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Re: ophelia
Thank you SO much Troosha! I was going to finish it off in a different way and just tweak a few bits here and there. Your suggestion for that ending is absolutely perfect - I just knew as soon as I read it that it said exactly what it should say. I wanted to end it with her being covered in ivy again, despite any help offered, and the way you've out it says exactly what I could picture but couldn't get into words yet. It's very much a draft and things like line breaks and stanzas are usually something I go over at the last draft - although a lot of times now, I prefer to experiment with line breaks and uneven stanzas.
Thank you again - that line is right for this poem - I might tweak the odd word here and there but overall it is perfect (so pefect that you should get royalties when I start earning in million $s when I'm a Rockstar Poet.... oh... ha... or maybe you would like a nice cup of tea? 
posted by
opheliablue
on September 8, 2007 at 7:23 PM
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ophelia
The title struck me so much that I wanted you to come back to that thought at the end of the piece. It’s fabulous, by the way. Creating less breaks and bigger stanzas might make it a slightly easier read and (if I dare make my personal suggestion)…. I’d like to see your closing line refer back to that wonderful title;
But I have gone
into a breath of ivy for example....
The pain of your journey is told so well in the piece!
posted by
Troosha
on September 8, 2007 at 10:17 AM
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Re: Very effective - I know what you mean about the ivy, or whatever it is,
Thank you - and yes, that covered by ivy/whatever feeling is not nice...
posted by
opheliablue
on September 8, 2007 at 10:17 AM
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Very effective - I know what you mean about the ivy, or whatever it is,
that somehow seems to cover us when we are not feeling good.
posted by
Antonionioni
on September 8, 2007 at 8:55 AM
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