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So it's never emotional for men Joe, even when they love the person?
posted by
bel_1965
on January 18, 2007 at 8:31 PM
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wifey
Men have sex for 1 thing and 1 thing only. Women are the ones that have the emotional ties to it. Any man who tells you otherwise is probably fibbing to you.
posted by
Joe_Love
on January 18, 2007 at 8:25 PM
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Justi
You know what you said here is very similar to something my old History Prof said to me once.
I was in college during the Clinton/Monica scandal and I made the comment that I didn't really care about whom he slept with my problem was with the lying under oath as the rest was between him and his wife. This man is now a retired LTC but that was the one time I saw him lose his cool and he really gave it to me about that.
"If he is going to lie and cheat on his wife, someone he claims to love above all else what makes you think that he won't do that to every single one of us he is supposed to represent?"
I have never forgotten that statement and it most certainly changed my way of thinking.
posted by
bel_1965
on January 14, 2007 at 6:45 AM
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bel
I have to leave another comment in response to your comment to Naut's comment. No everyone does not cheat. To cheat on your partner is to cheat on yourself. You made a covenant. It is very hurtful, hateful and disrespectful to the other party. It takes a very strong person sometimes not to cheat. But if you cheat on one you love would you not steal, lie, or murder if you thought you could get away with it? Can I trust one who cheats in any business or personal deal?
posted by
Justi
on January 13, 2007 at 9:59 PM
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Hear hear Justi!
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 8:07 PM
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LOL Pat
Now I am hungry for fried chicken!
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 8:06 PM
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LOL Offbeats
Toys are forever faithful!
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 8:06 PM
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Naut
you had me until the last sentence. I pretty well agree with most of what you said but I don't agree that everyone cheats. I could have easily cheated while Carl was gone but honestly I would have rather shot myself in the foot.
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 8:05 PM
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Good thought Katray.
LOL about the gem of a man.
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 8:04 PM
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Maggie
I agree with you.
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 8:03 PM
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And you now get to move onto the 25,000 dollar question Presley
LOL couldn't help myself.
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 8:03 PM
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LOL Onetimeagain!
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 8:02 PM
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Stbond
thanks so much. Very good point about the guilt.
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 8:02 PM
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thanks Rich
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 8:01 PM
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Ody
that is an excellent point.
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 8:01 PM
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people sometimes use love
as a matter of mutual convenience, just for things such as providing one a place to live, social connections, or some type of other “convenience”. This is really not love at all, but focus on some associated object.....
posted by
telemachus
on January 13, 2007 at 7:26 PM
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Nice post and thanks for sharing.
posted by
richinstore
on January 13, 2007 at 6:52 PM
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I think both men and women are. . .
capable of having very deep physical, emotional and spiritual responses to sex. . .and that it's best when all of this comes together. I've known people of both genders to treat sex in a cavalier fashion, and people of both genders who just don't want it without love involved.
As for cheating experiences being unsatisfactory, I think it would be both a lack of proper connection and a feeling that the cheater is doing the wrong thing. Guilt, shame, anger and all of the other dark spectrum emotions are antithetical to any experiene of pleasure.
Interesting question.
posted by
stbond
on January 13, 2007 at 5:42 PM
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Bel.. what was the question?
I read the comments and got to thinking about .. mature thoughts..Im....so confused. lol
I have to ask.. what is cheating?
posted by
Blue_feathers
on January 13, 2007 at 4:50 PM
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Bel
These are such good questions you pose. I think alot of women would say it has more of an emotional based quality. Most men would say physical unless they're in a long term, committed relationship. As for cheating, I belief women cheat for the very same reason: emotional attachment due to lack of emotional attachment in their relationship. Men, again, physical cuz' they ain't gettin' it at home. That's my final answer.
posted by
Presley
on January 13, 2007 at 4:41 PM
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bel.....
I disagree with Nautikos, everybody does
not cheat.
posted by
MaggieMae
on January 13, 2007 at 4:35 PM
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Fascinating and thought provoking Bel
I do believe for many men, sex is about emotion and love, along with lustful needs. (And he, umm, that gem of a man can totally rock his partner's world, lol..
) And for some women, sex is purely a physical thing; no strings attached.
A thought - what does the fact of prostitution services existing mostly for men reveal?
posted by
Katray2
on January 13, 2007 at 4:29 PM
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bel
there is some research (and I cannot, at this moment, quote chapter and verse, haven't looked at that stuff in a while) which appears to suggest that there is a tendency for women to be more emotionally involved when having sex than men. In other words, there is a statistical correlation between gender and emotionality during sex.
When it come to this sort of stuff, there are are always questions both of the validity and reliability of the measurements, and hence the results. And of course a statistical correlation that applies to an aggregate never allows conclusions about individual cases.
And yes, everybody cheats, but I don't know of any research on that, may I should do some...
posted by
Nautikos
on January 13, 2007 at 4:11 PM
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bel
Both genders cheat. Personally I don't think it has a darn thing to do with their partners. I think they do it because they are selfish...
*note* my toys don't cheat~
posted by
Offy
on January 13, 2007 at 3:28 PM
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IMHO it depends on the individuals.
I have known men who got very emotional and committed to their lovers, and others who thought of sex the way we think of fried chicken. When we're hungry we get some, and then we go on.
posted by
Pat_B
on January 13, 2007 at 2:19 PM
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bel
You ask for our take so I will give you mine. First and foremost for the majority of women it is emotional. They need physical touch a lot, they need words, words and more words so when there is no communication of any significance at home they look around. There is not, can not and will not be better consistent sex than that in a truly good marriage. Now I am an old lady. I was married then divorced for thirteen years and married again. I have had a few samplings. Marriage and the sex within that marriage is only as good as the relationship is between breakfast and bedtime. Women need hugs, they need the closeness of a man who will be kind, sweet to them. The strongest man to a woman, is the most gentle one. One who knows his worth as a man and is not afraid to do dishes, hug her before anyone and let her know how beautiful she is no matter whether she has had time to comb her hair.
posted by
Justi
on January 13, 2007 at 2:05 PM
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good line Julia
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 11:50 AM
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Um...
tell me again, what is this thing you call Sex?? I vaguely remember it, but just can't quite place what it's all about. LMAO. That would be kind of funny if it weren't true.
Here's my infamous line: Men give love to get sex, and women give sex to get the "illusion" of love!
posted by
Julia.
on January 13, 2007 at 11:49 AM
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Mia
I have to admit that is one topic that really baffles when people start talking about it.
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 10:59 AM
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Sunny
I like your way of thinking.
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 10:59 AM
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Bel
I think people cheat because they get bored, or they think they are missing out on something, and I think sometimes connection is one thing, and pure animalistic sex for gratification another.
posted by
MiaElla
on January 13, 2007 at 10:46 AM
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Bel
As for cheating, I have never actually engaged in this activity....I've always told the other person if I've ever gotten any serious feelings about someone else, and left it to them whether they want to still see me or not.
In my case, the reason that the relationships never worked out is that they were unfulfilling. I can't imagine why someone would cheat unless they are looking to find something they don't already have.
I think people who cheat regularly have serious issues about/dealing with sex. Then there are those who may try it a time or two, and realize that the grass isn't as green as they thought it was.
There is also the hurt factor if the other person finds out. If they love that person, it can be very tormenting to live with that hurt in that persons eyes.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on January 13, 2007 at 10:45 AM
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LOL Moxie!!!
Caveman sex is GREAT!
posted by
bel_1965
on January 13, 2007 at 10:27 AM
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Sex used as a tool? Tell me this is not so!
Sometimes I want passion, other times just good old caveman sex. I don't really believe ones gender makes a difference, at least not in my books.
posted by
Moxie_Maven
on January 13, 2007 at 10:20 AM
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