Go to Malcolm's midwife: Words from the heart
- Add a comment
- Go to In denial
It's not all denial, I believe. Some of our reaction to sudden death is
stoicism. I believe we do take things as they come more effectively as children, because we have no sense they should be otherwise. I hope the children in this situation are okay and not overly fearful or anxious, but I would not hope they're not affected. It's only human to feel such a loss.
posted by
Pat_B
on November 18, 2010 at 6:19 AM
| link to this | reply
We all share grief in different means and by many different emotions...God bless this family and Susan and you and yours...this is touching. Elyse
posted by
elysianfields
on November 17, 2010 at 9:11 AM
| link to this | reply
Death and dying is a subject that sooner or later effects everyone. For a child, especially the first time it happens, I think it is not really real in the mind. The whole concept is foreign to a child, especially if it is the first loss they have experienced. I was five when my grandpa "passed away". Those were the words everyone used--"passed away". I loved him, but I didn't feel sad because that didn't sound so bad to me. In my little mind I was sort of picturing him flying around somewhere with butterfly wings.
posted by
TAPS.
on November 17, 2010 at 5:29 AM
| link to this | reply
malcolm, sorry - -
{ My maternal grandfather died at 82 when I was 5. That one I spent with my paternal aunt. At ages eight and nine. I attended the funerals of my maternal uncle and a paternal aunt. My uncle said those who love me will come back (60 miles to the shore). His sister sat scared on the floor of his boat. So at those ages I felt both the grief and coping of the adults. BC-A, Bill’s RJLst
posted by
BC-A
on November 17, 2010 at 4:49 AM
| link to this | reply
I dont think they really understand death at that young age
posted by
Lanetay
on November 17, 2010 at 12:07 AM
| link to this | reply
I was trying to feel what I thought when my Grampy died malcom I was about six I think. My granny was sweeping the passage a nurse called and Gran said 'he's gone.' I suppose a wall encircled my mind and I couldn't think beyond it, no emotion.
posted by
C_C_T
on November 17, 2010 at 12:06 AM
| link to this | reply
You make a good point regarding losing a loved one at a young age! My soldier son said he loved his uncle when he passed away, son was 14, but he wasn't going to cry over it! Now ten years later it is one of his motivations for going to Afghanistan! I only wish he would have said something earlier, I think there could be a better way to clear his conscious as it were! sam
posted by
sam444
on November 16, 2010 at 8:50 PM
| link to this | reply
Hope it won't be a delayed reaction for the little girl..maybe when it really sinks in. So sad. Thanks for your visit. Eid is being celebrated in India today; it's a public holiday, and we've been hearing prayers over the loudspeaker from early morning.
posted by
Nita09
on November 16, 2010 at 8:13 PM
| link to this | reply
I don't think that necessarily means being in denial
One should cry when they wish but can't cry all time. It seems difficult to conceive that life goes on, but it does, and that little girl may have been quite simply happy to be among friends doing something she loves. That would probably seem a great comfort and a relief when the world at home has been turned upside down.
posted by
Azur
on November 16, 2010 at 7:46 PM
| link to this | reply
In denial
Children sometimes store the information and when they understand what it all means properly later on, then they go through the pain.
posted by
Cheerygirl
on November 16, 2010 at 7:19 PM
| link to this | reply
Like you If eel that those scars from one's early years stay with the child.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on November 16, 2010 at 6:07 PM
| link to this | reply
Children do tend to keep their feelings hidden I think Malcom, just as when my dad passed away, I noticed that in our kids.
posted by
shobana
on November 16, 2010 at 4:46 PM
| link to this | reply
You are right about identifying and even guilty thanks that it wasn't your
darling boy....been there myself. I think Children do deal with grief differently....I see Wiley still grieving for his oldest brother who died during the war when he himslef was only a little boy. It may not show but it is there.
posted by
Kabu
on November 16, 2010 at 3:55 PM
| link to this | reply
Hello Malcolm...
There is a story about my Great-Grandfather, William, I have actually posted here several times. You may have perhaps read it yourself.
Shortly before I was born, Grandpa had another coronary. I was not due until 12 February, 1972, but arrived two months before on 20 December. My poor Grandmother had to tell her parents that the new baby might not come home.
Grandpa was so angry that he demanded Grammy take him to me at once, and she knew he was too sick, so she had to promise him she'd bring him to see me as soon as we were both well enough.
A month later, according to the story my Mum used to tell me, I finally got to meet him. He snatched me out of Mum's arms the second they were through the door and wouldn't let anyone else present feed, change, or even hold me. Even my poor Nana!
When it was time for us to leave, he cried and sobbed and told Mum he wasn't going to give me back. Ever.
In a way, he never did. We were always thick as thieves and I was always his little sweetheart.
I lost my dear Grandpa on New Year's Day, 1996. One year and three months after my Nana, his wife of eighty years, left him while he sat at her bedside and held her hand. To this day, I have never healed from his loss. I know that I never really will.
It is so much harder when a child or a young person dies. So brutal and cruel and unfair. I feel for you, for Susan. Most especially for the little girl who has lost an obviously loving older brother. I suspect you are right when you say you believe she is in denial. It will end, and she will be in great need when it does.
My prayers are lifted for you all...
posted by
lovelyladymonk
on November 16, 2010 at 2:17 PM
| link to this | reply
Malcolm
That is a horrendous loss to deal with for everyone but especially young people like your children.One can only say God Bless you all and may you have the serenity to accept what is so.
posted by
WileyJohn
on November 16, 2010 at 2:15 PM
| link to this | reply