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A lot of intensity here with this poem.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on October 4, 2012 at 9:47 AM
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quick edits....heartbeat, half-hearted, in the last 1/2 of poem using are a lot...try to use action verbs instead....will amp up the intensity 
great poem...keep it up!
posted by
Annicita
on October 4, 2012 at 5:52 AM
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wow, this one is intesnse and brilliant
posted by
lionreign
on October 4, 2012 at 4:57 AM
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Very deep and though provoking...and a little scary. Bravo!
posted by
adnohr
on October 4, 2012 at 1:36 AM
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UtahJay
ZI get your drift beautifully Jay.BC-A, Bill’s R®st
posted by
BC-A
on October 3, 2012 at 11:41 PM
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You are rattling through them Jay evidently pleasing well done.
posted by
C_C_T
on October 3, 2012 at 10:52 PM
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Excellent work Utah - Great job here, just loved it.
posted by
shobana
on October 3, 2012 at 10:49 PM
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You have a lot in that one. Good work!
posted by
TAPS.
on October 3, 2012 at 9:16 PM
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Innocent eye
posted by
afzal50
on October 3, 2012 at 8:38 PM
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