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Chyrlann
no I have never been there and no he doesn't have a cell phone and yes he does call me from his house phone and told me to call him any time so I dont think he would tell me that, plus that night we got in an argument we said we are a couple that is what you want and I said yes, but you got me thinking about him respecting my wishes, he told me when we first started dating, that he understood why I felt that way and he had no problem with it so I assumed he would understand, when I would prefer not to bring him to the house. I have been down the road of hard knocks when it comes to relationships but now I am getting older I want someone to be with me for as long as I have left on this earth. We seemed to have the same outlooks and wanted the same thing. No marriage or shacking just dating and having good sex and that is the way it started. Now why he changed I dont know. I think I want to call him but then I am not sure because I don't want to compromise my believes. He will try to get me to do that, he knows I care deeply for him and he uses that ammo against me. We will see, but thank you so much for your care and concern about me, you are very caring sweet person, and I hope someday we will both have what we want.
posted by
Lanetay
on September 25, 2007 at 6:53 PM
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Hey love....It bothers me that you've never been to his place. Does he call
you on a cell phone or home phone? And do you know exactly where he lives? It only bothers me from my own experience. If a man wasn't open and appeared to have something to hide, I wouldn't hear of it. I voiced my 'requirements' of being open and honest in all areas of life and many never phoned again. It was a true indication their intentions were not honest. No, this is not me giving you any advice, no matter where you've been or what you (or I) have experienced, I would look to you for opinions as well because we've both been dating, single woman for many years.
I have a very hectic life and although I was willing to make compromises a for Mr. Wonderful, he is also very self-sufficient, independent and as much a person who enjoys solitude as myself.....so I really don't have any time to waste if there is no chance of something very and permanently special to come of pursuing a relationship. So, I've learned how to weed them out quite rapidly. Mr. Wonderful is also self confident and self assured, knowing what he wants from life and in a relationship, so my insistent 'requirements' should not phase him either. He would be openly communicative in voicing his needs and would be respectful in understanding mine as well.
This may be just a fairy tale. Maybe Mr. Wonderful will never love me, but it's a chance I am willing to take. I am not in ANY way in need of a man in my life. I have secrets that I might share with a really close, spirit-filled friend regarding having my needs met; I didn't want to ever be needy of anything again; financially, sexually, emotionally, etc. and I have found the key to being very much at peace, joyous and content on my own without lowering my needs for a relationship, to anything less than everything. If I die, I will have known love. Maybe not a wonderful, loving relationship, but I will have known love. I know that may sound weird, but I needed to leave my needs up to God and as I've learned how to let go and let God and he has given blessings beyond overflowing to meet all of my needs.
You know, I just adore you! I love your openness, your honesty and your loyalty to your family and friends. You just seem to be such an amazing person! You deserve so much Lil' don't let anyone ever tell you, you don't and don't ever let anyone make you feel you're not deserving of the very best! ~Blessings to you this evening my friend~
posted by
roadscross
on September 25, 2007 at 6:20 PM
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cryann
He first said he wanted to see me, and I said when and where and he said how about Tues, and I suggested the resturant we first met at and he wouldnt hear of that, he wanted to come here and I said you know if you come to my house and bedroom, I know it wont just be talking. And I told him I was uncormfortable about it and he said I am the boss in the house and I should be able to do what I want. Before when we first started dating he understood how I felt and now he doesnt. He doesnt think I care enough to have him there, he told me he was commited to being only with me. He just wouldnt take the uncomfortable for an answer, and we have never been to his place, I tried to explain if he had been coming around like a real bf, I probably wouldnt feel the same, we were getting there until he got sick, now he doesnt think I care enough and that i dont make him important enough. I would go to his house if he asked me, he lives about an hour from here and I think he thinks he should be the one coming here. I really do care and I think a lot of women would of told him good bye if he hadnt called weeks at a time. That is what I was up against not knowing what was going on with him, and he knows infidelity was a big part of my problem, we may both be disabled who knows, especially now as I find new aches and pains, but I want him, but he was so pushy with me last night not the same sweet guy he was before and I wasnt feeling good either and he called me when I was falling asleep and he wants an answer right away. So now I dont know what to do but I like you advice and I might try to use it. Wish me good lucks
posted by
Lanetay
on September 24, 2007 at 7:41 PM
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IMO - from my experience with FMS, I can't imagine why he would want to
relax at your place, (as opposed to his own home). Have you staying in his home? Maybe he's feeling 'unimportant & hidden from your kids?' It shouldn't matter if he is just visiting for the evening whether your kids are there, they should become familiar with him. I never had a sleep-over while my children lived at home (unless they were gone with the other parent for the night or longer). Even with my kids at 18/20/25 (all married or engaged), I wouldn't openly have a 'sleep-over' (lol) with them present, staying over or even expected the next morning. (Although they wouldn't be welcome unexpectedly since living away from home). If you told him you didn't feel comfortable with a sleep-over with even your grown daughter in the house and he didn't respect that, there is no respect. Certainly without respect, there is no basis for a commitment?
I would phone him apologetically and say, "I just phoned to apologize because I think maybe you didn't understand me or we miss communicated? I would love to spend time with you but don't feel comfortable with my daughter home for you to stay overnight and I knew there could be no compromise. Maybe you misunderstood me regarding not wanting to discuss that? And why would you want me to wait for a month to phone? I still wouldn't compromise where my children are concerned." Certainly without communication, there is no basis for a commitment either?
I wouldn't disregard his intentions or feelings whatsoever, although. He may have some valid reasons for needing to be there with you if he has been or is in a lot of pain. Maybe he's looking for a much deeper commitment but feels unworthy and is testing his push with you to see if you can tolerate his needs. It's a tricky business being 'sick.' If I were you (because of what I went through with FMS), I would seriously ask myself (you) if you are willing to be attached to someone that may be disabled, considerably, maybe long-term or even on to advanced stages of MS?
I would never hesitate (if I loved a man), to take on whatever physical burden or challenge presented him. It would be a burden of love I would carry all the days of my life. But I, (personally), if not already truly loved by a man, would never bring any man (or anyone) into my life carrying such a physical disability myself. My guilt would destroy the relationship and in turn the one trying to love unconditionally. Just my $2 worth! ~Blessings Lilliane, you are always in my prayers~
posted by
roadscross
on September 24, 2007 at 7:08 PM
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richinstore
we had before he got sick a near perfect relationship now he has changed and wants it his way or no way. I cant do that
posted by
Lanetay
on September 24, 2007 at 6:38 PM
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lustorlove
it's up to you to make the next move... remember I posted a blog on "SEX WITHOUT LOVE IS EXERCISE"? Well, you know what's best for you.
posted by
richinstore
on September 24, 2007 at 6:26 PM
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joab1
so now its take a month and sort it out
posted by
Lanetay
on September 24, 2007 at 12:32 PM
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Troosha
you are probably right, but he asked me not to call him for a month once I have an answer for him
posted by
Lanetay
on September 24, 2007 at 12:31 PM
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Le_divorce
now he told me to take a month and not to call him untill I have things streghtened out, he wants to come to my house, although my daughter is 21 she wont be ready to know moms in the bedroom with him
posted by
Lanetay
on September 24, 2007 at 12:30 PM
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Relationships are so hard and nothing is easy in them, really
specially when you have a past history like that. Hope you can overcome all that, I know I need to overcome a lot too.
posted by
le_divorcee
on September 24, 2007 at 9:36 AM
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lustor
It’s so easy to make it right. You just pick up the phone and apologize for lumping him in with men from your past and for doubting his sincerity. From my experience a clear, concise, and sincere apology is well received by any man.
posted by
Troosha
on September 24, 2007 at 8:56 AM
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TWO SIDES TO THE STORY
There may well be "two" sides to the story, but IMO each of you keep interpreting the other's feeling incorrectly. Too quick to react without first thinking it all through. We all suffer this difficulty in varying degrees. Hang in. Joab
posted by
joab1
on September 24, 2007 at 7:46 AM
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Kabu
I called and he wanted to see me Tues night at my house and I told him I wasnt comfortable with that, is that wrong?
posted by
Lanetay
on September 24, 2007 at 6:30 AM
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ring him...say your'e sorry and you love him.
he's making mistakes yes....but he's human too and men do have nerves and self doubts. I'm learning too lovely lady.
posted by
Kabu
on September 24, 2007 at 3:11 AM
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Re: lustor...
thank you I did, thanks for caring
posted by
Lanetay
on September 23, 2007 at 9:06 PM
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callista22001
I have gone through a lot with a husband I was married to for 20 years, and he left me with self doubt so I to prove to him I could get other men I used sex and the gratification I got from it at the moment then it was just one time with most , that lead me to more self doubt, but now this one is trying to tell me isn't the others.
posted by
Lanetay
on September 23, 2007 at 8:58 PM
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lustor...
Read my comment to you on my blog!
posted by
Soul_Builder101
on September 23, 2007 at 8:50 PM
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lustor
I think it is time you forget the past, you can't change it, but you can change the now. You should be plain and truthful, you will not accept anything but respect, then don't jump into bed until you know the man you are bedding, that he is not just using you for sex. The way you gain respect will be to show respect, stop using men for sex if you want love, stop using the excuse of how men are treating you if you don't expect them to treat you better.
posted by
callista22001
on September 23, 2007 at 8:37 PM
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