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Okay ModernBox..
I tried some dialogue here, but I really don't think it is working too well. Oh, and the font is huge. Whaddya think?
posted by
slakesphere
on March 9, 2007 at 12:19 AM
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Wonderful Short Story
posted by
1TimeSoldier
on March 7, 2007 at 7:24 AM
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Simply Marvelous
I am far too full of enjoyment to critique too much of this. I love the full trek your tales make, and I especially love the in-tune, heart-felt allusions and similes and metaphors you use with such trust and intention. Above all, I love the progression of scenic color you conduct, and the saxophone-sensation conclusion is beautiful. As for critique: I think your font should be bigger, first of all, and maybe it's my own eyes, but I'm sometimes peering to taste your words, and I don't want to have to steer my concentration while enjoying your worlds. Also, I'm a sucker for dialogue, and I would have liked to hear what some of these surrounding personas had to say. I am very much excited for your next story.
posted by
ModernBoz
on March 7, 2007 at 1:09 AM
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comment
wonderful one.
i myself had treated loneliness in my first post SECLUSION.i can understand the narrator's emotions fully.
rithwik.lancs
posted by
rihwik.lancs
on March 6, 2007 at 11:59 PM
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