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I like it!
Nice Haiku. You can't go wrong with the help of
sam444. She's terrific! I love the idea of witnessing the growth of a budding poet. I have high hopes for you!
posted by
metalrat
on March 7, 2008 at 7:15 PM
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Sam - I will think a little on it. As an example, the fireflies feel unrelated, as the experience is entirely indoors and still. I'll give a second go, though.
posted by
bettybec
on March 7, 2008 at 3:30 PM
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One consideration would be to remove the prepositional phrase and perhaps say 'Awaken night fireflies.' My thought is to accentuate the 'spotlight' in the third line. I hope this helps. sam
posted by
sam444
on March 7, 2008 at 3:18 PM
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First I would like to say I would enjoy engaging in dialogue regarding poetry. I consider myself a student/scholar{ in regard to study} of poetry. I traditionally craft my poems on a minimum of two levels. The first to catch the reader's eye and give initial fulfillment. The other level is more in depth meaning. Initially it is a case of insomnia; next it illudes to introspection, the cause of the insomnia (and a possible third level of the effect it has in the final analysis if you will). I try to plant a key word in each poem to be discovered that will cue the reader to delve in deep. I hope this helps. sam
posted by
sam444
on March 7, 2008 at 3:13 PM
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