Comments on FORGIVE

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You truly have great awareness Tzippy...had I traveled a road even slightly similar I can't say how I'd of handled it. I suppose it's easy to say I'd forgive having not been down that road...but would I really? You've got a Great heart too and your not afraid to speak your mind. I admire that, and admittedly I'm not as brave that way, as you are.

posted by yellowrose55 on July 31, 2010 at 5:32 PM | link to this | reply

tzip

Many can speculate on situations, but you really never know about something until you are faced with it. You have traveled a long, hard road. It is good to see you emerge.

posted by TIMMYTALES on June 3, 2010 at 11:32 AM | link to this | reply

Love and forgiveness are the most important lessons we are here to learn

When I was in Edisto with my ex, he was having a really hard time with letting go of the pain he endured with his second wife. We had some EFT sessions and talked at length about forgiveness and releasing.  He has had a 180 degree turn around since and told me the other night that as long as he held onto his hate he was allowing himself to live with her forever.  This in itself is nothing short of miracle for him and he has been so happy ever since. I think that instead of forgive and forget, it should be forgive and release.

posted by skye08 on May 31, 2010 at 5:12 PM | link to this | reply

I like your summation on forgiveness, I believe it to be true, too! sam

posted by sam444 on May 31, 2010 at 3:25 PM | link to this | reply

This was such a good post of the power of forgivness. I am glad you can

give up the pain. Yes I think one will always remember horrors done to them. Be blessed dear one.

posted by Justi on May 31, 2010 at 10:14 AM | link to this | reply

I completely understand and can relate to your story.

it took me a while to cotton on to the fact of how to forgive..... I too have came a long way from pain/hurting....and I am much happier for it now.

posted by _Symphony_ on May 31, 2010 at 6:04 AM | link to this | reply

Forgiveness

is the way to peace.  I could not find peace without it.  Taking hate to the grave is just too much of a burden.  I found in my personal experience, to forgive is to find peace with myself.

posted by KaBooM62 on May 29, 2010 at 10:13 PM | link to this | reply

Forgive

It is sometimes very hard to forgive but one needs to in order to move forward, because the only person you are hurting is yourself...LB

posted by MsJudy on May 29, 2010 at 10:13 AM | link to this | reply

I had a terrible time with forgiveness where my MIL was concerned.  She was a totally selfish woman, whose only thought was to force people (not just me), all people, to do things her way, which was the only "right way".  She succeeded in ruining the lives of her two children, a couple of her grandchildren, and many church people, neighbors, etc.   She hated me, her only DIL, because she could not bend me to her will.   I finally realized that bitterness and resentment was ruining my life and that I would have no joy in life until I could forgive.  But, like you said, it is impossible to completely forget.  Any little word or thought can bring back all those memories even though she is now dead.

posted by TAPS. on May 29, 2010 at 9:29 AM | link to this | reply

Forgiving someone is like forgiving our ownself. A certain amount of stress has been relieved through forgiveness. And we will achieve peace in our minds and souls.

posted by Azymie on May 29, 2010 at 9:29 AM | link to this | reply

I sometimes have a hard time with forgiveness.

I guess it's easier, and sometimes even warming, to nurse a grudge. But ultimately, it is a waste of time to do so. Forgiveness has got to be better.

Very interesting stuff here -- good work, Tzippy!

posted by strat on May 29, 2010 at 4:59 AM | link to this | reply

Tzippy

I'm still working on this forgiveness thing - not all that successfully, LOL. But then, I don't ask for forgiveness from others either...

posted by Nautikos on May 28, 2010 at 6:44 PM | link to this | reply

You are so right about what true forgiveness is. Often I think we tend to take on an attitude as it relates to forgiveness of, "I won't bring it up anymore even though I am mad." Being able to let go of that man is a great action you were able to undertake.

posted by FormerStudentIntern on May 28, 2010 at 6:12 PM | link to this | reply

Beautifully answered, Tzippy my sister. Beautifully.

It has been my experience that forgiveness is a process. A person can say, "I forgive" right away, but frequently this has to be maintained. Sometimes we're reminded of the wrong that's been done to us, unbidden, by others or circumstances that jog our memory or whatever...and we have to work through it again. I don't think we're ever quite 'there', the same way as we never stop learning. Forgiveness is a verb, not a destination, in my opinion. It takes upkeep, the same way our spirituality needs nourishment.

posted by Darson on May 28, 2010 at 11:43 AM | link to this | reply

In my case, the working memory of each step in the process by which

my first husband groomed and programmed me to submit and tolerate his abuse is branded into my memory. It was so entrenched that normal appreciation and attention from guys thereafter set off warning bells. I still have a bit of PTSS. But grudges and anger are corrosives, they eat the vessel that contains them, so I forgave myself for being so stupid. I learned to visualize his face the size of a pinpoint on the distant horizon, so far away he can't harm me in any way. We were divorced 50 years ago and I rarely think of him.

I realize it's different for children when a parent (or step) is toxic. Kids soak up their poison like they soak up all knowledge, they're sponges. It's never their fault, but overcoming it and being effective parents of their own children is a super triumph of the spirit.

posted by Pat_B on May 28, 2010 at 7:23 AM | link to this | reply

I too forgive, but I seldom forget.

posted by lovelyladymonk on May 28, 2010 at 6:52 AM | link to this | reply

I am a firm believer in the simple phrase.......

"Over, Done With, Gone...."

I can't see any benefit in a continuation of something that has caused pain on me or someone else......clinging to that hurt and pain or filing it away in a corner of your mind does nothing to allow one to heal and move on.   To keep it inside only allows the cause, whoever or whatever it was to maintain its grasp on your soul.......

posted by Corbin_Dallas on May 28, 2010 at 6:07 AM | link to this | reply

memories remain but you need to forgive to get past it, I am usually very good at forgiving people, but there are two people I stil dont forgive and that is my brother and cousin, for things they did to me

posted by Lanetay on May 27, 2010 at 11:29 PM | link to this | reply

well done forgiveness really is the way to God I do agree

and if we hold on to hate, we are the losers. But you know all this and have written a wonderful post. But I alsobelieveit is right toforgive...but somethings we should not forget.

posted by Kabu on May 27, 2010 at 11:12 PM | link to this | reply

posted by WaterKat on May 27, 2010 at 9:57 PM | link to this | reply

Re: I agree that forgiveness is for us and not the other person.

Yes, she is his oldest daughter

posted by Tzippy on May 27, 2010 at 9:38 PM | link to this | reply

I absolutely fell in love with your post. People often do not recognize there is difference between forgetting and forgiving. They believe just because you have forgiven someone that you have forgotten the pain they inflicted upon you. The pain will always remain, but if you continue to hold on to the past, the pain will just linger, and the two of you will constantly be reminded of the hurt. However, if you forgive someone, you can release some of the anger, and in doing so, you will not have to be reminded of the other individual. While if you remain upset, it just indicates the power the other person has upon you. The pain continues to linger and so does the hold the other person has upon you. Forgive, but do not forget.

posted by troubledwriter on May 27, 2010 at 9:34 PM | link to this | reply

I absolutely fell in love with your post. People often do not recognize there is difference between forgetting and forgiving. They believe just because you have forgiven someone that you have forgotten the pain they inflicted upon you. The pain will always remain, but if you continue to hold on to the past, the pain will just linger, and the two of you will constantly be reminded of the hurt. However, if you forgive someone, you can release some of the anger, and in doing so, you will not have to be reminded of the other individual. While if you remain upset, it just indicates the power the other person has upon you. The pain continues to linger and so does the hold the other person has upon you. Forgive, but do not forget.

posted by troubledwriter on May 27, 2010 at 9:34 PM | link to this | reply

I agree that forgiveness is for us and not the other person.

I had a really hard time with forgiveness before I came to know that in my life.

Your sister that would name her child after him. She is one of his children?

posted by Afzal_Sunny7 on May 27, 2010 at 9:27 PM | link to this | reply