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Re:
You're absolutely right, Amanda, and that's the way I have to look at it. What's in the past is in the past. No use crying over split milk, as they say. It's much more important now that I concentrate on helping my sister through her difficult time . . . 
posted by
JimmyA
on January 16, 2014 at 1:39 PM
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Jimmy,
You are a respectful guy. My heart goes out to you and your sister. If you are upset, I don't blame you. You got a much better woman in the end.
posted by
Amanda__
on January 16, 2014 at 11:57 AM
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Re:
Very true, Annicita. It's much more important to me to help my sister deal with this traumatic situation than it would be to stew over something that not only didn't I have any control over, but happened a long time ago! Believe me, I'm happy with my life, and must now do my best to make my sister happy with hers . . . 
posted by
JimmyA
on January 12, 2014 at 9:43 AM
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Re:
That's what I'm attempting to do, Utah. Fortunately, I never, ever see my ex, even in passing. In fact, I don't believe I've actually crossed paths with her since we broke up! Obviously, it just wasn't meant to be. But I can comfort myself somewhat by saying that at least I was faithful . . .
posted by
JimmyA
on January 12, 2014 at 9:41 AM
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Re:
Ouch, lustor! Yes, I believe that would have made things much, much worse, had my brother-in-law actually fathered another woman's child! But I suppose continuously cheating on your spouse throughout a 30 year marriage is almost as bad. It's a shame. My sister is one of the sweetest people you'd ever meet, and did not deserve this! Hopefully she'll be much happier now . . .
posted by
JimmyA
on January 12, 2014 at 9:39 AM
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Re:
Thanks, Carolyn. Yeah, apparently 'sexual indiscretion' knows no gender . . . it could happen to anyone. But I am thankful that, if something like this was inevitable concerning my ex's behavior, it happened before we got married! Otherwise, my sister and I would have ended up in literally the same boat . . . 
posted by
JimmyA
on January 12, 2014 at 9:35 AM
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Re:
That's very true, C C T. If I had gotten married to my ex, and then something like this would have happened, things would probably have been much, much worse! No, I can move on with no qualms, knowing that I am currently with my dream woman with no regrets. Like I wrote, I was really more concerned with my sister's feelings. All I can do now is be supportive, and help her through this difficult time in her life . . .
posted by
JimmyA
on January 12, 2014 at 9:33 AM
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Re: JimmyA
That's all too true, Justi. My sister is not the vengeful type, and is not looking to "even the score" or even rake my brother-in-law over the coals. She is asking very little, and would prefer that quick, clean break, ready to simply move on. Believe it or not, she is already seeing another man, a widower, and a really nice guy, who is already treating her like the queen she is. I'll think she'll be happy . . .
posted by
JimmyA
on January 12, 2014 at 9:30 AM
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Re:
It is hard sometimes, FSI, to really know how one may react to something like that. We often hear of other people's woes, and may not take them too seriously . . . until it happens to us! But again, since my ex and I broke many, many moons ago, the affect is not as sharp as it might have been for other people. I'm actually comfortable with it, and am not going to allow it to affect anything in my life right now . . .
posted by
JimmyA
on January 12, 2014 at 9:27 AM
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Re: Jimmy
That's really how I am interpreting it, Naut. If it had been more recent, or if my ex and I were still together ( actually having gotten married ) then I think I would probably be talking to divorce lawyers too . . .
posted by
JimmyA
on January 12, 2014 at 9:24 AM
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Re: JimmyA
That's true, Sir Wiley. Everyone, including my sister's children, are completely on her side. She knows the support she will be, and is, getting. And you're right . . . I'm not going to let it bother me!
posted by
JimmyA
on January 12, 2014 at 9:23 AM
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Re:
Don't worry, Kabu. It's the same with my family. We are all very close, and my sister knows very well the support she will get from her siblings. Like I wrote, her little bombshell was probably more hurtful for her than it was for me. If my ex-fiance and I were actually still together, it may be a whole other matter. But now . . . 
posted by
JimmyA
on January 12, 2014 at 9:21 AM
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I think your attitude is right. Don't let it bother you but rather be there for your sister. The woman is part of your past not your present.
posted by
Annicita
on January 11, 2014 at 11:54 PM
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I think you are right. Sometimes it is best to let the past stay in the past.
posted by
UtahJay
on January 11, 2014 at 1:22 PM
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my ex was like that too and had another child out of wedlock which was before we were married but it is strange to find this out after almost 50 years
posted by
Lanetay
on January 11, 2014 at 9:31 AM
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and a lot of women are philanderers in their own right... divorce is so painful for all involved. i'll pray for your sister, her ex and the family.
posted by
Carolyn_Moe
on January 11, 2014 at 3:12 AM
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No you should feel happy, evidently you did not know that woman at all, obviously it would have gone from bad to worse and Jimmy you would not be the rare happy man you are today.
You were lucky you met a good decent woman, there are no Angels, but there are
some above average in quality and faithfulness.
posted by
C_C_T
on January 11, 2014 at 12:37 AM
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JimmyA
Let sleeping dogs lie. You have no reason to feel anything about that misshap, it is over you are fortunate in finding the lady you have. Your sister needs a clean cut, forgive him in order to cut herself free from such dregs and go on with her life without thinking of him at all. The man is sick. Whatever she has to do to get away from him.
posted by
Justi
on January 10, 2014 at 7:38 PM
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I am not sure how I would feel. Often, there have been times when I thought I would feel a certain way and/or undertake a course of action in the event of particular scenarios. However, the situation would happen, and I would not feel the way in which I expected and/or did not take my expected course of action.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on January 10, 2014 at 5:46 PM
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Jimmy
Water under the bridge, old boy...
posted by
Nautikos
on January 10, 2014 at 5:07 PM
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JimmyA
I wouldn't be bothered if I was you, not your problem and the lawyers will take care of your sister and she can lean on you and your wife.
posted by
WileyJohn
on January 10, 2014 at 5:02 PM
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Both my ex. husbands cheated on me and I didn't know about it for a long time. When I found out I felt glad that they were part of the past. They didn't deserve me. Your sister deserves all of your support.I know that for me close family were everything.
posted by
Kabu
on January 10, 2014 at 4:31 PM
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