Go to I WRITE, THEREFORE I AM
- Add a comment
- Go to "You shouldn't date him. He'll kill you!!!"
Offbeats--
I agree with you about small town mentalities, but think it's also the "legend" aspect that keeps this news alive.
posted by
Julia.
on September 13, 2006 at 12:06 PM
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thanks Fourcats!
posted by
Julia.
on September 13, 2006 at 12:05 PM
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Talion--
it is ridiculous, but it's like a local legend....and legends never die!!
posted by
Julia.
on September 13, 2006 at 12:04 PM
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avant--
yes absolutely, that sort of goes along with what I wrote in my previous post. One thing must occur for the other to follow. thanks for commenting!
posted by
Julia.
on September 13, 2006 at 12:03 PM
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Julia
Sometimes, it takes a tarnishing to give inspiration to correct it. I remember a friend of mine who was involved in a wreck of two ambulances. The reports were doctored and their names were mud for a year. He resolved himself to change how he was viewing himself, and poured everything he had into winning a paramedic competition. He did win.
A psychic told him before all of this occurred that 'something bad' was going to happen to him; but, the 'bad' was necessary for the 'good' to take place. I think he would have never had such determination and resolve, were it not to have happened.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 13, 2006 at 11:32 AM
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Julia.
It's ridiculous this would be such a hot topic after 30 years. One thing is for certain. Memories fade. It may take longer in a small town, but no doubt, they do. Your nephews are examples of it.
posted by
Talion
on September 13, 2006 at 10:01 AM
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Anna--
thanks for a beautiful comment!
posted by
Julia.
on September 13, 2006 at 9:39 AM
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strat--
very good points, sometimes life seems made up of these inexplicable moments. It is going to be okay!! thanks.
posted by
Julia.
on September 13, 2006 at 9:38 AM
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lion--
I agree, some people do think it uplifts them to put others down. In reality it is just the opposite!
posted by
Julia.
on September 13, 2006 at 9:36 AM
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Dotty Dave--
um...what??? I think that whooshing sound is your comment going right over my head...perhaps more coffee is in order??
posted by
Julia.
on September 13, 2006 at 9:35 AM
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bhaskar--
it's certainly possible that it is more in my mind than in other people's minds here...
posted by
Julia.
on September 13, 2006 at 9:34 AM
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drivers! start your engines! - glad you're discovering new identities for
a troublesome image.
posted by
fourcats
on September 13, 2006 at 9:10 AM
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Julia
That is wonderful news. People in small towns have small town mentalitys and your nephews sound like they have risen above that!!
posted by
Offy
on September 13, 2006 at 8:59 AM
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People can be so cruel. Noone is perfect. We all made mistakes. Your brother made a mistake. He's not going to make it again and people should let the past be the past. You're a beautiful person and when true love comes along it will NEVER discriminate.
posted by
SincerityAnna
on September 13, 2006 at 8:57 AM
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You're right, the ignoramuses of the world will occasionally throw a brick.
But it sounds like the old adage about time and old wounds is working yet again. Sure, someone will bring it up just to be an assaht, but most people probably realize that no one sets out to become the sibling of a murderer, nor did the parents set out to raise one. It just something, essentially inexplicable, that happened.
It's easy for someone like me to say, "Don't sweat it," but I'm not you, and can't imnagine that situation. Nonetheless, it sounds like things are pretty okay. Hope so, anyway!
posted by
strat
on September 13, 2006 at 7:32 AM
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People will always find something in bringing you down if they can, for some reason it seems to make their own lifes feel better, mostly because their insecure in themselfs I've found. Mike
posted by
lionladroar
on September 13, 2006 at 7:05 AM
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Julia, the answer is your very search for the answer, I'd say.
posted by
_dave_says_ack_
on September 13, 2006 at 2:20 AM
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Julia
Names do stick, but perhaps we give it too much of a bother at times. Probably it is not even in their minds, but we are sometimes upset about being revealed, our identitities disclosed, that we suffer.
posted by
Bhaskar.ing
on September 13, 2006 at 1:27 AM
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Whacky--
It is nice, and great to be able to see them enjoy their success.
posted by
Julia.
on September 12, 2006 at 10:33 PM
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cee--
it's really to be expected in a town of this size, that some events will never be forgotten.
posted by
Julia.
on September 12, 2006 at 10:31 PM
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thanks Katray, nice to see you here!
posted by
Julia.
on September 12, 2006 at 10:29 PM
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A of A-and-B--
glamorous career? LOL--no, it's an expensive and time-consuming hobby, but they do enjoy it!
posted by
Julia.
on September 12, 2006 at 10:29 PM
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shelly, yes I think they are. thanks for reading.
posted by
Julia.
on September 12, 2006 at 10:28 PM
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That's great they are bringing honor back to the family name!
posted by
Whacky
on September 12, 2006 at 8:18 PM
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Julia.
That was a very good post and heartening to hear that your nephews are forging ahead with new reputations for the old family name. Small towns and small minds go together.
Cee
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on September 12, 2006 at 7:03 PM
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Very uplifting and touching post Julia
posted by
Katray2
on September 12, 2006 at 6:53 PM
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I'm happy to read about the glamorous careers of your nephews. I think the present or younger generations will not know so much about the past to recall associations from a particular surname.
(A)
posted by
A-and-B
on September 12, 2006 at 6:50 PM
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It looks like your nephews are doing well!
posted by
shelly_b
on September 12, 2006 at 5:42 PM
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OMG, now I get it, Julia, me and my dyslexic fingers, lol
posted by
Blanche.
on September 12, 2006 at 5:02 PM
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blanche--
I was only laughing because of the typo. Well, that and, I
have been back for quite a while, LOL.
posted by
Julia.
on September 12, 2006 at 5:01 PM
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sunny--
I know that it has affected them in the past, when they were in high school. One day I hope to sit down with them and discuss it, if they are willing.
posted by
Julia.
on September 12, 2006 at 4:59 PM
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Julia, was that the wrong word? You've been away for a while.
posted by
Blanche.
on September 12, 2006 at 4:59 PM
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blanche--"cemeback"??
LOL. Thank you!
posted by
Julia.
on September 12, 2006 at 4:58 PM
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thanks frankenkitty--
like I said, the world is full of ignoramuses, and that woman is proof!!
posted by
Julia.
on September 12, 2006 at 4:57 PM
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YPunday--thanks!
posted by
Julia.
on September 12, 2006 at 4:56 PM
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rumored--
I wouldn't say it is fast fading, it's been 30 years and hasn't faded away yet, but that it can now be associated with good, is nice.
posted by
Julia.
on September 12, 2006 at 4:55 PM
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I imagine that would be hard to live with, day to day.
At least it doesn't seem to be affecting your nephews.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on September 12, 2006 at 4:47 PM
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Julia, Congratulations on a spectacular cemeback
Your blog is proof that quality can trump fluff.
posted by
Blanche.
on September 12, 2006 at 4:45 PM
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Julia., I know what you mean.
That's wonderful for your nephews. Some people always have something to say about everyone. One of my neighbors doesn't like me because my husband's ex-girlfriend fooled around with her husband. So, she doesn't like me, like I was there cheering them on or something. I didn't know my husband, my neighbor, or my husband's ex when it happened. It was like 15 years ago, get over it! I guess she assumes my husband attracts lecherous women or something, but that's so unfair and irrational. Anyway, I'm happy for your nephews
posted by
Flumpystalls3000
on September 12, 2006 at 4:43 PM
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America gives that still- 2nd chances.To remake oneself--Th Paine, Franklin
--even the former slaves and slaveowners & their descendants. Shalom--- YOU ARE SWEET & GOOD. Jesus not only told me, He showed me.
posted by
ILLUMINATI8
on September 12, 2006 at 4:37 PM
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Thank you Alf!!
posted by
Julia.
on September 12, 2006 at 4:05 PM
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Julia, people are associating you nephews name with victory, and if
there is any thought at all to the past, its fast fading...congrats to your nephews, by the way.
.
....
posted by
Rumor
on September 12, 2006 at 2:40 PM
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That is a happy thing...
I'm glad for you, and your family.
posted by
A_Norseman
on September 12, 2006 at 2:01 PM
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Tanga--
I'm not sure time heals the wounds, I think we just settle into the pain, and it lessens the severity
posted by
Julia.
on September 12, 2006 at 1:43 PM
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Dotty Dave--
yes, often I wonder if I haven't built it up in my head, so that it is bigger than it actually is. I'm not sure what the answer is, but I will probably find it sooner or later.
posted by
Julia.
on September 12, 2006 at 1:41 PM
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cosy--
thanks, I appreciate your comment, and YOU!
posted by
Julia.
on September 12, 2006 at 1:40 PM
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Wow! What a story!
Time seems to heal all wounds, but we will always get those blinded people amongst us. Like I heard on BBC world radio today about Australians killing stingrays after Steve Irwins death. I am sure that is not what he wanted!! But ignoramuses wander around all the time!
posted by
Tanga
on September 12, 2006 at 1:39 PM
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Julia, yes it is what it is. But perhaps with you going back there, it's
more what it is for you more than it is for others now. So it's still going to hurt, but perhaps as you begin to recognize that it's not as prevalent elsewhere in the community, the hurt will lessen. I don't believe such things ever leave a person completely, but with your return maybe your fears of what might be are now being confounded by what actually is.
I hope that all makes sense.
posted by
_dave_says_ack_
on September 12, 2006 at 1:27 PM
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Julia
curiosity kills the cat...but if any one was to
judge me for the mistakes
I've committed in my past...then where would I be??? Julia I'm very happy to see your family's
successes...and that's all that matters. and by the way, you are few and far in-between, thank you for caring from the bottom of my heart. The majority just shy away from pages like this...thank you for not shying away and for being honest. Many Hugs
and don't worry, I am also at loss of words...
posted by
cosy
on September 12, 2006 at 12:17 PM
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lady--
I don't mind your curiosity, that is quite natural. I wouldn't be writing about it publicly if I weren't ready to deal with curiosity. thanks for your visit.
posted by
Julia.
on September 12, 2006 at 11:47 AM
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cringe--
"small communities never forget"--this is so true. Had this happened to our family in a large city, the experience would be totally different.
posted by
Julia.
on September 12, 2006 at 11:45 AM
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troosha--
yes it really is a wonderful and welcome change.
posted by
Julia.
on September 12, 2006 at 11:44 AM
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blanche--
Though it is somewhat uncomfortable, I do think that coming back here to live was a necessary next step in dealing with this.
posted by
Julia.
on September 12, 2006 at 11:43 AM
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i have to admit
now you have my curiousity flowing - but i will never ask. be proud of who you and your family are. i have two sisters by the same parents are there are no similarities. people are just idiots and that is why i have no friends
posted by
ladychardonnay
on September 12, 2006 at 10:57 AM
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Indirect redemption, and don't worry about it too much, I know
about the whole guilt by association thing, you can't help having inhabited the same womb, what you can is who you are.
Murder, it's sad that it came to defining your family name for a bit because of your brother, small communities never forget.
Luckily that hasn't occurred in our extended family, but practically everything else has. So I'm often reluctant to explain who I am at family get togethers such as weddings or funerals, my mother's side are labelled quite unbalanced, and regrettably they continue to be.
posted by
Cringe
on September 12, 2006 at 10:33 AM
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It would seem that your nephews are dispelling the negative legacy and creating a new one. How wonderful that the name can now be said (and heard) in celebration!
posted by
Troosha
on September 12, 2006 at 10:14 AM
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Julia,
I've been very self-conscious about things that have happened in the past, assuming that was the first thing that anyone who knew me would think about. But even though some have long memories, others don't and some are more sophisticated in their worldview than others, allowing for shades of grey.
I like Viktor Frankl's book "Man's Search For Meaning" where he not only was a Nazi concentration camp survivor, but he became a psychiatrist and counseled other survivors. His view was that meaning was found in doing the one thing that life required of his patient, the one thing they survived all that for.
I can only paraphrase, but it's something like "It doesn't matter what you expect from life, it's what life expects from you that matters". Maybe going back and dealing with this is that one thing. Who knows.
posted by
Blanche.
on September 12, 2006 at 10:13 AM
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Dave--
it's just nice to have something positive associated with our name for once...it's still disconcerting for me to hear them announce it over and over (because I've always tried to hide it), and I wonder if I am the only one who feels this way. But it is what it is, right?
posted by
Julia.
on September 12, 2006 at 9:53 AM
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Ariala and Afzal--
thank you for stopping by this morning!!
posted by
Julia.
on September 12, 2006 at 9:51 AM
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Artifact--
thanks for your kind and complimentary words. I am very proud of them, and working on finding that for myself...
posted by
Julia.
on September 12, 2006 at 9:49 AM
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Time is healing, Julia. Your nephews are fading in over the fade-out.
posted by
_dave_says_ack_
on September 12, 2006 at 9:39 AM
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nice post .
posted by
afzal50
on September 12, 2006 at 9:30 AM
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posted by
Ariala
on September 12, 2006 at 9:25 AM
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How wonderful about their success, Julia!
If they are anything like you, you have a right to be proud of them! I admire all that you have overcome.
posted by
Artifact
on September 12, 2006 at 9:22 AM
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