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- Go to MY LADY'S STORY - PART 3
adnohr, you certainly create a living breathing suspense...
As the girl runs towards the fence and the freedom beyond it, one gasps as she reaches it, only to fall in a heap of exhaustion on the danger side of the fence. I found myself running with her, encouraging her..
..
posted by
Rumor
on September 1, 2013 at 9:02 AM
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Thank you TAPS!
Greatly appreciated coming for a writer like you!
posted by
adnohr
on August 24, 2013 at 9:15 PM
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Thank you, Justi. I am sure in the work you are doing you
have heard of similar situations.
posted by
adnohr
on August 24, 2013 at 9:14 PM
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Thank you Butterfly.
For some reason I have lost the link to your blog, but will be in to see you shortly.
posted by
adnohr
on August 24, 2013 at 9:13 PM
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She isn't Indian, Jay, but loves toplay cowboys and indians, and has a
great admiration for Indians. You will see why as the story goes on.Realism is what I am striving for, but so sorry that it brings up bad memories for you. And I am happy that you feel the same as I do about Blogit members.
posted by
adnohr
on August 24, 2013 at 9:12 PM
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It will come Dr JPT!
posted by
adnohr
on August 24, 2013 at 9:10 PM
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Is that how you do it, Pat_B?
I tend to ramble on when I'm writing away, then find so many words that could be cut out when I re-read it.
posted by
adnohr
on August 24, 2013 at 9:09 PM
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Good points, CCT, and they will all come out.
As the story goes on, readers wil learn how she escapes, why all the blood and how she reacts to the rape when the shock wears off.
posted by
adnohr
on August 24, 2013 at 9:08 PM
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Thanks, Bro!
Paddy is the name of one of the 2 Scotch Collies.
posted by
adnohr
on August 24, 2013 at 9:06 PM
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Thank you, Naut!
posted by
adnohr
on August 24, 2013 at 9:03 PM
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Good, FSI!
posted by
adnohr
on August 24, 2013 at 9:03 PM
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She is brave, Kabu, and very wise too.
posted by
adnohr
on August 24, 2013 at 9:02 PM
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I don't think you need much advice. All I can say is keep the posts coming.
posted by
TAPS.
on August 23, 2013 at 8:32 PM
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This is great. I wanted to run help her and break the man's head with a tree or something. It is great. I have no criticism.
posted by
Justi
on August 22, 2013 at 4:01 PM
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Excellent reading! You kept me captivated to the end.
posted by
Butterfly-1950
on August 22, 2013 at 2:24 PM
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I had no idea she was an Indian woman in your story. I have no Indian blood in me, but I do have a real love in my soul for the Indian people. This makes more and more sense to me now and is so well written that I can find no problems with any of it (other than the subject matter which is just painful for me read) but that is because of how realistic it is.Only a true artist, and a wonderful writer could do this. I want to thank you so much for your kind words yesterday, they meant the world to me and lifted my spirits. This is what is so wonderful about being a part of the Blogit family, the real and true caring of the members we become friends with.
posted by
UtahJay
on August 22, 2013 at 8:35 AM
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Waiting for pain inflicted in mental anguish of that predator.
posted by
Dr_JPT
on August 22, 2013 at 7:12 AM
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Keep going. Don't edit yet.
After the story cools and you see where it's going, that's time enough to tidy up any loose ends or insert more info. I could feel the cold water, the wet fabric of her dress grasping at her legs - excellent, compelling. This kid's a survivor.
posted by
Pat_B
on August 22, 2013 at 5:23 AM
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Quite realistic Adnohr I don't know if she would lose that amount of blood,
but you know better than I do, now if you bonk the rapist in the next installment
it will be greeted with enthusiasm by most but it will be a very slim book.
This is how stories should be told on Blogit. Alas not much profit in this medium.
You could have elaborated by explaining how she wriggled free of her restraints
in the hut she would have to have been tied loosely and if so why did she submit
so easily. Sorry to be a pain but it is what readers wonder.
I think you could have made a lot more out of the rape scene,
not the physical but the mental torture involved.
I suppose this could be a prelude to the hunt for the rapist and his further foul deeds.
posted by
C_C_T
on August 22, 2013 at 12:14 AM
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adnohr
With a Paddy comin' to help her, sure I have to be back with the same thrill I get from turning a page in a Grisham book. You are good kiddo.
posted by
WileyJohn
on August 21, 2013 at 8:09 PM
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adnohr
Very well done! This is the best part yet! You are really conveying her hurt and her fear extremely well in those short staccato sentences...Excellent!
posted by
Nautikos
on August 21, 2013 at 7:13 PM
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You have us pulling for her.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on August 21, 2013 at 7:02 PM
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I am not much of a critic...My heart is pounding, I am terrified into reading it as quick as I can...Now of course I am hanging on the fence!!!!!! I really want this killer to be caught for what he has done and to stop him from continuing. Can this brave Child outwit him......
posted by
Kabu
on August 21, 2013 at 4:29 PM
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