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Apparently, we are not arguing, but conversing.
If you ask me, when a woman marries an insincere suitor who later files for divorce, she only demonstrates to the world her great physical prowess and her ability to bring out the animal in man.
posted by
Jenasis
on October 24, 2006 at 11:54 AM
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SoloWriter - I'm still lost on what the issue actually is then
If it is that some men are jerks, you will get no argument from me.
posted by
gomedome
on October 24, 2006 at 10:51 AM
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Gome ~ No, nothing recent.
I just don't change my feelings on this issue.
posted by
Jenasis
on October 24, 2006 at 10:48 AM
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SoloWriter - this sounds recent - as in too recent to allow you to think
clearly.
I can't tell if you have an issue with something that I have written, with me or with marriage in general. That aside, if this is a recent disaster in your life, and the word "disaster" is probably the most appropriate for an experience such as this, you seem to be emoting or projecting this experience onto others. A completely normal reaction by someone who has been deeply hurt, unfortunately also a reaction that is self defeating in the healing process. Despite how you feel there are a number of inescapable truths that you must adhere to. It is only your inner strength that will pull you through this and all deep wounds take time to heal. The first order of business after a disaster such as this is to be kind to yourself and not allow someone else's folly to ruin your life. Not all men are cut from the same cloth as the individual you describe, thankfully, there are some good ones out there.
posted by
gomedome
on October 24, 2006 at 10:41 AM
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Gome,
OKay, who gives a bleep if some jerk is so stupid and hateful that he'd MARRY you, make LIFE LONG VOWS and then BREAK them because he really didn't love you at ALL, and on top of that, he tries to make you a socially flawed individual for ever getting married in the first place.
It's only the children who are getting hurt.
posted by
Jenasis
on October 24, 2006 at 10:15 AM
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SoloWriter - I'm sorry but I don't see where I implied anything about
divorce being something that lovers do.
I didn't even mention the word love or any aspect of it. Where one can assume that a mutual attraction type of love is the reason that most people get married, this is not true in all cases. Many marriages are arrangements of convenience, in some cultures and even on North American soil, marriages are sometimes arranged by families for a variety of reasons but mostly pertaining to material wealth. Love on the other hand evolves in a marriage. The mutual attraction may not last forever but is quite often replaced with other types of love, from appreciation of one's partner, to a comfort level that can be found with no other person. In your first comment, I sensed a painful personal experience which is something I would not wish on anyone but I can agree with your final sentiment. It is always the children who are the biggest victims in a divorce.
posted by
gomedome
on October 24, 2006 at 9:50 AM
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Gome,
You were talking about divorce as if it were something lovers do. On the contrary, divorce is something haters do to make their ex look bad to everyone else. It means nothing in the realm of love. But the children will give them hell.
posted by
Jenasis
on October 24, 2006 at 9:36 AM
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SoloWriter - you have lost me with that comment
I'm not certain of what you mean or are trying to say.
posted by
gomedome
on October 24, 2006 at 9:10 AM
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A lady cannot avoid divorce when the rapist robs her of her wedding day. It means nothing. The legal tyrant want's his accusation, which he obtains via loophole. But the children of such crimes shall rise up to torment their insincere fathers.
posted by
Jenasis
on October 24, 2006 at 8:42 AM
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To kick against the pricks
Great. That's the best thing I've learnt on Blogit so far...
posted by
Antipodean
on October 23, 2006 at 7:16 PM
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gomedome, I'm sorry that I'm sitting here laughing--not at you but at my perverted sense of humor. It is from The Bible, of course, and in the KJV, it was a comment made by the voice from heaven (God) to the Apostle Paul before he was a Christian and was in the process of rounding up Christians for arrest and persecution. It is a statement of the times (the first century) when oxen were used for plowing and the farmers used a goad with a sharp prick at the end of it to direct stubborn oxen. The oxen often kicked at it in protest. Today, a lot of Christians take it to refer to non-believers who are resisting the call to God. But, the truth is that Christians also fight against God at times and when they do, they have to invent their own reasoning in order to preserve in their minds the beliefs that have been taught or adopted for themselves.
posted by
TAPS.
on October 23, 2006 at 5:20 PM
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faholo - thank you - that is sad, but apparently there are a number of
pitfalls to watch out for after a few decades of marriage.
The few divorced couples that I know who fall into that category found it difficult to adjust to an empty nest. Once the kids were gone with all of their activities gone as well, adjusting to nothing but each other's company for the first time in years was something that they could not do. Then of course there is middle aged crazy . . .
posted by
gomedome
on October 23, 2006 at 4:57 PM
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Xeno-x - I made a point of being ambiguous with any conclusions that I
arrived at in this post but such is not the case amongst some of the faithful.
Somehow they manage to derive blame for their own shortcomings from the most tenuous of logic. I have heard everything from non believers have created a secular feel good world that is destroying Christian marriages (good ol Jerry Falwell came up with that gem) to Satan worshippers enlisting Satan's aid in destroying Christian marriages. Like smarten up people, all of this stuff is just crap.
posted by
gomedome
on October 23, 2006 at 4:51 PM
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TAPS- -- I gotta ask: where did you get that saying from?
"kick against the pricks" . . . what the heck does that mean? .... as for your second comment, thank you. I feel that the word "committed" is appropriate, as in we both maybe should be committed but luck certainly plays a part as well as in I found a woman that would have me.
posted by
gomedome
on October 23, 2006 at 4:45 PM
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Congratulations gomedome to you and to your wife!
The statistics I have read of late are very simple: Approximatley 50% of all marriages are failing today! No distinction related to religious filiation or number of years married. The sad part to me is the number of marriages breaking up after 20+ years with which I am familiar! You might be interested in the article on Marriage on my website entitled Song of Songs. I am taking another look at the links you sent to me and my nephew, my webmaster is interested in your Website, etc., thanks for sharing the info. Keep Writing,
faholo
posted by
faholo
on October 23, 2006 at 4:20 PM
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ACTUALLY IT IS JUST
assuming that since they are their brand of Christians, that they are immune from the "sins of mankind".
and that can be worse than being honest.
posted by
Xeno-x
on October 23, 2006 at 2:03 PM
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P.S. Congratulations on the 25 year mark. You are either very fortunate or very committed (probably a bit of both). I commend you.
posted by
TAPS.
on October 23, 2006 at 1:59 PM
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gomedome, I would imagine that rather than intending to "down-right" lie, it is probably more likely that those who say this are in a state of denial as it is hard for a person to "kick against the pricks".
posted by
TAPS.
on October 23, 2006 at 1:51 PM
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I don't know the statistics, but it seems to me that we make our own
choices... and we chose how to live with them.
posted by
-blackcat
on October 23, 2006 at 1:42 PM
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