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Okay bel, I'm slow. You were military wife (or close), right?
I remembered when you mentioned Carl, if I'm right that is. I'm lucky in that I met my Marine after his tours in Iraq and he's on LD right now waiting for surgery on a bad shoulder. He'll be out soon, but the way the world's going, he could be in Korea this time next year on reactivation. In a lot of places here you can't throw a rock and not hit a Marine or someone related to or dating/married to one, so things are pretty good. But, people have said some really unbelievable things to me and to him. He's been asked in a bar how it feels to be a baby killer when they saw his USMC tattoo. You can imagine how that ended with a group of drunk Marines. I was wearing his USMC shirt one day and these women starting talking really loudly about Iraq, I guess they thought I was the Marine since we live by the Miramar Marine Air Station and there are a lot of female Marines here (more than Pendleton where my husband is stationed, I'm told). I don't understand how they don't get that no matter WHAT conflict, they have to go to work like everyone else. I'm proud of them for being able to do their jobs when some of them don't believe, but they know they made a commitment. Now, with the Pendleton 8 (well, now 7 since the Navy corpsman ratted out the Marines) CNN and everyone are at the base all the time making judgments for headlines. I'm glad my husband isn't a lifer, you handle all this better than I do, I always admired that in your writing before. I hope Carl starts sleeping better. Eddie has horrible nightmares, so I understand how that can break your heart. I saw a story about Lima, Ohio Marines (Kilo company) and thought of you... although I know you're Army. I wondered how everything was going. Hopefully it is you, or I'm babbling! Happy Birthday, too.
Work it for all you can!
posted by
Temple
on October 17, 2006 at 12:26 AM
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Bel
I had no idea you were recieving these types of comments. Do they not understand the tourment that comes with having a loved one in harms way on a daily basis. One blogger.. after I had made a comment supporting our soldiers and not knowing my son was in Iraq asked me how I could wake up or sleep knowing that by supporting the war I was a murder. That comment cut like a knife and I am so sorry you are experiencing such comments. Perhaps some are not aware of the harm they do but now that you've asked them to refrain.... I hope they will respect you and respect your wishes. Take Care!
posted by
BrightIrish
on October 16, 2006 at 11:57 PM
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Bel,it always strikes me as odd, a lack of tact and sensitivity in ones who
claim to be about spirituality, human kindness, and enlightenment. Like I said earlier, human kindness means to me, as in a physicians oath to heal, "First, do no harm" and the comment below regarding an opinion, seems to ill suit someone whose very identity and name is "heart". Paradoxical, isn't it?
I've encountered many who claim to be "spiritual" rather than religioujs, and I'm nore sure exactly what that means. Strat said it best, I think that it is about keeoping your word, that's how MG saw it, n his 8 years in the 82nd Airborne and infantry, he signed a contract, he was there to serve.
If they have a problem, take it up with the powers that be, but for God's sake, shut up and stop bothering you, your family and veterans who are already under so much stress and strain. Spiritual? I think not.
posted by
Blanche.
on October 16, 2006 at 3:07 PM
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Very Well Put
I am in a similar situation and like you - I made a promise and yes I miss my husband but this is what I signed on for 22 yrs ago. Most of us in this life dont have silver spoons in our mouths and we have to take life as it is and we all dont have it easy. We are those that are married to men that are doing what needs to be done so that others live free.
posted by
StrickGold
on October 16, 2006 at 3:01 PM
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LOL Strat!
I sent Carl a video of a family get together last year. In that video my niece was trying to convince me to jump on the trampoline with her (NOT GONNA HAPPEN) and her parents were bickering. Carl said he was apprecaiting his quite time there more and more!
posted by
bel_1965
on October 16, 2006 at 8:37 AM
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Bel,
I don't really remember the Vietnam days -- I was about a year and a half old when he left -- but I know we would make reel to reel tapes sometimes and everyone would talk to dad.
He would later say that, after listening to those tapes and hearing all the screaming, banging, crashing, household bedlam that was going on the background, that he actually felt safer 5,000 miles away in the jungle in a shooting war...
posted by
strat
on October 16, 2006 at 8:15 AM
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Strat
You parents sounds like amazing people. Maybe someday you will share some of their stories with us. I for one would love to know about the people who survived your childhood LOL!
posted by
bel_1965
on October 16, 2006 at 8:09 AM
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Some people are complete idiots.
What it comes down to, like you say, is a matter of commitment and keeping youir word, plain and simple. My folks managed -- my dad was in Korea three weeks after they got married, and in Vietnam with four kids at home about twelve years later. You deal, and you have faith in each other, same as anyone else who is serious about their marriage.
posted by
strat
on October 16, 2006 at 7:22 AM
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Thanks Whacky!!!
posted by
bel_1965
on October 16, 2006 at 6:50 AM
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Engage the brain
I like that one Taps.
posted by
bel_1965
on October 16, 2006 at 6:49 AM
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Thanks Symphony
posted by
bel_1965
on October 16, 2006 at 6:49 AM
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Shams
You are entitled to your opinion and I am going to put this as politely as I am able.
What you just said about him fighting a senseless war, is your opinion...do you think that changes a single thing for me? No it doesn't, it is so important to tell someone who has had their life forever altered by such war that it was for a senseless reason? I really don't think so. You strike me as a kind person, you know my stand on this issue and I would be very grateful if you would consider what words such as your feel like to me.
posted by
bel_1965
on October 16, 2006 at 6:48 AM
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I honor the love you express for your beloved
while I disagree that he should have had to fight such a sensless war, one that reigns terror on Iraqis and creates a world more and more unsafe for all of us.
May we create a world where no ones children and grandchidren will have to raise a weapon in fear. We can feed, house and cloth all the beautiful beings on the planet. Terrorists will have no platform to rally around in this world. It is coming!
posted by
Shams-i-Heartsong
on October 16, 2006 at 1:24 AM
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Wow people do say stupid things......great answers you give!
posted by
_Symphony_
on October 16, 2006 at 1:11 AM
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Bel, It sounds like some of the ridiculous things that people say when someone dies. When my son died, I tried to overlook some of the well-meaning comments because I know that its a hard time for everyone--even those who are trying to give sympathy. But, come on--put the brain in gear.
posted by
TAPS.
on October 15, 2006 at 8:50 PM
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Now those are some good answers for the nosey buttinskys of the world.
Good for you!
posted by
Whacky
on October 15, 2006 at 8:28 PM
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Passion
It's difficult to understand why people think that those of us with soldier's should be their sounding board. I didn't even cover my feelings on those who after finding out Carl was in Iraq would go on and on about how they were against the war.
Mind you, I know some folks who have been EXTREMELY kind and supportive of both Carl and I and they don't agree with the war, but they also never felt inclined to give me a speech on their political standing either. Spewing that kind of crap on someone who is in pain because of the situation is simply uncalled for. My time God willing, is done and over as the wife of a deployed soldier, but I am hoping that this will make people think before they speak, even if their intent is good. Think about what they say and maybe say it in a more tactful way.
posted by
bel_1965
on October 15, 2006 at 8:24 PM
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Damn Bel - I swear I can not believe that
People actually say some of these things....it's too bad murder is illegal in Michigan.
posted by
Passionflower
on October 15, 2006 at 8:18 PM
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LOL Naut
Even if I am Carl's, I am still very flattered, thanks!
posted by
bel_1965
on October 15, 2006 at 7:51 PM
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bel
I love your answers to all those stupid questions and comments! You're a woman after my own heart, even if you're Carl's!
posted by
Nautikos
on October 15, 2006 at 7:49 PM
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Moxie
Excellent point!
posted by
bel_1965
on October 15, 2006 at 6:53 PM
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Dear Bel_1965,
Class is not bred or inherited. Breeding is something pedigree owners do. Manners and common courtesy is innate behaviour. Even if there is no one to teach it to you, a person just knows. How much a person cares is a completely different issue.
posted by
Moxie_Maven
on October 15, 2006 at 6:46 PM
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Frankly
I have to admit that same thought often ran through my mind.
posted by
bel_1965
on October 15, 2006 at 6:36 PM
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Moxie
It goes with the territory but it does get annoying sometimes.
posted by
bel_1965
on October 15, 2006 at 6:36 PM
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Taps
That is just the short list. I do realize that some were geninely trying to be kind, but it got tough hearing the same very silly questions over and over again. The questions had pretty obvious answers and yet people asked them again and again.
posted by
bel_1965
on October 15, 2006 at 6:35 PM
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Blanche
No even wolves have better manners!
posted by
bel_1965
on October 15, 2006 at 6:33 PM
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self absorbed morons
...nothing else to add to that...
posted by
FranklyMydear1
on October 15, 2006 at 6:30 PM
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Sounds as though these are the typical
Stepford Wifey type with their heads in the sand asking such ridiculous questions. Very sorry you have to put up with the crap.
posted by
Moxie_Maven
on October 15, 2006 at 6:19 PM
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Good grief, Bel. Don't people think before they open their mouths?
posted by
TAPS.
on October 15, 2006 at 6:14 PM
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I don't think they had a mother, Bel, maybe raised by wolves?
posted by
Blanche.
on October 15, 2006 at 5:54 PM
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Blanche
The kindness of others is often one of the greatest gifts in life, I genuinely believe that.
As for the newspaper person...I wonder if their mother follows them around at home to clean up after them. That is simply bad manners!
posted by
bel_1965
on October 15, 2006 at 5:44 PM
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I hate "snide" Bel, and I don't do "snide" unless someone else is flipping
me attitude, then I can get in their face, PDQ. Like today, someone left the communal newspaper, the New York Times and the Sunday Seattle Times on the floor, next to a chair, very carelessly and thoughtlessly, then got up and walked away.
I went over and picked it up and made sure that others knew that it was not okay to treat the communal paper, like that, hoard it and force others to rummage on the floor, instead of on the main table where it belongs. It seems that no one wants to step up and take care of things, but it is the little things, the little civilities that get us through the day that help us carry on.
That's my screen name used to be "Blanche DuBois", because "Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kndness of strangers" and the main kindness is to first "do no harm". Mean people suck, Bel.
posted by
Blanche.
on October 15, 2006 at 5:40 PM
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Blanche
Thank you, I wish the same. Granted I talk about it a great deal here but in general I go through my life like everyone else. Unless the person knows me they do not know how I spent last year. But if I so much as walk out of the house in the Army windbreaker someone has to make some kind of snide comment. It came to a point I put it away and bought a different jacket because I didn't want the confrontation from total strangers.
posted by
bel_1965
on October 15, 2006 at 5:05 PM
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Bel, I wish people would stop, put themselves in your shoes, and shut up.
posted by
Blanche.
on October 15, 2006 at 4:38 PM
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bel, in this case, I don't blame you! LOL
posted by
shelly_b
on October 15, 2006 at 3:20 PM
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Babe
That would be the only way. It's amazing what people will say standing in a grocery store line without ever considering who's wife, children or other loved ones might be standing there.
posted by
bel_1965
on October 15, 2006 at 3:20 PM
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LOL Shelly
Did I mention I get a bit tempermental sometimes?
posted by
bel_1965
on October 15, 2006 at 3:18 PM
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Nite
I imagine you get a heck of a lot more than I got. I at least had the option of going home, shutting the door and making the world go away.
posted by
bel_1965
on October 15, 2006 at 3:18 PM
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I guess if someone wants to get away from dumb comments and questions, you would have to become a hermit.
posted by
babe_rocks
on October 15, 2006 at 1:51 PM
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People do ask dumb questions, don't they? You tell 'em, bel!!
posted by
shelly_b
on October 15, 2006 at 11:32 AM
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wow don't I know it
I get this all the time. And since my husband is in the army but we live in a air force base I get it a lot from them to. Because a lot of there husbands only go for 3 months while mine stayed over a year. It gets tiring.
posted by
Nitewriter
on October 15, 2006 at 11:24 AM
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