Go to Fabulous Modern Fables!
- Add a comment
- Go to I am posting a finished story submitted but not accepted by Glimmer
Thanks Azur it is always good to get constructive criticism
I may work on it a bit more but I do want that sense of understatement in the story too. thanks
I do like description and I know it is not everyone's cuppa.
posted by
Norwood
on February 8, 2009 at 2:50 AM
| link to this | reply
I think it has great potential and your descriptions are strong
if anything I think it is long on description and short on suspense. Conclusion needs to come as more of a surprise. That's just my opinion.
posted by
Azur
on February 7, 2009 at 7:38 PM
| link to this | reply
Thanks TAPS I have tried to put a lot of subtext down
and you can always improve stories with more editing but I am blinded perhaps to where to further chop and prune here in this text. Maybe with the hind sight of time. The dog knows and the sister refuses to see what her heart tells here.
I am working on two longer short stories at present both with female protagonists. Lots of work. but I enjoy it. Thanks for reading and commenting.
posted by
Norwood
on February 1, 2009 at 3:43 PM
| link to this | reply
Norwood, I enjoyed it immensely. Poor doggie.
posted by
TAPS.
on February 1, 2009 at 8:47 AM
| link to this | reply