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Wow!! An outstanding description of how life can get. Well said. 
posted by
mariss9
on November 7, 2010 at 7:21 AM
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Well done, and you had me wanting to run with you. I ran with fear.
You caused emotion, and the writing worked well. love and joy, Kay
posted by
KayJoy
on November 3, 2010 at 9:50 PM
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welcome to blogit
this poem sounds like one of those dreams i always have where i keep runing and running and never getting anywhere :)
posted by
Tzippy
on November 3, 2010 at 2:56 PM
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what we see - what mirrors - what shows --- what reveals and what we know, at any rate eburns, write on ~ this is good!!! Had me from beginning - racing to the end (cadence was good) Elyse
posted by
elysianfields
on November 2, 2010 at 5:25 PM
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It is certain that the dust settles regardless of the race! Fine imagery! I saw your comment on my post and I really don't know how to help you out! Sometimes I write things I don't understand but there they are! Robert Frost said the same happened to him, too! When I read poetic works I try to latch on to a refrain if there is one and see how it ties into the over all imagery; and then I look for consistency of imagery, a key word that sets up the thought, how it's carried out and then for resolution of the imagery! Just offering a few thoughts! sam
posted by
sam444
on November 2, 2010 at 9:50 AM
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Re:
thanks i did just that
posted by
eburns111
on November 1, 2010 at 9:17 PM
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Why not let the poem complete itself and make the last line
"and the dust settles"? Adding "and" changes the rhythm of the thought and puctuates the end of poem as a moment. Rhythmicly, a little turn around, but a completion. No need to go any place else.
posted by
jfm32
on November 1, 2010 at 9:07 PM
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I see where you are going on this, and it's well -written--but the last line...does this mean you had a heart attack and died, or did you find a meaning for yourself between those two entities in time while passing thru the dimension. I understand the abruptness of the surprise element/ending. But it seems a bit unballanced (perhaps as you meant it to be). I just wasn't prepared for the last line. It kind of left me hanging thru the development of the thought and the abrupt decision to end it. I'm thinking there are only 2 ways to go here: either keep writing a longer poem, or re-capsulize the meaning of the poem in not one, but perhaps 3 lines or another stanza that would not conclude a thought , but bring me back to a re-read, and this, for me, would have to do with proportion and symetry.
posted by
jfm32
on November 1, 2010 at 6:19 PM
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could it be the "path of dust" is Time itself?
It never stops or slows, if anything it goes ever faster...."from the dust of the ground we were formed, and will return" (paraphrased - not trying to get morbid here, but this is what came to mind).....a very thought provoking poem, eburns...
..
posted by
Rumor
on November 1, 2010 at 2:15 PM
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Very intriguing thoughts and great imagery
posted by
lionreign
on November 1, 2010 at 7:32 AM
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This was really like a race against time. Enjoyed the poem and thank you for the visit and enjoy the coffee.
posted by
shobana
on October 31, 2010 at 6:24 PM
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Re:
thanks for reading, enjoyed your comment
posted by
eburns111
on October 31, 2010 at 3:31 PM
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Well a frustating race it seems, but of course you are still only beginnig. That dust probably has jewels hidden all the way back and hopefully you will see them one day.
posted by
C_C_T
on October 31, 2010 at 2:22 PM
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