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I think it reads pretty well. I especially like the part where the protagonist is remembering all the platitudes she's said to grieving people.
The only thing I might do to make it more effective is to nip and tuck a few things here and there. For example, in that passage I like so much, "I think of all the things I said to people when someone they love had died and I was trying to give them encouragement...I was a fool."
You don't need the line right after that, "none of that means anything..." -- it's an expository that takes away from the power of that passage.
But all in all, it reads very well, poignant, insightful, and dead on to an experience so many of us have endured.
Sorry about the length of the comment here. Good work!
posted by
strat
on June 6, 2007 at 6:03 AM
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Wow! that is good! You got me hooked.
Two roses
& a smile
from me! and Bo! =^..^= Woof!
posted by
Whacky
on June 5, 2007 at 8:42 PM
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Highly captivating story !!!!!!!
posted by
afzal50
on June 5, 2007 at 5:52 PM
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WOW!!!!...
posted by
lovelyladymonk
on June 5, 2007 at 1:01 PM
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MiaElla MiaBella
This is beautiful...I don't find any signs of struggle at all. It is very easy to read and flows along nicely. Good job...
I remember when your brother was killed. I remember Groucho rallying everyone around you...Gosh, I cannot imagine the horror. If only he'd been wearing that damn seat belt! All those "if onlys" haunt us during these times!
((((Mia))))
I hope revisiting this chapter in your life is healing for you... :)
LoveLoveLove
posted by
mysteria
on June 5, 2007 at 10:52 AM
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