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Chyrlann
I understand! He walks with me too. He shows me a way.... when there is nothing to turn to! Become an outcast, one of the invisible people, for to be a star in the world, one has to be like evil. I do what is necessary to preserve the link with HIM and his guidance!
posted by
Soul_Builder101
on August 18, 2007 at 8:30 AM
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SB,
I have no problem in sounding stupid, or appearing ignorant, actually admitting stupidity is an excellent form of purging oneself of prior programming, I believe. To come to the knowledge that one knows nothing is a clean slate to begin discovering ones own truth.
So I will risk that of appearing to possess no intelligence whatsoever for the sake of this comment and begin by expressing my continued elation to read a writer who has explored many beliefs and has come to understand the motives, attempted programming or driving force behind each. I cannot claim to have thoroughly investigated any belief other than Christianity but understand the basis for several, although my 'childhood programming' did not stem from Christianity or any other religious belief.
I was an infant of 1-1/2 years when a very large man molested me. I had night terrors of this giant until I was ten years of age. My father was a large man also and my mother referred to him as 'the giant.' She came once in the night warning me to be silent "or I would wake the giant." I held the screams in and slept under my bed for the first five years of my life, until my imaginary friend came to comfort me. I did not know the giant wasn't my own father until I was twelve years old when I came face to face with the monster who had also molested my mother. I found out at twelve years of age that my mother had been raped; hence came my sister.
My imaginary friend stayed with me throughout my life. He comforted me when I was hit by a truck at seventeen and hospitalized hemorrhaging for over a year, when I was raped at twenty three, during each of three miscarriages, when I was bedridden parapalegic for nearly three years, when I suffered chronic pain for nearly fifteen more years and when I could no longer stand the pain and attempted suicide. He walked me through the recovery of an incurable disease and when my husband left me for another woman. He held my hand through my son's attempts at suicide and alcoholism. He held my hand when I let go of my grandfather and father who both passed within six months of one another and he's still holding my hand.
My truth of who or what God is or of which religious belief is true came to me by shear necessity. I was not able to live within my own tormented body for the largest extent of my 48 years. I was forced to seek comfort beyond mortal man's means. If this method' the child was given in order to survive became the child's truth and in turn the only truth the woman has ever known, it was not conjured nor did it derive from man's understanding of truth.
I pray my 'short story' does not offend you, just offering the perspective of my truth. Thank you for sharing yourself here.
posted by
roadscross
on August 18, 2007 at 12:22 AM
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Comments
Thanks for reading guys(and girls). Hope you are richer when you're done. If not, tell me and I will post something especially for you!
posted by
Soul_Builder101
on August 17, 2007 at 10:03 PM
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posted by
riri0322
on August 17, 2007 at 8:25 PM
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Soul_Builder101
Wow, I'll have to take time to digest that terrific post, it's like a new vocabulary and a new way of thinking.
posted by
WileyJohn
on August 17, 2007 at 8:22 PM
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Re: Interesting....
Thanks to all of you who read my entries whether you respond or not. I hope I help you understand life, in an un-orthodox way!
posted by
Soul_Builder101
on August 17, 2007 at 7:26 PM
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Interesting....
posted by
Sheilah
on August 17, 2007 at 5:06 PM
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posted by
Amanda__
on August 17, 2007 at 5:42 AM
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Re: Hi SB
Point taken!
posted by
Soul_Builder101
on August 17, 2007 at 5:11 AM
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Hi SB
Samskaras are the mental impressions left at the time of the death of any animate beings carried forward to their next birth, called the instint. The infant croc, immediately upon birth, runs towrads the water, so does the swan chicks, even stopping midway upon spotting danger, an eagle for example. Who tuaght them, the question arises. Then there are the samskaras which are inculcated during one's childhood and through the entire span of one's lifetime.
posted by
Bhaskar.ing
on August 17, 2007 at 4:23 AM
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posted by
afzal50
on August 17, 2007 at 12:15 AM
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