Go to Life Through Sira's Eyes
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- Go to "Mission: Get my life back" takes a nasty turn
Re: Sira
Thanks KaBooM! I can never get too many hugs
posted by
Sira890
on February 10, 2008 at 10:07 AM
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Sira
I want to give you lots of hugs
!
posted by
KaBooM62
on February 9, 2008 at 10:20 PM
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Re: Sira
Hey Naut,
No, it wasn't pretty!
Thanks for reading
posted by
Sira890
on February 8, 2008 at 3:00 PM
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Re: Sira
Hey mac,
There's always a chance that he's wrong, for sure. But in this case, I think he's probably (sadly) on the right track. 5 years ago, I wouldn't have batted an eye if someone asked me to give a lecture--I gave many, to crowds ranging from 10 to 200 people, without a problem.
Now, I'm with you. There's no amount of money that could get me on a stage!
Thanks for reading 
posted by
Sira890
on February 8, 2008 at 2:59 PM
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Re: Sira
Azur,
Thanks for your kind words! Seeking isolation is, unfortunately, one of my big motivations for getting out of the city.
I'd like the path to smooth out a bit too--buy hey, what's life without a few bumps
posted by
Sira890
on February 8, 2008 at 2:54 PM
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Re:
Hi afzal,
Thanks for reading
posted by
Sira890
on February 8, 2008 at 2:51 PM
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Re: Dear Sira
tigerprincess,
I've heard of Tony Robbins before, but haven't read any of his material yet. I'm going to chapters on the weekend, I'll have to see if I can find a copy of his books while I'm there!
I've actually got a few other books on panic, and all of them discuss those same methods. Logically, I have a pretty good grasp of what he's doing--I'm just not sure I want to make myself any sicker than I already am!
Thanks for reading
posted by
Sira890
on February 8, 2008 at 2:51 PM
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Re:
Hi sam,
Thanks for the kind words, and thanks for reading!
posted by
Sira890
on February 8, 2008 at 2:47 PM
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Re: Tough stuff Sira...
ginnieb,
Thanks! I am determined, you're right--I just refuse to accept the possibility that I'll spend the rest of my life hiding from life instead of living it.
Writing has been a huge help. It distracts me from the attacks, keeps me busy during the day, and lets me express myself in the most brutally honest way. I likely would have gone out of my mind with boredom if I couldn't write.
posted by
Sira890
on February 8, 2008 at 2:44 PM
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Re: PS
They're annoying, for sure. But in their defense, I think it's something that you could never really understand unless you'd had attacks yourself. And, for the most part, I don't look sick. I find the people who tell me to "just get over it", usually change their tune after they've actually witnessed me going through an attack.
You're right on the money--the agoraphobia was caused by the attacks. The fear of an attack is bad, but the thought of having one in a crowded place is 100 times worse. Avoidance is going to be one of my biggest hurdles.
posted by
Sira890
on February 8, 2008 at 2:38 PM
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Re: Sira
Troosha,
It's so nice to know that I'm not the only one battling this--having people that can relate and share experiences is so comforting!
Switching activities is something I've been doing a lot of--needless to say, I start a lot of things, but finish very few!
Breathing and meditation work fairly well, but I've never been very good at totally clearing my mind. I find that going to my "happy place" works best for me. My mind is still flying, but it's focused on more positive things.
I think I'll end up putting my foot down with the simulation part of the therapy--just sitting here thinking about it makes me a bit ill, and that's not a good sign of effective treatment!
Congrats on making such a huge improvement--hopefully I'll be able to say the same, and soon!
posted by
Sira890
on February 8, 2008 at 2:35 PM
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Sira
I'm sorry to hear this. This was certainly not a good scene. You have
posted by
Nautikos
on February 8, 2008 at 2:14 PM
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Sira
There is the possibility that the psychologist could be wrong, isn't there? How can you possibly have given lectures and be socially afraid? I couldn't do that if you paid me a million dollars.
posted by
johnmacnab
on February 8, 2008 at 1:48 PM
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Sira
The other day when you wrote about moving to a quiet place and being there while your husband went off to work, I could not understand why you sought such isolation. Had I seen this post before I would have understood a little better. ...
Mission names and labelling can get in the way. Life is a path, not a destination.
May the bumps in your path smooth soon.
posted by
Azur
on February 8, 2008 at 5:51 AM
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posted by
afzal50
on February 7, 2008 at 11:16 PM
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Dear Sira
How I feel for you! I too suffer from panic attacks, that manifest itself in very similar ways. One person I have a deep respect for is Tony Robbins. His theories include very much what your psychiatrist it trying to do which is you break the pattern by breaking the association. Read Tony's books, and this may help give you a better understanding of what your doctor is trying to do.
posted by
tigerprincess
on February 7, 2008 at 12:06 PM
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Bless you my friend. I admire your courage. I hope you continue to share so that we can support you during this trying period. sam
posted by
sam444
on February 7, 2008 at 11:23 AM
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Tough stuff Sira...
...but you sound determined but also realistic. I wish you the strength you'll need but also knowing when it's too much for you...only you can know that. Mark sounds wonderful...and you write so well...hopefully writing helps too!
posted by
ginnieb
on February 7, 2008 at 11:16 AM
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PS
… and just ignore those people around you who can’t fully grasp what you’re going through and say such things as “just get over it”. That used to drive me nuts. I didn’t necessarily want to wallow in the panic but I wanted people to understand how debilitating it can be. So I avoided people who didn’t “get it”. I also think that the social anxiety is a bi-product of panic not a cause. Because we are so afraid of having a meltdown in public, we start to fear social situations.
posted by
Troosha
on February 7, 2008 at 10:59 AM
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Sira
Oh, how I could relate to this. The cycle – panic, sick, sick, panic is a crazy one to break (I’ve been there and even still the single sign of nausea or dizziness can trigger the thinking “Yikes, I’m having a panic attack”). In reality I simply felt nauseous. And whenever my therapist would mention the word “work” or my disability insurance carrier would ask for more info, I would freak right out. What I ultimately did was re-define myself. Since I had such a close association to work and panic, I realized as much as I also enjoyed my work (or so I thought) I had to make a huge change. It was also recommended to me at one point in my therapy that we trigger the symptoms of panic and see how it played out. Not this girl – I declined that approach (albeit I’m sure it works for some). For me, I stuck to the techniques to catch myself at a 3 before it exploded into a 10 – such a all the breathing exercises I’m sure you’re learning, visualization, personal mantras, prayer, and very quickly changing what I was doing. (Have you tried that?). If you’re sitting there and all of the sudden you feel yourself creeping up the panic ladder, quickly get up and do something different even if it’s throwing in a load of laundry or sweeping a floor. For me, this sudden change of activity sometimes throws my mind off the panic. I wouldn’t say that I’m cured – not by a long shot – but whereas I used to have 5-6 panic attacks per day, I’m now down to a couple per week. I almost feel sane again!
posted by
Troosha
on February 7, 2008 at 10:55 AM
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