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- Go to The "No gift agreement conundrum" your thoughts?
Sometimes I can't help myself even if there was an agreement
especially if I see something I know that person would like..
posted by
Offy
on January 8, 2007 at 10:39 AM
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A Norseman
I might have even done the same thing some time or other in my life, but I don't remember the specifics. I just like buying things for other people. BUT! I really don't agree that the woman (or the man in a reverse situation. Yes, I know you're out there) should silently expect the man to buy something as well. That's asking for trouble and could be a sign that communication is not going so well.
As for the one receiving the gift, just thank your partner and appreciate the gift. After all, it was his/her decision to buy it, despite the agreement. If she/he should start bellyaching about not getting anything in return, just give the darned present back with a pointed look. You give presents for the giving, and not for the getting! (Gift of the Magi was always one of my favorite tales)
posted by
Helen_Bach
on January 7, 2007 at 5:36 AM
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A_Norseman
That problem seems to come around every year with someone getting their feelings hurt. It has caused me a lot of grief in the past but I have grown to be very literal about it. It does help to make things a bit easier for following years because people finally get the idea you mean what you say.
posted by
TAPS.
on January 6, 2007 at 5:56 PM
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Onetimeagain...
Thank you. I always like being reminded that men do the same things that I complain about women doing. It helps keep me balanced.
posted by
A_Norseman
on January 4, 2007 at 12:08 PM
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for the ladies..
I have made similar agrrements with varying degrees of success. Ive found that quite often men have done the very thing that you say .. the women did.. bought a gift after the agreement not to exchnage gifts.
Perhaps its geography, or self esteem issues.. or generosity..or regifting to the 10th power, or any reason imaginable.
I say thanks and move on.
posted by
Blue_feathers
on January 4, 2007 at 11:20 AM
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Thanks word.smith...
That sounds reasonable doesn't it?
posted by
A_Norseman
on January 3, 2007 at 3:43 PM
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I'm not sure what I'd do in this situation,
but I'd sure do my best to restrain myself from running out and buying anything if we agreed no gifts.
posted by
word.smith
on January 3, 2007 at 3:38 PM
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No Problem Cherylann...LOL.
posted by
A_Norseman
on January 3, 2007 at 1:02 PM
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Oh, breaking agreements.......
I got off on a tangent, I apologize. It's just that all of this talk of gifts on Blogit confused me, lol. Agreeing and then not is called lying and breaking an agreement is called cheating or breach of contract, literally, written, verbally, legally or otherwise. I wouldn't feel bad if I kept my end of the agreement. Integrity is integrity.
posted by
roadscross
on January 3, 2007 at 12:58 PM
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Gypsy...
Good story! That's what I am talking about. I'm a literal person, words mean things and it confuses me when people say one thing and do another.
posted by
A_Norseman
on January 3, 2007 at 11:25 AM
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Alf...
I have this same issue in a work situation. We decided to do secret santa so you'd only have to get one gift. I was new to the office and so this was perfect for me. At the holiday dinner we're doing our secret santa. After it's over, everyone starts handing each person a gift! So why did we do secret santa? I sat there feeling like an ass because I only bought my secret santa a gift. I said, "Thanks for the welcome to the office, now that you guys made me feel like a complete ass." They said that they do that every year. What jerks. I think people who do shit like that are just trying to show they are "better" than you and are out and out manipulative.
posted by
RedHeadedGypsy
on January 3, 2007 at 11:01 AM
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Holy_Grail...
Don't feel bad...you are not alone. It's just not easy being human sometimes.
posted by
A_Norseman
on January 3, 2007 at 10:06 AM
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Talion...
That Queen V is a crafty one...you have your work cut out for you.
posted by
A_Norseman
on January 3, 2007 at 10:05 AM
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Joe_Love...
I suspect you are correct...it's like when you are asked if a certain garment makes them look fat, it's really not a question at all but rather an opportunity to craft a compliment of some kind.
posted by
A_Norseman
on January 3, 2007 at 10:04 AM
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Thanks Afzal...
posted by
A_Norseman
on January 3, 2007 at 10:01 AM
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Julia...
You are an uncommon woman. That's a good thing.
posted by
A_Norseman
on January 3, 2007 at 10:01 AM
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Cherylann...
I agree with you about your general gift philosophy, but I'm not so much talking about gifts themselves as much as I am talking about agreements between people. I'm not an anti-gift guy, though I prefer giving gifts out of the blue for no reason than for a particular holiday, that's beside the point though. What I'm talking about is people entering into an agreement knowing they are not going to honor the terms of the agreement.
posted by
A_Norseman
on January 3, 2007 at 10:00 AM
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ALFSTER--
Before Christmas I saw an ad on TV that was this exact thing, only they BOTH got each other gifts. I shook my head and said NO WAY!! I hated that commercial. If I make an agreement not to get someone a gift, then I'm NOT going to. It would be better, I suppose, to make an agreement to just get each other a "little" gift under $10 or something, you know. But to say you aren't and then to still do it, that's just stupid!!
posted by
Julia.
on January 3, 2007 at 9:56 AM
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I guess I'm just really, really weird because I don't understand the gift
thing at all. I'm so far off the gift o'meter that I'm feeling like an alien from another planet. I'm not cheap or anything; matter of fact I've given away every last dime I've had to loved ones in need. I've given food, comfort, understanding, my time my clothing and even my furniture. I told someone in my family once, years ago that I needed a couch and by the weekend I had two couches in my living room; another time; two washer/dryer sets and even cars. Clothing has literally walked in my door all of my life and even food; family, friendly local farmers, hunters, fisherman. I always thought those were gifts!
I've never been in need or want of anything but time and no one can buy that for me. That is something I have to make for myself and everyone who knows me, knows I will make the time to help them if they are in need. I've always thought that was give and receive!
I was married to a man once who had money issues. He had a lot of it and thought it was used for buying people. He tried to buy me for almost six years; jewelry, clothing, cars, houses, etc. He couldn't give me the only thing I ever truly desired and that was his time. When he admitted he had finally fallen in love with one of his girlfriends as I was walking out the door he pleaded after me, "But I can afford you both..... I gave him weekends along the coast, picnics in the dunes and even a trip to Hawaii one year; the only catch was that he had to give me his time.
As far as exchanging gifts; I was on the beach with a friend and he found a beautifully perfect sand dollar, handing it to me he stated that it was just like me, perfectly beautiful. I gave him a blue rock because it was the color of his eyes. Another friend found for me four, smooth round stones; I will cherish those gifts forever.
If it is the thought, then isn't it the moments that are cherished?
posted by
roadscross
on January 3, 2007 at 12:19 AM
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Interesting post.
posted by
afzal50
on January 2, 2007 at 7:25 PM
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A_Norseman
This is one of the oldest tricks in the book! lolol It doesn't REALLY mean not to get something for the other. What it REALLY means is not to overspend. LOLOL
posted by
Joe_Love
on January 2, 2007 at 6:19 PM
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A_Norseman
Queen V and I make such agreements for Christmas only (birthdays, anniversaries and of course the dreaded Valentine's Day don't count) opting instead to buy something needed for the house. As per the agreement this year, I bought her nothing and she didn't buy me anything either. Or so I thought. A couple days after Christmas, she was out and just happened to see a joggin suit she thought would look great on me.
"I thought we we're exchanging gifts," I said while trying it on.
"This isn't a Christmas gift," she replied, "It's just a gift."
Liar! Liar! Liar!
Fortunately for me her birthday is in early January. I have some catching up to do.
posted by
Talion
on January 2, 2007 at 6:00 PM
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I haven't been in that exact situation, but last year we agreed as a family not to do gifts since my Mom had lost her job and had to move in with my sister and brother in law, and they were having difficulty making ends meet and keeping afloat. I gave my sister something, but it was just a DVD that I had ended up getting twice. She was really pissed, even though I hadn't gone out and bought it. And of course I got my Mom "just a little something." I guess I couldn't help myself since I was the only one doing okay financially. But I didn't do much at all. Also, earlier this year some friends had a party for their 2 year old and asked for NO GIFTS. Well the friend I went with went out and bought the kid a big present anyway, and I felt like a stingy loser...So, after all that rambling, I guess I have no insight on the man-woman thing. (Which pretty much describes my life!)
posted by
Holy_Grail
on January 2, 2007 at 5:59 PM
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