Go to Religion in the Modern World
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- Go to Compassion for our fellow bloggers
Your post makes sense, and so do many comments. Good thinking.
posted by
Pat_B
on February 25, 2007 at 6:39 AM
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Ciel - that's another good point - we are not health care professionals
Acting as a sounding board upon occassion is one thing but playing Freud is quite another.
posted by
gomedome
on February 24, 2007 at 7:39 PM
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Wait, let me rephrase that spontaneous comment...
...And no matter how well-intended, this is not the place to offer hand out
serious amateur therapy even to those who seriously need it!
I think I feel a blog coming on...
posted by
Ciel
on February 24, 2007 at 1:16 PM
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...And no matter how well-intended, this is not the place to offer
serious therapy even to those who seriously need it!
posted by
Ciel
on February 24, 2007 at 1:12 PM
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Ciel - that is a really good point - there are some things apropriate to
discuss with online aquaintances and there are some things that are better not discussed.
Most deeply personal issues fall into the latter category.
posted by
gomedome
on February 23, 2007 at 11:54 PM
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SoloWriter - that is your best comment yet
I especially like the "no alcohol" part. That is absolutely sound advice. Reality must be dealt with before impairing that reality with an inebriating substance. I didn't follow your other recommendations as well however . . but saw the humor in the last one. Maintaining a sense of humor is a vital element on the path to mental health as well.
posted by
gomedome
on February 23, 2007 at 11:05 PM
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Talion - your comments are pure gold - and I have always maintained that
you are a better man than me.
I can't resist giving them a good bop on the head before I begin to act responsibly. It is just my nature, a problem that my wife of 26 years has dubbed "testosterone management problems". I can't help but be compelled to inform some people that they should find someone weaker of will to pick a fight with.
posted by
gomedome
on February 23, 2007 at 10:57 PM
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We always have the choice not to engage with someone who becomes
irrational or confrontational. We can rarely know people online well enough to know what kind of healing they need, nor should we expect others here to understand and know us well enough to always respond to us appropriately. If we want to engage on deeply personal levels, perhaps an open (or relatively open) forum like this is not the place for it.
posted by
Ciel
on February 23, 2007 at 1:30 AM
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Well, you just earned my most recent article as a comment.
I would recommend to any person suffering from serious emotional or mental health problems to do the following:
1. Become a vegetarian. No animal products whatsoever.
2. Keep well covered when out getting fresh air, jogging, walking, bicycling, etc. Skip any "traditional" workout uniforms and wear stuff below the knees and below the elbows, covering the chest area. Nothing tight.
3. Do not buy cable or satellite. Try your favorite movies through NetFlix at a much lower price and less couch potato time.
4. Avoid birth control pills and other internal methods of that sort. Never sleep around.
5. No alcohol.
6. Stay away from any "doctor" who did not give you this sort of advice along with your effectively mild medication that has no bad side-effects. If your doctor gives you a bad prescription and no advice for solving the actual problems, send him or her a duck for Christmas.
posted by
Jenasis
on February 22, 2007 at 8:41 AM
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gomedome
They say comedy is simply tragedy that happens to someone else. A similar statement can be made concerning this little community of ours. A petty blog war is only "petty" when we aren't involved. Others have said we aren't/can't be/shouldn't be responsible for the irresponsibility of our fellow bloggers. I wholeheartedly agree. However, we have the responsibility to be rational even if confronted by irrationality. By all means we should defend our positions, but once it becomes obvious a fellow blogger is spiraling out of control, we should make sure we remain firmly in control. Block, report, let the powers-that-be handle it from then on, but continuing the "conversation" only makes things worse.
posted by
Talion
on February 22, 2007 at 7:57 AM
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Presley - avoidance is quite often the best policy
This blogging site is a big place, there is no need to afford time to those who are detrimental to enjoying the blogging experience. There have been people on this site for years that I have never had dialogue with (and vice versa). A few quick reads of their postings allowed a determination that we had nothing in common.
posted by
gomedome
on February 22, 2007 at 7:41 AM
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Tonyzonit - I feel the medium itself empowers those who are ill prepared
to deal with it.
The vast majority of people have never been in a position of authority, or have been business owners, or teachers or any other station in life that would compel an individual to consider another perspective, or debate in a civil manner. Couple this with the empowerment that the instantaneous anonymous publishing of chat forums or blogs provide and you end up with the equivalent of monkeys playing with hand grenades.
posted by
gomedome
on February 22, 2007 at 7:38 AM
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Gomedome
You have a big heart! I like your thoughts on this!
I'm going to try to find at least one thing good in each blogger I choose to converse with; however, I will not condone or accept consistently negative patterns of behavior thrown in my direction. I will arm myself with tolerance by imploring the use of avoidance. Sometimes the only choice we have is to avoid that which we can not change or those that refuse to see your intentions as the extension of an olive branch or an attempt to gently but assertively point out the error of their ways.
posted by
Presley
on February 22, 2007 at 5:15 AM
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It mystifies me why people in chatrooms generally and here can be so
...immature and argumentative - not in the 'debate' sense of argument, but just wanting to put others down. The Opinion bloggers can be very rude to each other, but as long as they expect that form of behaviour from each other and enjoy it (for some reason) then I suppose there's no harm done.
posted by
Antonionioni
on February 22, 2007 at 4:52 AM
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Renigade - I have to agree, we are on exactly the same page
Compassion turns to tough love at a certain point. We all have a right to the expectation of appropriate social behaviour.
posted by
gomedome
on February 21, 2007 at 9:07 PM
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mysteria - what can I say? - I thank you for that kind sentiment
. . . but I am nothing if not a gentleman.
posted by
gomedome
on February 21, 2007 at 9:01 PM
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TAPS- there are no off the shelf answers for this type of thing
We must all deal with it to the best of our abilities while counterbalancing two primary considerations. We have responsibilities to ourselves not to become absorbed by the problems of others, nor to let those same problems ruin our blogging environment but we must also not become completely innoculated against caring for others. As far as guilt goes, I have none. The way I see it; I took several unsolicited pokes in the chops and endured a scathing post assassinating my character without any type of similar response and the amazing part is that I got off easy! I am way down on the list of those transgressed against, not even a mentionable footnote in this story compared to what others endured. My instinctual reaction has immediately traversed anger and is now one of complete pathos. I can't help but feel sorry for anyone in that mental condition.
posted by
gomedome
on February 21, 2007 at 8:49 PM
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GomeDome, This is of such high mind and and uncommon grace...
..."but the point is that retaining one's love for all of humanity is what separates the men from the boys. It is also an impossible task. I will extend them compassion laced with pity if they are not capable of respecting others, they will never receive undo respect from me if they are incapable of reciprocating".
Posted by on February 21, 2007 at 7:29 PM
Very good GomeDome...
posted by
mysteria
on February 21, 2007 at 8:45 PM
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gome--I think you and I are on the same page.
As a prime example of the feeling I get when a disorderly blogger is booted, I can only think of (and forgive me for not remembering her name) that female NASA astronaut who was arrested for (allegedly) tryng to kill her romantic rival.
Sad? Yes.
Mental? Definitely. After all, your average scorned lover doesn't slap on a Depends and drive halfway across the country...
A waste? Very much so.
I look at photos of this woman--who apparently had it all--and think, "Wow, what a shame. What a waste."
On one hand I'm sympathetic. Moreso, however, I'm saddened that she threw away so many valuable aspects of her life in the heat of one insane moment.
That's about how I feel when bloggers go off the deep end, but on a much smaller scale. I do feel for them. But hey, the world goes on and they (like this NASA woman) have to bear the consequences.
The space program isn't going to stop (well, okay, the Shuttle program IS ending, but not because of her 
) just because one woman goes lunar (pun intended). And neither should blogit stop because one writer uses his/her pen as a sword.
posted by
Renigade
on February 21, 2007 at 8:30 PM
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Renigade - I absolutely agree - who would pay to become a psych ward
orderly?
Most psyche wards pay you for emptying the bedpans of others. I didn't sign up or pay membership fees to be a public tackling dummy for headcases. Excuse my crassness but there will be nothing to debate if some imbalanced persons keep dropping stinkbombs all over this forum as we have witnessed. But having gotten these harsh words out of my system; I begin to feel sadness for the pityable mental anguish that afflicts the transgressor. Life itself has to be an insurmountable challenge when someone is that friggin spun.
posted by
gomedome
on February 21, 2007 at 8:23 PM
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gomedome
You ask a lot of good questions here that have no generic or universal answers. Each person must consider what you have put forth and come up with an answer for themselves that seems right for them and one that they can live with without feeling remorse afterwards. Most of us are not prepared to deal with mental illness and resort to self-protection only in desperation. It is easy, with a lack of information, to do more harm than good even when we have good intentions. Good post.
posted by
TAPS.
on February 21, 2007 at 8:16 PM
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Truth is, there are many of us that could easily be considered
"less-than-sane" by your average healthcare professional. So, with that in mind, I generally try to maintain a certain level of understanding for even the most outlandish characters--even those whom I find most irritating. THAT SAID...
If a blogger threatens the environment of this--my blogging oasis--and becomes so much of a distraction that real writing and discourse can no longer continue on any level--then my pity party ends.
Besides, quite frankly, I'm not here to babysit every Baby Jane that comes along. I'm here to read, write, argue, and make crude jokes. Just as in the "real" world, there are consequences for actions.
I'm all for making room for characters of every type of psychosis, phobia, or mental disability. Violent offenders, however, should be moved to the other end of the asylum (aka suspension).
posted by
Renigade
on February 21, 2007 at 8:13 PM
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Jaahda - I will encapsulate what has happened recently to the degree that a
relative newcomer like yourself might possibly care.
We have had an experience as a community that was unpleasant for a lot of people that have been here awhile. It has happened before and it will happen again but this one might have been the mother of them all. When things get ugly, the fun dissapates in a hurry, it is simply bad for the blogging business. This place can pay enormous dividends if one is not looking for monetary rewards. You will find that your timing may be very good to rise to the top of the Blogit rankings and stay there for as long as you can sustain it. A void has been created. Fresh blood and fresh ideas coming into this forum are welcome additions at this point.
posted by
gomedome
on February 21, 2007 at 8:13 PM
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ladychardonnay - that is the basic and undeniable truth
We only know about all of these semi-anonymous bloggers what they tell us or demonsrate by their behaviour and actions.
posted by
gomedome
on February 21, 2007 at 8:00 PM
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Masky_ - every last one of us needs improvement
posted by
gomedome
on February 21, 2007 at 7:57 PM
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Gomey...
We're all just a bunch of big messes...works in progress!
posted by
---Masky---
on February 21, 2007 at 7:32 PM
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Masky_ - no truer words were ever spoken - you have encapsulated my
thoughts on this perfectly: "............but it's hard to be compassionate and keep your cool when people aren't being compassionate or respectful in return."
Absolutely; it is hard in these circumstances to be compassionate but that is the entire point of Jesus' message on this subject: turn the other cheek ..... before you do the right thing and clobber them. (I may have that little parable wrong) but the point is that retaining one's love for all of humanity is what separates the men from the boys. It is also an impossible task. I will extend them compassion laced with pity if they are not capable of respecting others, they will never receive undo respect from me if they are incapable of reciprocating.
posted by
gomedome
on February 21, 2007 at 7:29 PM
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Gome...
My brain has turned to mush over all of this...I don't know what's right or wrong anymore, because you stand up for one thing and you've got people mad at you for that. You stand up for another and you've got people mad at you for that. You keep your mouth shut and people are mad cuz' you didn't stand up for something. I'm sooooo confused. Compassion and respect is important, but it's hard to be compassionate and keep your cool when people aren't being compassionate or respectful in return.
Have you ever heard that saying, "I can only please one person at a time and unfortunately, today's not your day?" That about sums it up, huh? You wrote a very lovely post. I'm glad you shared your view!
posted by
---Masky---
on February 21, 2007 at 6:20 PM
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interesting post
i just speak my mind and talk about my experiences - but if you don't want people to know - then don't tell - we don't know who the hell you are
posted by
ladychardonnay
on February 21, 2007 at 6:13 PM
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thanks gome for hitting the spot again.....
other than that anything i could say has been said by ariala, david, msyteria etal. not that i know what the recent fuss in here has been about LOL. and this probably makes the post more salient.
posted by
Jaahda
on February 21, 2007 at 6:03 PM
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-blackcat - thanx for stopping by
posted by
gomedome
on February 21, 2007 at 2:25 PM
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Ariala - I absolutely agree with your comment.
You have eleborated quite nicely upon points I only touched on by suggesting we must balance everything against socially accepted behaviour. The consideration of the mental state of others bestows upon us one singular responsibility as caring individuals and that would be to extend compassion to those less fortunate than ourselves (assuming of course that we are not the ones that are crazy) ....someone has to represent "normal."
posted by
gomedome
on February 21, 2007 at 2:23 PM
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mysteria - I feel bad as well - especially when they do it to themselves
and seem incapable of seeing it coming.
When all is said and done, we are influencing each other with mere words on a computer screen. A prior mental imbalance must exist if mere words have enough power to send someone over the deep end.
posted by
gomedome
on February 21, 2007 at 2:15 PM
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Ariala... hahahahahha.... pet me, baby!
posted by
-blackcat
on February 21, 2007 at 1:30 PM
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Excuse us Gomey, I have a bunny to attend to LOL
posted by
Ariala
on February 21, 2007 at 1:27 PM
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another good post.... and to Ariala, you're turning me on! LOL
Really... good comment. stop that. LOL
posted by
-blackcat
on February 21, 2007 at 1:05 PM
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Gome, I think compassion is important not only for the weak, but for
the strong...Because I can take crap, people rarely have compassion for me. I was even told that once. A person on Blogit once implied that I don't feel anything. Are you kidding me? I feel everything, and it's because I do that I've LEARNED how to control my emotions, actions and reactions. If I can do it, so can others, and if they think they can't, it's not my fault or yours. I am a strong proponent of taking responsibility for one's own mental health. If people come to a forum they are bound to run into all types of people with all types of opinions. If you know someone is driving you crazy and you suddenly think it's on purpose, well, the logical thing to do is to not go clicking on that person's post. I find that too many people come to Blogit with a chip on their shoulders. I don't think we should start walking on egg shells and watering down our posts to suit the mentally unstable person among us. Nor do I think we should purposely irritate people with issues, but we don't always know who they are. When someone comes to my posts with the same argument time and time again, it gets old. I don't carry on debates with such. Usually it's due to fundamental differences that can't be resolved. At such a point you just have to agree to disagree and behave like an adult, not a two year old who can't have a cookie. As you know, some people are draining and after a while, all you can do is block them. Period.
Good post.
posted by
Ariala
on February 21, 2007 at 1:02 PM
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Very good post, and glad to hear it
Yes, at the core we are all humans, and most of us believe we are good beings. Therefore any pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others doesn't make us any better, that's for sure. Learning from experiences we see and live hopefully will make us that much better.
posted by
David1Spirit
on February 21, 2007 at 12:44 PM
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Hi GomeDome Your post hit me in the spot where my heart lives.
It is a large area admittedly so it is easy to hit, nonetheless, I always feel bad when someone gets banned.
Thank you for illustrating how important it is to remember that when all is said, unsaid, and done, undone, the human being remains.
You do a service in reminding us that we are indeed mere mortals, and as mere mortals we are all subject to shortcomings...
posted by
mysteria
on February 21, 2007 at 12:40 PM
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