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posted by
Sudanym_
on August 11, 2008 at 3:40 PM
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Patman
i can explain the abstract line your confused about
"Fruit is the perfect
Metaphor
the fruit is like a flower. flowers bloom, the way some pompous people say they do when they're young adutls. "i wanna immortalize my bloom of life"
. yes i know someone uppity enough to say that, instead of just admitting that they want to get a tattoo for the hell of it.
For vermin and time.
I disagree with that person, and think they will seriously regret what they are about to do. I think that in the future they will look at their flower tattoo and instead of seeing 'the bloom of life', they will see the 'beginning of decay'. once a flower blooms, it begins to die.
Are you sure?"
and that's just me asking them to rethink it. 
(It turns out, that the said person regrets it after all.)
It stretches the metaphor a bit, I know. And it's kind of a crappy poem once you get under the surface. But, hey, it's about some friends of mine that all jumped on a dumb bandwagon and wouldn't even admit it.
Oh yes. And I thought your song had the same attitude as John Lennon's Imagine, but your lyrics were better and more sincere.
posted by
Luz_Briar
on August 11, 2008 at 10:58 AM
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Sam444
thank you!
posted by
Luz_Briar
on August 11, 2008 at 10:42 AM
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Rumored
thanks! it is pretty harsh
posted by
Luz_Briar
on August 11, 2008 at 10:41 AM
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Great ending
Just didn't get that one part. Hey, thank's for compaing my song favorably to a John Lennon song.
posted by
Sudanym_
on August 11, 2008 at 7:16 AM
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I like the depth and poignancy! sam
posted by
sam444
on August 11, 2008 at 6:07 AM
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i like your style
"Fruit is the perfect
Metaphor
For vermin and time.
Are you sure?"
What the hell are you talking about?
posted by
Sudanym_
on August 10, 2008 at 7:02 PM
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"proud pretentious rodents" - that's scathing sarcasm if I've ever
heard it....both pointedly sharp and poignant, Luz..
....
posted by
Rumor
on August 10, 2008 at 3:59 PM
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NiteTide
thanks again for your readership and honest feedback! i'm so proud that it moves you
posted by
Luz_Briar
on August 10, 2008 at 6:25 AM
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Sinome
thank you, Sinome. I wish 'Luz' was my birth name
posted by
Luz_Briar
on August 10, 2008 at 6:23 AM
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Ouch......I feel like flinching at this poem because it made me feel so much...your writing ceases to amaze me!
posted by
NiteTide
on August 9, 2008 at 11:52 PM
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Beautiful Luz... Like your name you infuse your poetry with a light that gives it life... Wondreful work!
posted by
Sinome
on August 9, 2008 at 11:49 PM
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Bhaskar
thanks! i'm proud to know you're drawn to my poetry
posted by
Luz_Briar
on August 9, 2008 at 11:03 PM
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The way you express yourself, Luz, I find it very attractive and am drawn to it
, It's the passion that you fill your words with
posted by
Bhaskar.ing
on August 9, 2008 at 9:16 PM
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