Go to I Do, Adieu
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Mistakes are a part of life... Can't get past that. Without them, you'll never know what's right. Just remember this: You have to take care of you. Until you are happy and stable, you won't be able to give happiness or stability. Until you love yourself, you won't be able to give love. It isn't selfish, it's necessary. I think the best thing two parents who are miserable can do is split up. If not, they only teach their children how to be unhappy. They learn by example. Learn to love yourself, then share that with your children. When you finally love yourself, then be open to someone who will love you.
posted by
MadelynHoudini
on June 7, 2010 at 5:13 AM
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Dear girl... you need to take a deep breath and allow yourself to be angry and sad for you have reasons to be both. Yes, life has dealt you a bad hand. Yes your Ex is at least half guilty in whatever happened there. Yes you went through a horror that most do not survive.... I can not even imagine your pain... your deep desperation. But look my friend, you survived, you are here and still fighting. You are strong and able and will emerge a better person. Go get help darling, you need someone to talk to, and though here in Blogit you will find many a sympathetic ear... you need a physical hug. If you do not have family or friends that can without judging you understand what you are going through then go see a therapist in your area that can give you that ear to talk to and offer helpful ways to deal with your grief. Meanwhile I am here for you any time you want to talk. Use me :-) Take care of you.
posted by
Sinome
on April 7, 2009 at 4:53 AM
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flappergirl
I almost dont know where to begin with this. First of all, you wrote, "I am a mistake… a big one. I shouldn’t be here." Unless you're talking about a specific geographical location, this is a load of crap.
June Cleaver only existed on TV and in the fifties to boot. She doesn't exist, never did, and never will. Yes, there are good mothers/parents and bad ones, but there's no such thing as perfect. My mother died a couple years ago. I loved her dearly and still miss her daily, but I have you illusions about her. She was just as flawed, just as human as everyone else.
I don't have children, so I know nothing of the wonderment or anxieties of parenting, but I know how I was raised. My mother's parenting duties didn't end until she took her final breath. One of the last conversations she had with my brother and me was how she knew she'd gotten it right because we turned out okay. We're the type of men whom she'd proudly tell anyone, "Those are my sons." And it's no secret my brother and I would proudly tell anyone, "That's my mother." That's the secret of successful parenting.
Why are you letting your ex off the hook? Why are his actions totally your fault? He's an adult and adults are responsible for their own actions, whether or not they're willing to accept them. I don't blame you for wondering what you did wrong. That's a natural reaction. However, save some of the intense scrutiny for him. Maybe you aren't the lousy wife. Could it be he's a lousy husband? After all, he had the affairs, yet he didn't leave you. If you're so lousy, why didn't he ride off into the sunset with some other woman? You fell in love with the wrong person. How much of this is your fault is debatable, but the fact that he was the wrong guy is most certainly not your fault.
posted by
Talion_
on April 6, 2009 at 9:54 PM
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