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Welcome, Mark!
BRILLIANT!
Thanks for a great laugh - too bad it hurts so much.
posted by
WriterofLight
on February 21, 2007 at 6:58 PM
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Suggested letter for Madam P:
Dear Madam Pelosi,
As a legal American citizen and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue
Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the
Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process
for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen
to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the
Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's
provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United
States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a
$2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a
good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started
before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay
taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years
of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I
can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent
result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and
2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local
emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.
Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter
would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school
applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges
throughout the United States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the
burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have
college age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become
illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms,
I would be most appreciative.
Thank you for your assistance.
posted by
mark2556
on February 20, 2007 at 7:50 PM
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