you.
posted by
Ciel
on September 4, 2014 at 5:59 AM
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NO relationship ending is just one person's fault
You may had made your mistakes but there is usually a great deal more to the story than I did this, this and this and I was the only one who did anything wrong.
posted by
Bel_Marshall
on September 3, 2014 at 10:19 PM
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Yes, Kabu did give you a good suggestion, and please read at least twice what CCT commented . I can remember a breakup (not a divorce, but it sure hurt at the time) where my ex-love, who was with another girl, asked me to return a beautiful knit sweater he had given me. It was his sweater, but I loved wearing big, floppy sweaters, and he knew how much I liked it. I gave it back to him in front of a few of our friends, all neatly unravelled and rolled into a ball. It took me hours, but the look on his face and the laughter of the others got me out of the turmoil and started me back on being ME again.
posted by
adnohr
on September 3, 2014 at 7:51 PM
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posted by
lovelyladymonk
on September 3, 2014 at 5:29 PM
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I know how you are hurting because I have been through that. Even though it was years ago I remember the hurt like it was yesterday. Kabu gave you a good suggestion.
posted by
TAPS.
on September 3, 2014 at 3:46 PM
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Jean do not be silly. Just because you did not agree with everything does not make you a worthless person. Everyone argues at times, it is human nature. I have seen women who just agree with everything the husband says or does and they are emotionally dead.
Just because your husband does not find you attractive does not mean that is true.
It is just one man's opinion among thousands. Go and have your teeth fixed, I personally think you are a really nice person and believe me one can feel it in your writing. Most women would have not had the courage to wish an ex good luck, you have grit.
posted by
C_C_T
on September 3, 2014 at 12:28 PM
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one day darling, he will understand that it takes two, no marriage failing can be all one person's fault...even if it is just the fact that they should never have gone into the marriage in the first place.
I find it difficult to believe actually that you need to carry the blame...he has always seemed to me, even though you have kept loyal to him in your writing, that he is pretty immature.
sending big hugs and positive thoughts.
posted by
Kabu
on September 3, 2014 at 12:25 PM
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That is a great idea that Kabu has there.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on September 3, 2014 at 11:40 AM
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