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i would also suppose that different areas treat "outsiders" differently
like where you went to school -- and where the two guys went on the shooting spree -- forgot the name
upper middle class, I guess, where probably both parents are away a lot and the kids are by themselves or with their "packs" a lot.
I grew up in mainly working class environments, where the mothers were at home, so at least one parent was present when the kids got home from school.
and there was some ostracism, but not that much. I remember at Central High in St. Louis City one girl who was perceived as "dumb" and maybe even a little "crazy" was a mark for everyone there -- I had a problem, as I recall, with kids' attitudes toward her, but when a female classmate was trying to get me to tell who my girlfriend was, she wrote on the blackboard "xeno + whatsername" -- I recalled at that and, in order to get her erase that, I told her who my real girlfriend was -- didn't want to be associated with whatsername.
one guy who was a friend of ours was constantly harassed by "bigger" guys who would take his bookbag or such just in spite and they were pretty mad at him because he would tell the principal -- and we told him he brought it on himself.
i had troubles with certain guys, who would pull a prank or two on me, but I passed it off as just plain playing -- one guy dared me to cross a board across a water puddle -- moved the board and knocked me off it -- that was my fault, sucker that I was -- another couple of guys slapped mud on the back of my raincoat, saying that they were cleaning it off -- sucker me again -- when my parents went to the principal and he called the two guys in -- I tried to stick up for them -- funny me.
i don't really know -- I really wasn't tormented by my tormentors -- like when they discovered that I was really afraid of being piled on (maybe because I couldn't breathe well) -- and screamed -- they would every once in while throw me to the ground shout "pile on!" and about four or so of them would pile on top of me there on the bottom -- but eventually, I got used to it and shouted "Pile on!" myself -- I think that was the last time because they weren't getting to me like they had been.
I think part of it was that I tried hard in sports -- in softball I was a dud -- went to catch a fly in the outfield and it plopped right in my glove and out again -- but I was a great tackler in football -- the "school jock" was out there in the playground and they were playing a game of tackle football (6th grade) and I rushed out there and tackled his legs and dropped him and boy was he surprised. needless to say I was allowed to play -- but the jock was pretty smart and kept me in his sights and stayed away from me.
did the best i could at high school phys ed sports times -- softball i still wasn't good at -- but i was fast at football and many times sped past the lineman in front of me to get at the quarterback before he knew what was happening. the one guy defending who was right across from me finally wised up to that and stopped me a few times -- but i faked a move or two and got past him after that -- at first he blocked me hard -- then I just sidestepped and he went past me stumbling and i went after the quarterback.
liked wrestling, liked tennis -- loved tennis. got into wrestling in Jr. High when during gym class I pretty well wrestled circles around this friend of mine who was about twice my weight -- fast and slick i was. did well against others in the class.
tennis was great -- no physical contact -- just pounding that ball across the net and working with a strategy.
i think your problem was soccer and your step-dad coached a soccer team and maybe you were expected to do better.
soccer never was big when I was growing up -- the regular american sports were -- and I never really got into soccer -- from the 70's on, all the suburban kids did -- maybe at the first, more hockey.
soccer is something like basketball -- lots of movement and action and bodily contact.
playing "hot sock" (indoor soccer) in HS --wasn't the best experience -- I was out in the field a few times, got kicked in the testicles about twice going after the ball, shied away and got chewed out by the "team captain" for not wanting to get where I'd get kicked again -- then got my wrist sprained badly as a goalie (half the team was field, half was goal) putting my hand out like a traffic cop to stop the ball -- stopped the ball, but had to go to the nurse's office.
part of the key to things is courage.
maybe even different types of kids -- the ones I grew up with maybe were rough and the same principles of the pack applied, but at the same time, they were in their own way forgiving of those outside their pack. seems like those suburban brats thought they were so good -- and were harder on those different from the pack.
but remember this and tell your own kids -- all kids are afraid of something and that moves them to do what they do -- they aren't so mean as they are insecure and use the pack mentality to bolster their insecurity.
I am very certain that many of those who feel that "Jesus is the answer." have a lot more trouble coping with life than you do. They pursue the false god of a messiah they think will save them from themselves.
posted by
Xeno-x
on March 1, 2007 at 10:07 AM
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well that's what creates strength
doing it yourself.
I am much the same way.
we all have been where you have been. some will deny it.
there are many Christians who shut out the real world and withdraw into that Jesus fantasy and their own world is in reality crumbling around them. I know of one in particular and several throughout my life.
kids are tough.
wish I'd a known then what I know now.
everybody works through fear of some sort. even the bullies and the ones who berate those who just don't 'fit in".
kids in particular gravitate to cliques for protection, for assurance that they are accepted. they exclude others, and several cliques of all these others are formed -- and those individuals who just don't fit? . . . lone figures wandering around.
humans thrive on bringing others down -- it is a survival thing.
what you want to do is counter in your own kids that psychology of fearfulness that develops.
the odd person out never fits in. but many, like you, have transcended the tribal attitudes running rampant throughoit society.
I seem to have had a mental buffer to all that -- been picked on myself -- but didn't hold grudges -- the guys who tried to pick on me were still my friends somehow. I got mad when one or two went too far and did lash out swinging fists. one or two said "you taught me something."
hung out with all types of groups -- more later
posted by
Xeno-x
on February 27, 2007 at 3:32 PM
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Thought inducing post .
OUr life is actually always without God , we just use his name for our benefit . Am I becoming an Athiest too . Take care.
posted by
afzal50
on February 27, 2007 at 1:40 AM
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I once took a course on the Great Books of the Western World, and the History Professor said one day that "God is dead." Of course, he had only one student who agreed with his opinion ~ a boy sitting near him. I poled the rest of the class, and everyone still believed in God. Well, this was the first time anyone had said any such thing to me, so I quit the University and joined a serious Bible Study. As it turned out, God was not yet dead. They killed him while I was at the Bible Study.
posted by
Jenasis
on February 26, 2007 at 8:39 PM
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