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I, for one, would love to know how to find my clothes in a naked dream. Someone should invent elastic words
and lightning camouflage for blushes. Thought the poem was damn good. Endings with any art can be difficult
so let`s down a glass to them!!
posted by
CUPLETS
on April 16, 2011 at 7:32 AM
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shorter
posted by
Annicita
on April 16, 2011 at 6:22 AM
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Re: If I understand you correctly, you're saying DON'T add the ending?
If so, that's where I'm tending, too. That's the point where I feel on top, where I think I've finished the idea I sat down to express. The rest is nice, but in a glib kind of way that takes away from the original insight by smoothing it over. It maybe avoids talking too much - like I'm doing now.
posted by
2902
on April 16, 2011 at 2:20 AM
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Finish Bob it breaks new bounderies. always get out when you are on top. my opinion.
posted by
C_C_T
on April 16, 2011 at 12:53 AM
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Thanks to you all for your helpful input. I liked the idea of the piece
a lot and needed help realizing and evaluating what I'd written. Finding words for my responses made me think.
posted by
2902
on April 15, 2011 at 7:05 PM
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Re: I would continue on and finish with the full piece of work
True, but I struck a nerve (maybe just my own!) with the shorter one. It ain;t easy being human. Why dot the i's and cross the t's when you've already touched the heart of the matter. There's not much to say after that.
posted by
2902
on April 15, 2011 at 6:59 PM
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Re: Bob, I would go with the brevity ending....
Rumor, I think I agree- the other seems to be an easy feelgood ending. The shorter version depicts the problem more sharply.
posted by
2902
on April 15, 2011 at 6:54 PM
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I would continue on and finish with the full piece of work
it tickles my sense of humour.
posted by
Kabu
on April 15, 2011 at 6:12 PM
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Bob, I would go with the brevity ending....
..
...
posted by
Rumor
on April 15, 2011 at 3:41 PM
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Re: Might be, Jay. I don't know why I'm wrestling with this so much.
Maybe I should put it in the drawer a couple of days and come back to it later.
posted by
2902
on April 15, 2011 at 12:18 PM
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Bob, add only the first two lines, I think that gives it the draw for us to return again and again.
posted by
UtahJay
on April 15, 2011 at 11:09 AM
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Re: You're right, of course, but "whatmighthavebeen" is such
wonderfully melancholy trip!
posted by
2902
on April 15, 2011 at 10:46 AM
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I vote for the ending, because you can't rewind and change the past (like I occasionally do in my dreams when I wake from them. ) You have to accept what took place and go on from there.
posted by
mariss9
on April 15, 2011 at 7:23 AM
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Re: I like it...I vote you add it!
Yeah, it's upbeat. I guess I'm afraid that it wraps up an interesting question too glibly. I'm also doubtful about burying that line "we are our own mistakes" and the fuzzy balance that it leads to.
posted by
2902
on April 15, 2011 at 5:51 AM
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Re: Sinome, I value your opinion. In my bones, I always value brevity,
but you may be right. Thanks!
posted by
2902
on April 15, 2011 at 5:33 AM
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Re: All for the drink - SuZanne, my roots are Irish and German, and
I married an Italian, so my drinking genes are in good order. Your vote is noted - I question the ending
because it puts in the shade that "who can tell the difference now", a good strong resolution that keeps the resolution from being too pat. Either way implies "what the hell", so, what the hell.
posted by
2902
on April 15, 2011 at 5:30 AM
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I like it...I vote you add it!
posted by
Ariala
on April 15, 2011 at 5:23 AM
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By all means. add it :-) I like the t hought of toasting to the fact there is an end . May your end be far away though :-) xoxoxo
posted by
Sinome
on April 15, 2011 at 4:17 AM
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G'day Bob, I'm all for the drink, but then again I'm an Aussie and that's what we do best, drown our sorrows and then get up and fight another day...lol SuZanne x
posted by
psychicwarrior
on April 15, 2011 at 2:39 AM
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