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jesse_jean - that's a good one and turnabout is fair play
I have had many a bible thumper tell me that the reason I have never witnessed Satan manifest himself is simply because he already has me in his back pocket. No need to waste any energy on someone that is already working for him. So, asking them if they have been approached by Satan should either garner an affirmative response, or they must be working for him as well.
posted by
gomedome
on March 18, 2008 at 2:17 PM
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FineYoungSinger - that last line cracked me up
"Her: It is if you read it right."
Ultimately that is the entire premise of their beliefs. Only their little group, miniscule in an historical sense, "reads the bible right". I went down the same meandering paths of half baked contentions with this guy. In the end, he had nothing to say other than dreamt up ways of reconciling reality with his distorted take on religious mythologies.
posted by
gomedome
on March 18, 2008 at 2:11 PM
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have you ever thought about this????
I have learned over the years of being married into a very religious family, that being a spiritual instead of religious just doesn't cut the mustard with this group. I quite fighting it by using this line, "WELL< IF SATAN AIN'T KNOCKING AT YOUR DOOR HE'S ALREADY GOT YA, AND SATAN KNOCKS AT MINE ALL THE TIME, HOW BOUT YOURS???" SHUTS EM UP EVERYTIME.
posted by
jesse_jean
on March 18, 2008 at 8:33 AM
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Re: FineYoungSinger - the thing that surprised me the most was the level of
Convoluted---that is THE perfect word. Having an Aunt among them makes for some interesting conversation. My favorite explanation was her interpretation of Genesis, and how they got past the "incest" that must have taken place, since there were no other people on the planet than Adam, Eve and their remaining offspring.
Her: Well, they bred with sub-human creatures that existed solely for the purpose of advancing humanity. Me: So they are products of evolution? Her: That's not what I'm saying. Me: So they practiced a form of bestiality? Her: That's not what I'm saying either. Me: Then exactly what are you saying? None of this is in the bible. Her: It is if you read it right.
posted by
FineYoungSinger
on March 18, 2008 at 6:51 AM
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Good Story Saul
Their ideas about sex were probably so screwed up that if the did get laid, the shame would kill them.
I've often wanted to ask these people that if God wanted them to wait til marriage to have sex, why didn't their sex drive wait until marriage to kick in?
posted by
jollyjeff
on March 15, 2008 at 12:34 PM
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Oh thanks gomedome
I'm flattered. I had actually been thinking that we each thought of it independently.
posted by
jollyjeff
on March 15, 2008 at 12:31 PM
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I just remember a couple of JWs showing up at
my apartment one time, many years ago, handing out Watchtower Magazines. After about three minutes I told them I had to leave for work -- that I was a federal investigator of dangerous religious cults. I don't think they got the joke, but at least they left.
For a minute there I was almost afraid I would wake up in an airport somewhere with a happy thorazine smile and a fistfull of Watchtowers...
posted by
strat
on March 15, 2008 at 6:27 AM
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yep
posted by
Xeno-x
on March 15, 2008 at 6:05 AM
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Excellent post, my friend. I had a conversation with a couple JWs once
while I was putting siding on a house. We were near a beach. I asked them why such able-bodied young men weren't on the beach. They told me they were doing the Lord's work. I asked them if their god was against having a good time. They said that they were having a good time. I asked them wouldn't they rather be watching bikini-clad women. They smiled and said that their work was more important than that. I asked them if they believed in the "be fruitful and multiply" tenet and they said that it was god's word and they were all for it. So I asked them how the hell they were going to be fruitful and multiply when they were so busy talking to people who wanted to ignore them that they missed the chance to get laid. To which their faces turned scarlet. My coworkers were laughing their asses off. They blessed us and left... I still wonder if they went and got laid...
posted by
saul_relative
on March 15, 2008 at 12:36 AM
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jollyjeff - if I remember correctly, you left it in comment and in my reply
I mentioned my plans to steal it . . .
. . . and I did and have used it ever since.
posted by
gomedome
on March 14, 2008 at 5:20 PM
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I'm touched
you used my long weekend argument--or did I get that from you?
posted by
jollyjeff
on March 14, 2008 at 11:33 AM
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sam444 - that's sad, really sad
What kind of value can their possibly be in religious beliefs that separate family members? Unfortunately, this type of story is not unusual.
posted by
gomedome
on March 14, 2008 at 10:33 AM
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FineYoungSinger - the thing that surprised me the most was the level of
complete brainwashing this young man has undergone.
He had a convoluted answer for everything with each and every answer nothing more than a contrived means of reconciling their unique mythology with reality. His take on the arch angels was rather funny. Somewhere in translation, "arch angel" has been changed from "head angel" to "the head angel" making the term a singular definitive pronoun. I asked him about Gabriel, Raphael and Uriel, the other 3 arch angels and he just laughed at my supposed ignorance. Depending on which version of Christianity one adheres to, there can be many other arch angels as well, many denominations believe there are 8, some denominations believe there are many more but the Jehovah Witnesses only acknowledge one.
Michael is also Jesus according to them. This was the most acrimonious part of the conversation. When he started blathering on about the sacrifice Jesus supposedly made for us, I countered with: "If he was already immortal, sent to earth to become incarnate as man and it was pre-determined that he would be sacrificed for our sins, it was hardly a sacrifice. He would have had the knowledge that he would be returning to heaven to take up his head angel duties once it was over with."
He got angry at that suggestion but hey, if you want to create your own take on traditional religious mythology, you should make an attempt to plug some of the inconsistent holes.
posted by
gomedome
on March 14, 2008 at 10:31 AM
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Are you absolutely, positively sure that this employee ISN'T my Aunt????
I wonder if JW's just memorize Watchtower magazines and spend their time at the Kingdom Hall quizzing each other.....
posted by
FineYoungSinger
on March 14, 2008 at 7:24 AM
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My grandmother became a Witness when I was 18 and literally walked away from the family because everyone wouldn't convert with her. I have never cared for that religion since. 35 years strong. sam
posted by
sam444
on March 14, 2008 at 4:48 AM
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