Go to penneylaneonline
- Add a comment
- Go to Anatomy of Infidelity
Re: Good post.
Thank you.
posted by
penneylaneonline
on November 7, 2007 at 9:54 AM
| link to this | reply
Anatomy of Infidelity
She is my 'great' friend, I'd crawl over cut glass for her if that were what was needed. Instead, she asks nothing from me except to be allowed to cry in front of me, to give her permission in my presence to give voice to the pain of her situation and to tell her off (which I can't bring myself to do) when it moves toward unhelpful words of bitterness. I say, better out than in among confidants. She keeps my spirits bolstered for her by agreeing to drink strong cups of tea (the Penney adage is, "if the horse-shoe floats it's not strong enough!" We both take great solace in remembering things we've done together over the years, movies/plays/books we've seen or read, stumbling upon a great wine, enjoying great belly laughs about the antics of one or other of her children or grandchildren. And for a moment those things ease the burden of what may lie ahead.
I realise I'm in this for the long haul and my friend, well this is her dark night of the soul and come hell or high water I'll be there with her every step of the way I can be. I know though that there will be places ahead that only have footprints made for her. Can I go there with her? No. But I can be there wherever she emerges out the other side.
posted by
penneylaneonline
on November 7, 2007 at 9:52 AM
| link to this | reply
Anatomy of Infidelity
Is it tact? It's the better way. Mostly, I have a real desire to shield my 'great' friend from such an awful disregard by ignorant people. Ignorance bore from a misguided desire of their own to have their say (in a situation that many of them actually have no basis to say THEIR say because it's simply not their story and in many cases not in their experience). That's the worse thing, they don't have a clue!!I'm constrained from spouting out words because so-called mere words can be so burdensome and besides my 'great' friend needs the expertise of someone MORE qualified than me (and ignorant busy bodies) at this time.
For my 'great' friend, I think there are degrees of worse. It is hard for her (she is very well known in Academic circles here) that many people know. Gossip can be so destructive, it spreads like a bush-fire, gathers momentum and can destroy things in its path. Gossips are like arsonists, they fuel the flame for their own self satisfying reasons. They seem to thrive on it. I have an extremely keen disdain for their ilk.
For my 'great' friend, the worse part is maintaining a civilised silence against the untruths of her situation. She wants to strike out and tell nay-sayers they don't know anything, instead she talks frankly to friends who number less than the fingers on one hand about those things and we appreciate just how terribly hard it is for her to say them.
That many know her situation was probably always on the cards (because some among us seem to have lost the capability for discretion. In an Academic institution the water fountain becomes the breeding place for gossip-mongers). Worse for my 'great' friend right now is guiding her grown-up children (and her grand-children) to a place of fair judgment (infidelity in my opinion is faulty judgment) toward her husband, their father and grandfather. The ripples get wide. I don't envy her in this task.
posted by
penneylaneonline
on November 7, 2007 at 9:30 AM
| link to this | reply
I wish I had your tact. I'd be telling the buttinski to shut up, and
would probably make the situation much worse. Your decision not to flood your friend with words and woulda coulda shoulda lines is wise. She knows. If she decides to forgive and mend the situation, all those who had to put in their opinions are likely to find the door closed against them. Sometimes the worst part of infidelity is having everyone know about it.
posted by
Pat_B
on November 7, 2007 at 6:58 AM
| link to this | reply
What a true friend you are!!!
posted by
mama_joy
on November 7, 2007 at 5:13 AM
| link to this | reply
Good post.
posted by
Kayzzaman
on November 7, 2007 at 4:11 AM
| link to this | reply
posted by
afzal50
on November 7, 2007 at 3:21 AM
| link to this | reply