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Re: Re: Re: Kermit, I have to twitch at part of what you say here.
:)
Hmm. Perhaps we are not so much in disagreement after all.
Do you feel we disagree because I use the word "negative"?
When I said "negative" I meant only "undesirable" or "unpleasant".
I do agree that they are necessary, useful and helpful to focus our attention on urgent matters.
If "undesirable" is another trigger word, then reconsider what it might mean to me instead of what it means to you.
I do not feel that I am resisting anger or other emotions.
I certainty do not resist emotions of pleasure, empathy, etc, which I call positive emotions.
I also feel that I do not resist the emotions that I call "negative".
If I feel anger, for example if a friend is talking to me about things that I'm not interested in,
I recognize that I feel that anger, then ignore it as not worth following up on. Instead I reflect on what my choices are in this situation, and what action I really wish to take.
Typically I recognize that I wish to honor my friend, and choose to take some interest in what he is saying.
Other times I might pretend that I do not hear him.
posted by
Kermit1941
on August 30, 2011 at 5:49 PM
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Re: Re: Kermit, I have to twitch at part of what you say here.
We seem to be mainly in agreement in all but one issue:
Emotions are not negatives: they may be unpleasant, but they are useful symptoms to communicate from body or subconscious that something is going on. If it hurts, or focusses on fear, that tells us we need to pay attention--and do something about the situation that makes it arise--which is where we agree.
By resistance, you actually become more sensitive to the negativity you perceive. Rather than resisting 'negative' emotions, I would suggest that you embrace them as helpful messengers, and send them back where they came from with a message of love, well-being, intention to mend a situation that upsets some part of you, and causes it to send such messengers.
posted by
Ciel
on August 30, 2011 at 2:49 PM
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Re: Kermit, I have to twitch at part of what you say here.
Hello Ciel.
I agree with you that it's important, indeed very important, to acknowledge when we have negative emotions. I did not state my concern well.
I worry that some people pay too much attention to the fact that they have these negative emotions, and don't pay enough attention to the situation that provoked them. I recommend that our main focus be on improving the situation, if possible, so that the negative emotional stress need not be repeated.
Is it because I am more sensitive than average to negative emotions that I work so hard to avoid them?
Kermit
posted by
Kermit1941
on August 30, 2011 at 10:52 AM
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Kermit, I have to twitch at part of what you say here.
When you label certain emotions as 'negative' I think you do them a disservice, and perhaps your daughter, as well.
I believe I do understand what you're concerned with: that she only values how she feels about things, only considers the emotional aspect of things--and in that I agree that it is crippling to only look at the world through the one lens. It's like having one eye and sacrificing binocular vision that lets us see depth and relative distance.
Fear, anger, anxiety--they are like pain, itching, tenderness: symptoms that tell us to pay attention to something, to sort it out, to find a solution. These are not negatives, they are tools. If they are the only tools someone has, or the only ones they use, that also points to something that needs further investigation.
Your daughter is right, emotions are valuable in and of themselves. But they don't do everything we need done, to live well, and be fully human. I would say (and have said) exactly the same to people who think that intellect is all that really matters. Or sensation. We have the whole kit, we really should learn to use what's in it!
Thanks for visiting my blogs and for your stimulting comments!
posted by
Ciel
on August 27, 2011 at 5:15 PM
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Thought and Feeling
:)
Nice article.
It reminds me of a story that a researcher on anger tells.
A man visited his friend, a businessman, at his office. The office
phone rang and his friend picked it up. He heard his friend's side of
the conversation.
"What do you mean, you apologize for not having it done yet?"
Raising his voice to a very angry tone, his friend yelled into the
phone, "You'd better finish it today. I won't stand for this
lackadaisical attitude!"
Then calmly placing the phone on the hook, his friend said, "There,
that should do it."
As we learn for ourselves which things are worth
emotional involvement and what things are not worth emotional
envolvement, we risk alienation with those people we
love who do not yet understand.
I fear that my own daughter is handicapped by the belief that
emotion is valuable in and of itself.
I fear that it handicaps her dealing effectively with her negative
emotions, such as anger, anxiety, fear, etc.
I really like your last paragraph:
"The smartest people, though... they learn to tell the difference between feelings that are equipped as weapons, and those that are simply messengers. Considering how important it is that some messages get through, to maintain balance and sanity in a personality or relationship, this is a pretty important distinction to be able to make."
Kermit
posted by
Kermit1941
on August 26, 2011 at 12:34 PM
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Very good! Every word of it so true.
So many feelings we just can't deal with, or express.
posted by
TAPS.
on April 6, 2011 at 7:43 AM
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Could not have said it better.
Sometimes even a seeming simple messenger comes armed. But the message can get through, even if the messenger has to be sat on.
posted by
Randir
on April 5, 2011 at 9:40 AM
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