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Re:
That was wonderful, calia. See? It really does pay to pay attention, and I suppose not just to your significant other! Thanks for sharing. 
posted by
JimmyA
on September 5, 2012 at 8:34 AM
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I love that you pay attention to your wife's interests like that! I have found unique joy in giving gifts these last couple of years, and I really try to pick up on these things for all of the people on my list for Christmas. A few years ago, I had neighbors that I was really close with, and I kind of did the same thing you did, paid attention to what they spoke passionately about, and materialized that into a gift when it came time. When they opened their gifts (I got him a wood burning kit, and her a pair of pretty blown-glass earrings), they were absolutely stunned. "These are some of the nicest gifts we've ever gotten!" she exclaimed, "how did you...?" Definitely beats the cliche candle!
posted by
calia14
on September 5, 2012 at 7:22 AM
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Re: JimmyA
I wasn't really lecturing at anybody. I'm sorry you felt that way.
posted by
JimmyA
on September 5, 2012 at 7:05 AM
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JimmyA
In truth it did strike a bad chord with me, at 76 I hate being lectured to, and it is always my custom to tell the truth about things, so there you have my truth. One has two choices here, bypass a post because you're disturbed by it, or respect the writer in the same way you'd like to be respected and read it and tell that blogger how you feel. 
posted by
WileyJohn
on September 4, 2012 at 8:16 PM
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Re:
I guess, TAPS, that your sister may be generous "to a fault." I suppose that's much better than someone being the complete opposite . . . stingy to a fault! And I don't suppose you'll come across too many four-foot tall fairies while in your sister's presence!
posted by
JimmyA
on September 4, 2012 at 8:19 AM
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Re: JimmyA
No one asked me to do anything, Wiley, and I'm certainly not a shrink! I was merely passing on some thoughts while trying to dispel the myth of "inattentive husbands." Did that somehow strike a bad chord with you? 
posted by
JimmyA
on September 4, 2012 at 8:17 AM
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Re:
So, Annicita, I guess it would be fair to say that he obviously didn't listen to you, if he kept on giving you something that you actually didn't care for. Perhaps he was being somewhat selfish as well, because he probably wanted the cordials for himself anyway. One time, long before my wife and I were married, I playfully snuck up behind her and gave her a start with a simple "Boo!" With bulging eyes and a hand clutched to her chest, she angrily but tactfully informed that she really, really dislikes being frightened like that. I never did it again . . .
posted by
JimmyA
on September 4, 2012 at 8:11 AM
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Re: There are a lot of self centered folk men and women who don't
Of course he is, Kabu. And that's true. One of the things that I believe men and women are truly equal over is their ability to be selfish and disrespectful to their partners. People have often asked me what I feel is the key to a great relationship, and I always answer that I believe it comes in two parts: common courtesy and mutual respect. Just because you place a ring on someone's finger and announce "I do" does not give you the right to suddenly treat them like second-class citizens. Everyone is a "person," and deserves the same treatment you would want for yourself. I can't do enough for my wife, and I let her know how I feel about her each and every day, whether by deeds or by words!
posted by
JimmyA
on September 4, 2012 at 8:04 AM
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Re: Jimmy
That is so true, Naut, and I could do a whole blog on just that topic. You'll notice that in almost every sit-com made in the past 30 years or so, it's always the husband who's the moron, it's the husband who makes all the blunders, being constantly bailed out by his wife, it's always the husband who "screws up" somehow and ends up sleeping on the couch, it's always the husband who's portrayed as insensitive, uncaring, selfish and mean-spirited. And yes, those men do exist out there, but guess what? I know ( and have known ) plenty of women and wives who fit those bills as well! But, it really doesn't matter. I know how I am, and I believe I treat my wife wonderfully, and do all that I can to make her happy, thank you very much!
posted by
JimmyA
on September 4, 2012 at 7:57 AM
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Re:
That's true, luster. Perhaps more men than women are indeed guilty of this particular injustice, but the balance really doesn't make that much of a difference. If you really and truly love your significant other, you will pay attention to anything and everything they have to say. Like I wrote, it's a simple sign of respect, and it certainly couldn't hurt . . .
posted by
JimmyA
on September 4, 2012 at 7:48 AM
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Re:
It sure does, FSI. She rests on a special bench in our dining room, facing inward, in front of our windows. At certain times of the day, the sunlight creates unique shadows on her and on the floor beneath, and there are times when you'd swear she was about to sit up, stretch out her arms and wings, and take flight. Her smiling face is an inspiration to us each morning.
posted by
JimmyA
on September 4, 2012 at 7:45 AM
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I have a Sis who pays attention so much that I don't even dare say that something is nice or pretty, or she is out buying it for me when I was just expressing an opinion and didn't really want it for myself. It sure makes for a lot of stuff sitting around. I must remember to never admire a four-foot-tall fairy in her presence.
posted by
TAPS.
on September 3, 2012 at 7:39 PM
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JimmyA
"So I say to each and every one of you who have a significant other, or really to anybody who may have some difficulty in getting ideas for gift-giving . . . pay attention! You’d be surprised by the amount of information you can pick up just by bending an ear or watching someone’s face light up when they see something unique or unusual.
And there’s your lesson for the day . . .
That’s all I can do! "
Who asked you to 'do' something? Are you shrink?
posted by
WileyJohn
on September 3, 2012 at 3:41 PM
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so very true jimmy....i was with someone who every year would give me chocolate covered cordial cherries....i told him i dont like them and he would....mmmmmm so graciously take them off my hands and eat them himself....but every year i would get them....one year i had it and gave them to my uncle instead .... i never got them again!
posted by
Annicita
on September 3, 2012 at 3:31 PM
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There are a lot of self centered folk men and women who don't
bother themselves with what theor paartner would love. They can't think beyond themselves for long enough. nice post and of course i have no need to add that Wiley is just perfect ......
posted by
Kabu
on September 3, 2012 at 1:13 PM
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Jimmy
You make some important points! of important points! Of course it's important to pay attention to your wife's/husband's/lover's/significant other's feelings and reactions! But, I think you would agree with me when I say that the public image of the man us uncaring lout that commonly found in the media and in the world of entertainment is an unfortunate and unfair caricature of the reality...
posted by
Nautikos
on September 3, 2012 at 11:21 AM
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where are the men like you in my life, dont want to stereo type but since I have a lot of experience with men I can tell you most just have themselves and one thing on thier minds and most the time dont hear what the mate is saying, but the shoe can be on the other foot also
posted by
Lanetay
on September 3, 2012 at 10:00 AM
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Oh yes, paying attention goes a long way. I imagine that the fairy looks magnificent too.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on September 3, 2012 at 9:53 AM
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