Go to I Make Noises Only Other Freaks Can Hear
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Thor_Jasmine
Thank you so specially much for your most thoughtful and helpful comment. Boy! Everybody is being so nice and helpful...! And I claim to be a misanthrope! Well at least in my darker hours...
I really love the analogy you made for me. It really is my favorite way when trying to understand stuff that can be overwhelming.
I think that I am nervous about finding out just how batty I truly am. Cause I believe once I can escape this torturous mind set, I'll look back on these days with amazement at my delusion. I've GOT to be very deluded. Things cannot be this bad!
Thanks again Thor_Jasmine! You're a Pal to the 7th power! 
posted by
mysteria
on August 28, 2006 at 1:51 PM
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True words i would say
my life also contained every form of abuse etc. I have only just started putting the nightmares & flashbacks behind me and bury those memories when the worst person in my life (My bio-logical father) died last yr in may that was my stepping stone of cremating him his cruelty and as much baggage memory i cld to lay it to rest and move on
there r always times the pop up from nowhere but as i gain strength they weaken in reducing me to breaking point. So i figure the stronger i become eventually i will win and they will be gone and hopefully one day nothing more than a vague distant recollection with no more mental torment attached.
Good luck to you xxxx
now the only one abusing you is you. You are the one who is subjecting yourself to recurring, unending torture.”
posted by
M.C.BREEZE
on August 28, 2006 at 12:05 PM
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Post-traumatic Stress and everyday life
Mysteria,
Bad things that happen in our past have a hold on us for several reasons. First, they are embedded in memory stored at the age when they happened, and they cannot simply be countered logically using our present-age brain. Second, these horrible experiences are insults (as in head traumas) our psyche or more scientifically, our brain experiences, and just like having several accidents that dramatically jar our brains around cause scarring on the brain, these experiences scar us by undermining our attachment to those who are charged with caring for us. Attachment is our emotional foundation. Imagine that these traumas are like someone putting a stick of dynamite to that foundation as the house is being built. The cracks, the damage, they are both immediate and long-term. As you grow the house of yourself is stressed constantly by this damage, the cracks transfer to other relationships, other interactions, and situations.
THe good news is that the damage can be repaired, but it's hard work to jack up a damaged foundation and fix it, and the fix is not going to get rid of the incident that created teh damage. Memory is stubborn that way. Repair is a process of redefining who you were when it happend, beginning with IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. (See Good Will Hunting for a great portrayal of what that looks like with a therapist's help). i could go on, but I've taken up too much space already. Good luck!!!
Oh, and this is only partly a shameless advertisement for my posts, I do have space for talking more about the issue in my parenting posts.
posted by
Thor_Jasmine
on August 28, 2006 at 11:57 AM
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Passionflower Thank You For Being You!
Hi Pash... <sigh> I really want to get over this! It is so hard... :( I try to talk about it to let it all out and i start becoming physically ill in many disturbing ways. I am tired of the pains.
I will write the nice things on my mirror and say them out loud.
How come healing from all this stuff feels so embarassing? I am really embarassed to be a person. I would be embarassed if anyone saw my affirmations or heard me saying them.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! It is so much easier just to clam up and be a recluse... I know that is bad for me, but I get so tired passsh.
posted by
mysteria
on August 28, 2006 at 10:30 AM
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PS-Renigade had a childhood similar to yours...
She's a very happy wife and mother now. She refused to allow the ugliness of her past to determine her future.
Those people that hurt you so much took away your childhood. But don't let them take the rest of your life as well.
posted by
Passionflower
on August 28, 2006 at 10:15 AM
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I think this person was simply trying to show you
What's going on in your life from a different standpoint.
It is essentially true, what the person said though. No one is going to hurt you anymore. No one is EVER going to abuse you anymore. You are a prisoner of all those horrible memories though. You can't seem to let them go and walk away from the pain and torture.
I want to keep reminding you that your own words can have a dramatic affect over your tomorrows. Please try those positive affirmations I keep sending to you. Say them out loud every single day as many times as possible.
This WILL work. It's worked for me and many others. But you must speak the words over your life each day:
- God loves me and has a good plan for my life
- I'm a strong, healthy woman
- Today, I am thankful for....(and then list several things)
- Today is the best day of my life.
- I'm a winner. Everything I set my hand to do is blessed and prospers.
- Today I will focus on JOY.
- My life is full of love, joy and peace.
Dana, you must shift your focus OFF those nightmares of the past and put it on something else. You have to do that on purpose. It won't just happen. You're an adult now and you can take control of your destiny.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life thinking about your horrible childhood? Or do you want to create a new, better, happy life for yourself?
You can create the life you want by your thoughts and your words. Don't allow your mind to go to those ugly thoughts anymore. Force it to dwell on love, joy, peace, blessing.
posted by
Passionflower
on August 28, 2006 at 10:12 AM
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DepTLC
Thank you for your comment and the book and program recommendations. I really am at a quandray sometimes as to what to do with my banana brain! I want to learn. Thanks for helping : )
posted by
mysteria
on August 28, 2006 at 10:09 AM
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Your still living life as the victim
When you were a child you were truly powerless. You are an adult now and have a lot more control. Before being a victim was chosen for you. Now you shoose it for yourself. I am reading a great book called "Bad Childhood Good Life" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. It is a hard read becaiuse it really makes you look at your life and take responsibility instead of laying blame. She also has a radio program you can listen online at drlaura.com. Good luck.
posted by
DepTLC
on August 28, 2006 at 10:06 AM
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