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Re:
I am thinking she is starting to see the reall man
posted by
Lanetay
on September 7, 2012 at 8:18 AM
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I cannot speak from actual experience ( since I have no children ) but I think I would have a difficult time staying "neutral" if I felt one of my children may be in a situation where they could potentially be hurt. I have to assume that it's a tough balancing act to maintain. It sounds to me that he is not much of a responsible person, and your daughter may be "blinded" by love. Everyone learns from their mistakes, but some mistakes can be devastating, whether you learn from them or not. I hope it works out . . . for everybody! 
posted by
JimmyA
on September 7, 2012 at 5:09 AM
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Re:
I hope they can work these problems out, thank you for your positive thoughts and prayers
posted by
Lanetay
on September 6, 2012 at 9:17 PM
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I wish the best for them, and for you.
I have no advice at all, only positive thoughts and prayers.
posted by
TAPS.
on September 6, 2012 at 8:29 PM
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Re: lustorlove
i hope things improve for her
posted by
Lanetay
on September 6, 2012 at 7:01 PM
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lustorlove
All you can do is be there as you are for your daughter,God Bless you luv.
posted by
WileyJohn
on September 6, 2012 at 5:50 PM
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Re:
thank you it seems so many people understand this feeling, I think she is seeing him for who he really is
posted by
Lanetay
on September 6, 2012 at 2:45 PM
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Oh, LOL, I understand why you want your daughter to read my poem now. I'm so sorry for what's going on with your daughter. I'm a mother of two boys, both teenagers. My youngest is 15 and my oldest is 18 (he thinks he's 30 though). When I was pregnant I prayed for boys because I kept thinking that with girls if she happens to get pregnant (or as in your case marries and has troubles) you get the baby, the boyfriend/husband, and the worries, with boys if he gets a girl pregnant or has marital problems I'd be able to say, "honey I love you, I love your kids, I'm here for you if you need me, but go live with her family" Now that my son is grown, I know how unrealistic that thought was. I worry constantly about my oldes son. If he's not at home and I hear an ambulance go by I find myself saying a silent prayer, "please, universal powers that be, don't let it be my baby"
Prison changes people LOL, always for the worse. There are things that happen there that the person will NEVER be able to share, with anyone, even themselves sometimes. After being released it takes time for the mind and spirit to be released. It's almost like being shell shocked. If you've ever been on a ship for an extended period and experienced the feeling of being off balance when you get back on land...it's similar to that but it takes longer, a year, sometimes more, to get back to "normal" everything is scary. You're always looking over your back, and constantly guarded. He's in a place where, if he hasn't already done so, he's susceptible to running into his comfort zone, which for him, may or may not be meth, just to feel "normal" again. I tell you this from personal experience. I got into some trouble over 20 years ago that changed me forever, I've also worked as a counselor and was able to get into in depth conversations with people about their experiences and feelings surrounding this very same issue. I can't even begin to suggest what you could tell your daughter, or what she might do. I share this only to give you some insight (which for all I know you may already have) and hopefully some understanding, as to what's going on inside him. Feel free to message me if you have questions or would like to chat more for support, mother to mother. I hope this helps in some small way LOL.
posted by
RamfamilyWritings
on September 6, 2012 at 1:04 PM
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Re:
maybe she is just now seeing the real person
posted by
Lanetay
on September 6, 2012 at 10:24 AM
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I wonder how things are going to end up.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on September 6, 2012 at 9:36 AM
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Re: LUSTOR
thank you I will
posted by
Lanetay
on September 6, 2012 at 8:03 AM
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LUSTOR
It may be a thing only she can learn for herself. Just love her and let her make up her mind. I am so sorry this is happening.
posted by
Justi
on September 6, 2012 at 12:21 AM
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Re:
I try more now because she doesnt want me to ask
posted by
Lanetay
on September 5, 2012 at 11:20 PM
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No one likes to admit they might have made an error in judgment. that is something she needs to discover on her own. the best you can do is just be there to listen and be supportive. just be careful not to say anything against him. it could cause her to dig her heels in even more instead of saying i need to get out of this
posted by
Annicita
on September 5, 2012 at 10:58 PM
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Re: you are right, time will tell, but how sad, to both work so hard and
its not illegal here but its expensive and he cant use it on probabtion but he was a heavy user, I dont know what to think
posted by
Lanetay
on September 5, 2012 at 10:09 PM
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you are right, time will tell, but how sad, to both work so hard and
have the cash instead of going towards making a future for them both, he is feeding into a Casino where we know one can't win.
isn't marijuana illegal as well???? do you think that being inside has really harmed him and perhaps he needs some help. He may have PTSD.
posted by
Kabu
on September 5, 2012 at 9:06 PM
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Re: Difficult
she gets upset if I ask too much so I just let her tell me
posted by
Lanetay
on September 5, 2012 at 8:53 PM
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Difficult
This is difficult. The trauma of incarceration can have a life changing effect on some depending upon their original stability. As I mention previously, my brother is incarcerated. Today I learned that his attorney wants him to take a plea for 6 years. It is so devastating because he was manipulated and abused for years. Due to his religious convictions, he did not want to divorce nor leave the stable family he had worked hard to care for over 40 years.
I have been dealing with this and it is awful!! Be there for your daughter, yet also encourage her to consider her long termswell being.
posted by
Dr_JPT
on September 5, 2012 at 8:29 PM
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