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Troosha
thank you so much for that comment I needed to hear that. So many are missing the real issue here
posted by
Lanetay
on November 19, 2006 at 12:58 PM
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Lustor
I think you hit the nail on the head... Sticking to weight as being the sensitive issue, if you tell someone they're overweight, would look more attractive if they lost "x" amount of pounds, that dress doesn't look good on you because you're too heavy, etc., it's human nature to want to rebel. It's also human nature to wonder "Why can't you love me just the way I am. Why do I have to change to receive your approval?". So it doesn't inspire but rather it's an affront on an already fragile ego.
posted by
Troosha
on November 19, 2006 at 12:52 PM
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pf
just a ps to your few remarks you have made to me about being a lone, didn't you jut recently lose weight and aren't you having about as much luck as I am with men. And we also happen to be in a different age bracket. I have discovered older men are looking for a good looking women to have others look at them and its not about what else that person offers.
posted by
Lanetay
on November 19, 2006 at 12:40 PM
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ladychardonnay
not even one leg can be
posted by
Lanetay
on November 19, 2006 at 12:12 PM
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he is and he adores her
not everyone is a size 4 or 6.
posted by
ladychardonnay
on November 19, 2006 at 11:53 AM
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ladychardonnay
now she must have a decent man at least
posted by
Lanetay
on November 19, 2006 at 11:51 AM
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oh i hear you - my old neighbor
used to tell her kids she wished they were dead - they were stupid - parents can be so mean. i would never say that to my kids. my oldest daughter is getting heavy and you won't hear anything from me. her boyfriend loves her and if she wants to be that way fine.
posted by
ladychardonnay
on November 19, 2006 at 11:45 AM
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lady
I meant weren't lecturing
posted by
Lanetay
on November 19, 2006 at 11:41 AM
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ladychardonnay
my parents were lecturing parents just my mom had a way with words that could of been more tactful, but that was her makeup.
posted by
Lanetay
on November 19, 2006 at 11:40 AM
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i guess i am just different
my father's words really affected my oldest sisters more than me - they cry over his death where I don't. i clearly remember going to my room after one of his "lectures" completely calm and counting the hours until I was 18. the day i left i didn't even say goodbye and he wondered why??? he was really mean to the middle sister and she has suffered the most from his verbal abuse.
posted by
ladychardonnay
on November 19, 2006 at 11:31 AM
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Kasthu
that is really extreme and sad
posted by
Lanetay
on November 19, 2006 at 11:28 AM
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ladychardonnay
words that are spoken that puts you down with the self esteem and you have a hard time to get back up and really care. I was at one time when I was married very thin and then I gained weight as I think my husband didnt want anyone else to look at me
posted by
Lanetay
on November 19, 2006 at 11:26 AM
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My mom deals with the same thing with her parents, too. My grandmother, who is 4'11 and weighs about 80 pounds, was always afraid of being fat, and of having daughters who are fat. She continually puts down my aunt, who struggles with her weight. That's how my mom ended up being annorexic in the 12th grade--she's 5'4 and beforehand she weighed 120 pounds, which is not fat. But her parents told her she was and that she had to lose 10 pounds before she could apply to college. It's sad, it really is.
posted by
Kasthu
on November 19, 2006 at 11:22 AM
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Passionflower
thank you for the words you did give me, but I feel I am a very attractive woman, and if I had a better body, men would be falling over themselves to be with me, but the ones that I do attrack, its all about sex as you are finding out.
posted by
Lanetay
on November 19, 2006 at 11:22 AM
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i know - i have suffered with depression too
life is not easy - but self-esteem is a strange word - i like confidence better. no matter what anyone tells you - you feel how you feel - that's it. and if you feel lousy because of your weight then you feel lousy. dieting sucks at any age - but is much harder as we get older. my sister is trying to lose weight and now her skin is hanging in places. i have a turkey gobbler neck thing going on - i am 47 - not 27. i have modeling pictures hanging in my bedroom from when i was 18 - looks just a tad different.
posted by
ladychardonnay
on November 19, 2006 at 11:10 AM
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I can't speak for the other folks in your life but
The reason I spoke up was because I care about you. You're a very passionate woman who very clearly doesn't want to grow old alone. But that's exactly what will happen to you.
Life is about choices we make. It does no good to argue about why society is the way it is and whether it's fair or not. Though you're a very lovely person on the inside, you need to work on the outside. If you're willing to do the work, you can look and feel better -- plus you'll feel better about yourself as well.
But it's ultimately up to you. We've all got stuff like you speak of from our childhood that messed up our thinking in some area, Lilane. Just ask around and you'll see.
You're a grown woman now though. You're responsible for your appearance. You're the only one who can change it or fix it. Either fix it or just accept yourself the way you are. You haven't done that. If you'll resolve the issue in your own heart, then you'll be at peace, whether you choose to loose the wieght or not.
posted by
Passionflower
on November 19, 2006 at 11:07 AM
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ladychardonnay
When my mom was starting to go down heel I had a hard time to tell her I loved her even though I knew I did, but I knew in the back of my mind somewhere I had some resentful feelings for her and that probably goes back to her way of telling me things, and not building my self esteem, then I got married and he did the same things, so its hard to build the self esteem back up
posted by
Lanetay
on November 19, 2006 at 11:04 AM
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no i have never been fat - but
with my accidents this year - i know what it is like to walk with a cane and have a slight limp. so now when I see someone with a cane or limping I know how they feel. I can't walk in "your" shoes but i can tell you that many overweight people are very happy. my father was an abusive prick - i never listened to him - even at age 9 i thought and "knew" he was an asshole. my mother was too naieve.
posted by
ladychardonnay
on November 19, 2006 at 10:58 AM
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blackcat30
My mom was a very nice person but was very outspoken but not tactful, and hurt us very often. And the older she got the more outspoken she was.
posted by
Lanetay
on November 19, 2006 at 10:50 AM
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self esteem is definitely the key... and that means positive encouragement.
posted by
-blackcat
on November 19, 2006 at 10:38 AM
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