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Re: for magic moon
Speak, speak you.
Thank you so much.
posted by
shadesofblue
on December 15, 2009 at 9:51 PM
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Re: for sam444
Thank you!! So happy you are staying here!
posted by
shadesofblue
on December 15, 2009 at 9:46 PM
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Re: for TAPS
It's like jumping...and then falling.
posted by
shadesofblue
on December 15, 2009 at 9:45 PM
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Pain is most difficult! The variety of it lets me understand how you go into to it for understanding. I live with and try to ignore it when it is physical, when it is of a personal nature I have a tendency to bury it deeply and never give it the stage! Very good thought inducing post! I love how it stirred Moon! sam
posted by
sam444
on December 15, 2009 at 5:31 AM
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I'm not sure I understand how to move into pain.
posted by
TAPS.
on December 14, 2009 at 8:25 PM
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I use and have used this forum in much the same way that you are using it in this post; to communicate deep, intimate, raw personal messages to the one you love. Though it was years ago, I remember it all too well. In my own case, and since you discuss how you and he process pain, there was deep and excruciating pain. Unfortunately, I instinctively lash out when in pain. My lashing out is powerful, poisonous, penetrating. Even when I hold back – and I always hold back – it is devastating. Were I to not hold back, it would be annihilating. I regret many many things that I said and did. Fortunately, I have learned how to let the pain go and to move into love. Love trumps everything. Every time. Love is the glue that binds the universe together. But, sometimes, damage is done before love seizes the reins. In my own case, there was damage done – a lot of damage done – to the person that I loved then and still love but, I did ultimately manage to surrender the reins to love. All of that is digression really. It’s not where I wanted to go. What I wanted to talk about was pain. I’ve had my fair share. More than my fair share in my opinion. Physical, mental, emotional. All of it. In retrospect, I always feel that the pain was my “benefactor” (in a way) because pain is one of the most powerful teachers of all. Perhaps the most powerful teacher of all. Nothing leads you to examine yourself and your attributes and your limits as does pain. You said, “I dive into pain. Feel it, live it, breathe it....to get through it. To understand what it is...to learn...and to let it go. He feels it...but holds it off so that he hurts less. We can't do that anymore if we are to be us. I can't live like that. I told him so, in the words he is reading.” These are such powerful words. This is such a powerful communication. He is such a fortunate man for you to be telling him these things although I am sure that he does not see it that way in the moment. These words are packed with so much emotion, so much primal energy, so much understanding.Here is what I have learned about pain in a lifetime filled with pain. I think that many people – and especially perhaps men – withdraw from pain. On the surface, it makes sense. Who would want to embrace pain? Who would want to get close to pain? No one wants to hurt. Everyone wants the pain to stop. The “rational” approach would be to escape the pain, to stop the hurting. But, the irony is that “escaping” the pain locks it into your body, into your psyche. It insures that you are its prisoner and that you will have to face it again. Not just new pain that is certain to come. Eventually, you will have to face the old pain that you avoided, that you locked into your body and into your psyche. Women, I think, (generally) are more apt to embrace pain. Men, I think, (generally) are more apt to avoid pain. So, in the short run, men appear “stronger” and women appear “weaker”. Because when one embraces pain, he or she is going to cry out in pain, one way or another. And when one avoids pain he or she is going to refrain from “crying out”. The pain will be held in. Men like to appear strong. They don’t want to appear weak. They don’t want to appear “womanly.” They don’t want anyone to see or hear them cry out. Dealing with pain and with emotions is totally uncharted territory for most men. They have little idea how to do it. They think they are being strong by resisting pain, by resisting emotions, by avoiding both. Here is a little known secret. At least I think that it is little known. It’s something that I discovered 3 decades or more ago. Pain is diminished when one goes into the pain, not when one moves away from it. Any pain. It is diminished when one goes into the pain, not when one moves away from it. Try it. Experiment. That’s what I did. Virtually everything that I say (in terms of “advice”) is something that I have personally experimented with. It’s not enough for me to take someone else’s word for it. I read or hear of some technique and I try. I’m scientific in that way. Does it work or not? Try it with physical pain. The next time you have physical pain, any physical pain, do not do what many habitually do – mentally, energetically, emotionally move away from the pain. Instead, try moving into the pain. Be a scientist. Experiment. See what happens. The pain will diminish. It won’t disappear. It will diminish. And healing will be faster, more complete. Just try it. Moving into the pain diminishes the pain. Moving away from the pain locks the pain into your body and into your psyche. There is the added benefit that you mention: “To understand what it is...to learn...and to let it go.” Those who avoid pain, never get to understanding. They don’t understand pain (fully), they don’t understand (fully) why and how it arose, they don’t understand themselves (fully), they don’t understand their lives (fully). I’ve gone on too long. Best wishes to both of you. Yours is a remarkable communication.
Blessings,
Moon
posted by
magic_moon
on December 14, 2009 at 5:03 PM
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