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A Norseman
hi ya, well, I'm very happily married and one thing that really has been good for us is having our own separate spaces as you've mentioned. It's possible to have a very loving relationship and still maintain separate sleeping areas for.. uh.. actually sleeping!
posted by
Nanaroo
on January 31, 2007 at 9:47 AM
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Alf.. what an interesting post!
I think some women would have no problem with that arrangement.. others might.. but what the hell. Find one that doesnt mind and go for it! I think I might like the idea as long as there were no locks on any doors.
posted by
Blue_feathers
on January 26, 2007 at 8:16 AM
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Well take my comment with a grain of salt since I haven't lived with a human being in 13 years, and then it was not intimately....But I think it sounds like a pretty good idea. I treasure my privacy and "me-time." And while I like the idea of sleeping next to the man I love (maybe because I rarely see him and we can never be togethter, but that's another story....) the reality of it...I don't know. I just don't think I could sleep. Plain and simple.
posted by
Holy_Grail
on January 25, 2007 at 4:23 PM
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Alf, I wouldn't go so far as to use me as a sanity-barometer,
but the club....that sounds fun; a sleeping-single club! (But only if we were allowed sleep-overs)
posted by
roadscross
on January 25, 2007 at 12:13 AM
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Cherylann...
Thank you, it's good to know I'm not insane...hey, we could start a club.
posted by
A_Norseman
on January 24, 2007 at 10:23 PM
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These are some extremely good questions for anyone who has
been single for any length of time. I personally don’t relate cuddling or sex to sleeping at all. I think we all need to do whatever it takes to get a good night’s sleep. I actually had a sleep apnea related disorder when I was married because he wrapped his self around me and snored like a buzz saw. I retreated to the couch as often as possible and got shamed for deserting him. It was extremely selfish on his part because I was actually sick from it. I don’t have any other choice but to sleep alone; my sleep number mattress, a pillow for my head, one for my arms, one against my back and one between my knees. (Now isn’t that a handicap)? I’m known in my family as ‘the princess and the pea’ and I’ve questioned ever being able to live with anyone again because of it. Besides, I think spontaneity and sneaking would be half the fun.
The separate space requirement is also an extreme issue for me because I work from home and require a considerable amount of time alone; reading, writing, studying and music. I’ve had no experience with men needing their own space or any having any voice regarding decor because there’s never been anyone in my life who spent any time at home. One husband was on the road three weeks of each month and one worked 12-14 hours a day, six days a week.
I think your friend is wrong. There are compromises that are understandable, but situations of importance like how someone needs to sleep or whether they require separate time or space doesn't need to be compromised if they're priority issues for someone. Now the decor issue, that is definately a 50/50 compromise.
Boy, I sound rather hopelessly single myself…..but I like the ‘morning glory’ 
comment though, that made me laugh.
posted by
roadscross
on January 24, 2007 at 7:21 PM
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Julia...
I was cracking up after I read your comment, probably because it is partly true. I do seem to have a sense of entrapment when thinking about being in a bed with the same person night after night, at least to some degree. Maybe it's because it is an unwritten societal rule...people expect you to sleep with your spouse every night and if you don't that means something must be wrong!? I'm sure there would be nights where sleeping with a woman I love all night and waking up with her would be perfect. What concerns me is when the night came when I wanted to sleep alone could I do so without causing a problem? I want to reserve that option without fear of retribution.
posted by
A_Norseman
on January 24, 2007 at 5:24 PM
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alf--
you're doomed to singlehood, but not because of the bed issue. I'm half kidding, half not. I actually see no problem with wanting your own space, and I would probably need to sleep apart as well. It's the way you put it, as though "getting away" from her is an intrinsic need and you wouldn't be happy unless you could "escape" to your own space. Do you see how that makes you sound less than emotionally ready to share space...or whatever...with someone?
posted by
Julia.
on January 24, 2007 at 5:02 PM
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I like your thought it could be experimented for a change .
posted by
afzal50
on January 24, 2007 at 4:46 PM
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Waterkat...
I suppose there may be something to be said for having someone fall asleep in my arms, but once they fell asleep, and the circulation in my arms was completely cut-off, I think that would be a good time to slink into my own room. With regard to morning glory...I don't see an issue there either. If I was awakened by morning glory I'm sure I could make it to her room in time, lol. That would be part of the fun...visiting each other at times like that.
posted by
A_Norseman
on January 24, 2007 at 4:42 PM
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But what about......?
Yes, your idea does make a lot of sense and I agree with all aspects of it, however, what about the wonderful feeling of falling asleep and waking up in the arms of someone you love? Wouldnt you want that now and again?
And what about your 'morning glory' huh, you could lose it on your way to the other bedroom!! 
......
posted by
WaterKat
on January 24, 2007 at 4:15 PM
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Thanks Presley...
I appreciate your input.
posted by
A_Norseman
on January 24, 2007 at 3:35 PM
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Norseman
I don't know that too many women out there would tolerate sleeping in seperate beds. I, on the other hand, wouldn't have a problem with it. My favorite part of sleeping is when my husband gets up to take a shower. That's when I stretch out, get comfy, and doze off for another 10-15 minutes. But, I'm also not the "hold me, cuddle me" type. I'm afraid your friend is PROBABLY right, but you never know!
posted by
Presley
on January 24, 2007 at 3:26 PM
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