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food4thought
Believe me I nudge and I know that once we get moved, that he will meet a group of guys that will take him under their wing and share the same dreams and goals. These things I know dont happen over night and you have to take baby steps. I am trying to guide this kid into the baby steps. The first step however is having a real job to support his family and his hobbie/dream. I just cant seem to get through to him that things cost money. He has no concemption at all of money
posted by
StrickGold
on October 30, 2006 at 11:05 PM
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Strick Gold...
There could be a silver lining in your dark cloud. My son had to do all of his own work on his bikes, I knew very little about them, so the deal was, I would help, but he had to do the lions share of the work. While he didn't like it at first, he accepted it and went on to Motorcycle Mechanics Institute in Pheonix. After that he took a couple of years community college in Spokane focusing on the machinist program. During this time he worked his way up to the pro level at the local track. That proved to be harder than he thought, but his competitive nature had to have an outlet, so he started making special parts for bikes and now has his own business and is building a house. Of course this didn't happen all at once and it wasn't always easy for him. Had that competitive bent gotten focused on drinking, drugs and such, it would be a totally different story. I feel very lucky, looking back because he certainly had a few dark days. So many people helped along the way if make one realize how little a parent has to do with thier kids at times.
If Darwood is good, maybe someone will take him under a wing, you never know. At any rate, don't push, just nudge, always nudge.
posted by
food4thought
on October 30, 2006 at 10:47 PM
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PassionFlower
Thanks so much for the great words of wisdom. I think that is part of my problem - I have lived my life for my husband and my children and never really done anything just for me.. Well as they say the times they are a changing.
posted by
StrickGold
on October 30, 2006 at 10:21 PM
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lady
I have tried that and they did clean up for awhile but its back to the same old thing. I am to the point where I am about to take HEFTY bags and just starting loading them up and out to the curb for trash pick up they go.
posted by
StrickGold
on October 30, 2006 at 10:17 PM
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food4thought
yes it does help - the boy hasn't had much of a role model as his dad and uncle are both on the racing circuit. Darwood has been raised to believe that you work a little and play a lot because that is exactly what his father has done all of his life.
posted by
StrickGold
on October 30, 2006 at 10:15 PM
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Words of encouragement
I know it's hard now. Espeacially when your going thru the storm. I am currently struggling with depression myself. But I have found, there must be a balance. Trouble doesn't last always, and if your still standing when the day is done, odds are this storm will blow over. And you'll still be here.
Be encouraged.
posted by
Newlife02
on October 30, 2006 at 9:37 AM
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I'm so sorry for your situation. I've been thru some of these things
And know how disheartening it is. You have problems with no solutions.
You have people who won't listen and are considered "adults" now so there isn't much you can do about their bad decisions.
I can tell you one thing for sure: you will not be able to get the girl and her boyfriend to do what you want them to do no matter what you say or threaten. In fact, the more you yell at them the more determined they will be to rebel against your wishes.
Sadly, the best way for these young people to learn about life, etc. is to just go live it. They have to make their own decisions, suffer from making BAD ones, and then learn some lessons.
It's always been that way for mankind and will never change. I'm sure they don't understand at all why you're griping at them. They don't know about any of the common sense things you speak of.
They must learn for themselves. If you're going to allow them to continue staying with you then you're going to have to force yourself NOT to stress about the way your house looks.
After all, it's just a house and can be cleaned up and all things put to rights once they move on. Just take a deep breath everyday and walk thru the clutter without seeing it.
Smile when you see a mess somewhere and tell yourself that at least they are there with you and you KNOW they're okay.
Another thing that might help you is to find ways to get out of the house. I often go for long midnight rides in my car and listen to my CD's. I also love painting and sometimes resort to my world of oils and turpentine and canvas.
Get out to a lady's bible study each week and meet some new friends. Most women have been thru similar stuff and would have a sympathetic ear and maybe some prayerful solutions to offer.
Or you could take a tole painting class...join a gym....do something that's just for you.
posted by
Passionflower
on October 30, 2006 at 7:41 AM
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my experience with this is
my sister and i both moved into my parents house with our children (i only had one then) a little more than a year apart. my father said we had to split up the chores and we did. she did the laundry and i cleaned the house. it worked out fairly well. my mother told me later down the road that us moving in was the end of their marriage. she didn't blame my sister and i she just wanted her privacy and i don't blame her. if it bothers you that your house isn't clean tell them to clean up or get out. they'll clean.
posted by
ladychardonnay
on October 30, 2006 at 5:29 AM
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Keep your chin up...
First, I don't know what to say to make things better, I can only offer support to help you feel better. My son is a dirt bike racer, so I am familiar with the racing mind set. Most racers realize that motorsports, on any level, are expensive and time consuming. It is an exciting adventure, but if you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Racing should take a backseat to rasing a family and providing for them. When that is settled, then the extra time and money can be devoted to racing. It seems youth these days doesn't want to pay thier dues and slog through the hard times, they want it all, now. Does any of this help you? Probably not, but at least someone knows how you feel, a little bit anyway.
posted by
food4thought
on October 29, 2006 at 9:59 PM
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