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flappergirl
HONESt self-examintion and a.....FIGHTBACK?
posted by
Soul_Builder101
on August 17, 2007 at 6:23 PM
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Duty and Honor
have always been important to me. I have therefore been blind-sided both times I have been divorced. Note the directionality of the term. I never considered either cheating or divorce, but my ex-wives considered and performed both. After this last divorce, my life has completely spun out of control, I have been unable to get a professional job, having lost my last one in the flurry of divorce-related legal and marriage counseling demands while trying to protect myself from a new middle manager at work, and then being unable to consider the "custody killer" jobs which were the only ones open at the time. I have borrowed heavily from one of my brothers in order to avoid bankruptcy, but that is wearing thin and I am still one step from bankruptcy, homelessness and death, as are my children.
So as I rattle my chains from hell, let this Jacob Marley warn you of the devastation that divorce would wreak, and advise you not to initiate a divorce and pass on my words to your husband as well. If you treasure your life and that of your children, do not divorce.
Forget what the lawyers and the courts tell you, dead men and even just homeless men pay no child support.
Carl Peter
posted by
cpklapper
on August 17, 2007 at 6:02 PM
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Hey! Life is your oyster! Yumm, Yumm, Eat 'em Up!
posted by
WindTapper
on August 17, 2007 at 5:48 PM
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Re: flappergirl
First, congratulations on five years of marriage! We are on year 15.
I welcome your comments and feel that you are truly talented with words. I so get what you are saying and just can't express it any better than you did.
The hiccup for me, are my kids -- they love their dad, they love our family and that it is what they need right now.
posted by
flappergirl
on August 17, 2007 at 1:09 PM
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flappergirl
I don't know what makes a person cheat. Is it the thrill of the chase? A taste of something different? Rebellion from the constant responsibilities of marriage? I have no idea. I must admit I've felt all of those things at some point in the few short years (five in September) I've been married. However, I've never cheated or seriously considered the idea, even when presented with seemingly perfect conditions (i.e. no reasonable chance of getting caught). It's not only the profound love I have for my wife that keeps me in line. It's not the vows I made before my family and friends or the ring I wear on my finger. I can't dream of cheating on my wife because there's no way in the world I could intentionally inflict so much pain on her by betraying her like that. The moment I would seriously consider cheating, knowing how she would react, how it would make her feel, would be the moment I decided I no longer loved her as a wife and even respected her as a human being. Whatever we had is long gone and not worth salvaging. I'd leave. If I feel this way as a husband, she must feel this way as a wife as well. No compromise, no debate. All or nothing.
You stated in your comment to me from the last post I wouldn't know what I'd do for certain until something like this happened to me. There's truth to that. All this is at best is speculation and conjecture based on what I know of my wife and myself, our wonderful qualities as well as the not so nice ones. I must also admit a byproduct of never have experienced something like this firsthand means my words, though hopefully passionate and sincere, also ring rather hollow.
Lastly, just to avoid any misunderstandings with you or anyone else who may read this comment, let me say I'm casting no aspersions on your husband, on you, or this unfortunate (for lack of a better term) situation. Furthermore, I'm not judging your decisions, implying any rightness or wrongness to your actions and/or feelings, or insisting you defend them. Lastly, I'm not trying to cast myself as some paragon of virtue so noble and pure that such situations are beneath me. I'm well aware of my own humanity and have the scars that prove it. These are simply my opinions (possibly too much of them) and we all know what they say about opinions.
posted by
Talion
on August 17, 2007 at 12:06 PM
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flappergirl
I see that I am going to have to go back and read the preceding parts of this. Like you, when I made my vows, I believed in "happily ever after" and "grow old along with me...". I still cherish those thoughts but from a jaded point of view and as one of life's failures.
posted by
TAPS.
on August 17, 2007 at 10:56 AM
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You have chosen the higher path ... if you need help letting go and
moving on... contact me.
posted by
Shams-i-Heartsong
on August 17, 2007 at 10:10 AM
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Beautiful inspiring post !
posted by
afzal50
on August 17, 2007 at 9:36 AM
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