Go to Life in the fast lane--where's the on ramp?
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it's easier to love someone when they are gone then when they are still with us. i would do as the others suggested and contact the veterans admin to see if you can find out more about him...maybe even have contact with those with whom he served....good luck and hope you are able to move forward with your life...happy new year
posted by
Annicita
on December 29, 2012 at 11:25 PM
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Pat
The man is becoming multi-dimensional, and the book will be that much better for it...
posted by
Nautikos
on December 29, 2012 at 8:35 PM
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PatB
You have been through a lot of pain and certainly awakened memories of divorce in me from my first wife. When we split I had 3 of the 5 chidren, then 4, then 5 so I have no guilts about non-support. Of course her tongue, talked all of her hate into the children carrying a lot of venom so I don't know my boys anymore and only 2 of my girls.Pat you know you can go online, get the military pages, type in your dad's name, rank and serial number and if it's like here you'll find out all sorts of information about your dad. I've found peace with the following: "Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them;rarely, if ever,do they forgive them. (Oscar Wilde)"
posted by
WileyJohn
on December 29, 2012 at 7:20 PM
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Obviously we all need to know something of our parents and even now
you are grappling with a shadow, trying to touch something solid. I think that your post yesterday showed that you are on a good path to finding something about him that you can build on. Your Mother had children with your Dad. She loved you all so fiercly she almost forgot to let you know as she worked real hard. There has to be clues in all that.
posted by
Kabu
on December 29, 2012 at 3:43 PM
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I think I understand your mother's ambivalence.
When you become attached to a man who seems to fulfill your needs and your dreams, he is real in your mind, in your heart. You come to trust that man, and look to him for truth and honesty and loyalty.
When that man betrays all those things, and turns out to be an entirely different kind of man, the kind who charms and then abandons... you still wish for the first one to return. You know he is real, he is in there somewhere... you could not have been so devastatingly wrong about him, so fooled, so self-betrayed.
She didn't mourn the second, but the first man she knew, and perhaps dreamed of coming back to her.
Of course, the man himself, is neither of those images, but greatly more complex and entirely human.
posted by
Ciel
on December 29, 2012 at 9:33 AM
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Well you could not afford to love him Pat. It would have drained you.
posted by
C_C_T
on December 29, 2012 at 7:39 AM
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