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I have the utmost faith that you are making the best decision. As a result I would say, "Don't feel bad about it ending that way." There are clearly issues there that are impeding your job. I find it better to not subject yourself to those things.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on April 28, 2010 at 7:07 PM
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Darson - I prayed and trusted - knowing you'd do what was 'right' in the whole arena/scheme of this particular journey of yours. Yes, it did border on 'abuse' of you and your rights as a 'caregiver' not a laundry person or duster or etc. and bleach (I won't go there because the amount of bleach these older people want used is 'lung' bracing, I tell ya')*cough/cough- I have been there; I can attest to those that will abuse the system and all involved. Bless your heart for you endured well - I will always hold you in my heart for the time and service you did lend with such a graceful, caring touch. It's sad because there is a great 'need' but sometimes the need needs more than just 'one' helping the individual...which is what I ran into during my time in HHC - Elyse xoxox
posted by
elysianfields
on April 28, 2010 at 8:22 AM
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Ciel
Ciel, you are so very wise. I have parents like this, too, who are not 'well' in many ways. In whatever venue they abuse me (via phone, email, personal encounters), I withdraw. If I can't talk to them on the phone, I'll send a card. If emails get abusive, I'll tell a sister to tell them hello. If I can't have any contact with them because all are horrific, I'll start paying a little money here and there on their utility bills anonymously, or send them a gift certificate. Right now one of them, who won't stop going through my home when I'm not there, or spying on my home and family from atop of the hill, has had a restraining order on him for the past three years. So I pray for him...it's all I can do at this point.
I know mental illness when I see it, believe you me. And that's what I was seeing with this client. An email from a Blogiter this morning who's done this kind of work has only confirmed that. If I had stuck around, it would only get worse and more outrageous.
You are doing the right thing by limiting contact. You can bless her in other ways. There is nothing that says you are to stand around getting abused. It hurts you, and it just makes her feel uglier inside. Not good. And it is heartbreaking because truth be told, we never want to shut ANYBODY out. But sometimes we have to...or draw boundaries. I am right there with you, my friend. Hang in there and take care of YOU.
posted by
Darson
on April 28, 2010 at 7:42 AM
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Interesting to read this just after visiting my mom.
She is old and more and more frail all the time... Her body becomes less and less functional as neuropathies numb her extremeties and her face... as loss of balance results in bone-breaking falls time and again... and even her mind is beginning to betray her.
She had a very tough life emotionally. She has suffered from CPTSD--that terrible result of an emotionally devastated childhood--and from that emotional abandonment followed years of being abandoned through deaths and divorce... and finally by my father who never understood her emotionally, and then finally, he died and left her, too.
Now, her anger and disappointment seem to be all she has. She cannot summon the energy to beat those bitter pessimisms down, to let any kind of enjoyment take the reins.
And of course, it just makes people further avoid her.
Last time I spoke with her on the phone, she verbally attacked me with every intent to be punishing and hurtful. Because I was talking too fast.. and she dropped the phone because her hands can't feel it... because she is so angry with life and pain and all of it...
It is heartbreaking... but even so, you can't let someone just beat on you because they don't know any better. I will not call her again. I will write, send messages through my sister who lives near her. But I won't call.
posted by
Ciel
on April 27, 2010 at 8:57 PM
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