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Benzinha, gotta speak it too.
If you aren't searching your mond for the words, you cannot find you way to them once you want them. Stutteringly groping through a sentence does it, just as babies learn lamgiage. Some savants don't need this, but ther fluency suffers.
posted by
majroj
on June 3, 2007 at 6:16 AM
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Hatman Agha, is the most useful phrase so far. Certainly, sir.......
Just what a new wife should say and not much else, I think.
My mental muscles are milk toast. New languages at my age can only be learned in situ, I fear.
I have played the tape over and over and over, 8 hours and I can say good-bye and certainly, sir, all else turns to vapor in my cloudy mind. Maybe, it is all that I am meant to learn.
posted by
benzinha
on June 2, 2007 at 1:47 AM
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Re: some things run parallel, maj. I am studying Farsi at home.
Never too late to flex the mental muscles and let the different ways of handling reality stretch our minds. "Izmee Major Roj....". Insh' Allah..
posted by
majroj
on May 26, 2007 at 9:49 PM
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some things run parallel, maj. I am studying Farsi at home.
Too old to do any good, but I have a running joke that I will marry my bro-in-law's widowed brother.
When I see my BIL, I ask, how is my furute husband's health? I never let Javad hear me say this or he'd never visit town again, in fear.
Now, I study Farsi, just memorizing words that I could use in certain situations, to make my BIL laugh.
Sounds a bit like the ladies and kids taken and integrated into Indian communities back in the old raiding days. They have all sorts of feelings and experiences and things conflict and get all mixed up, when your identity is split a bit.
Most of them didn't feel sorry for themselves, nor find it all as revolting as their original families did.
I fear that my little Pakistani foreign daughter may be made to marry a relative this summer home, to keep the family things in the family since her daddy died and she and her mom and sister want to reclaim every shared thing and sell it all.
posted by
benzinha
on May 25, 2007 at 5:57 PM
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majroj - yes very true
posted by
littlemspickles
on May 13, 2007 at 1:30 PM
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littlemspickles the key is whether you can live with it and function.
While things can be done wrong to make victims feel worse, I think that nature, nurture and culture all have set the stage for whether each person can "survive and operate". We hurt people as much by trying to put a high gloss polish on their "recovery" as we do by demeaning them or refusing to listen.
Every culture has its own paradiagms for victims, not always in accord with ours.
posted by
majroj
on May 9, 2007 at 7:21 PM
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i guess everyone has a different coping mechanism
and a different way of surviving. I don't know if I'd cope in the same way though...
posted by
littlemspickles
on May 9, 2007 at 4:37 AM
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Azur, we NEVER know everything about anybody.
The interesting facor is that of refusing to be a victim or to be labelled.
Some folks need it, but it has been scientifically observed that in cultures that lack a "label" for some conditions, these conditions are nowhere near as prevalent. (Not stuff like "appendicitis", but PMS, PTSD, Stockholm Syndrome, and even "chronic back pain").
I've known some people with horrific tales that seem to check out and they are quite blase about it. I've know others that are either or blase, or "traumatized", but their storys didn't check out. The difference I've noticed is that people who really have been there generally just don't bring up the subject because the rest of us won't get it...unless they are looking for a handle on the experience themselves. "Munchausens" tend to bring it up at every opportunity as a means to status and favor.
posted by
majroj
on May 7, 2007 at 11:57 AM
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Indeed.
Sometimes we must simply accept that we will not completely understand someone. Fascinating story. I have a friend who also became ensnared in a terrible situation in Tehran and wrote a book about it. It was difficult to understand how the woman I used to have lunch with got into this terrible life
posted by
Azur
on May 6, 2007 at 10:39 PM
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