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LostinLife...
She's a lucky women to have you...you've hung in there and loved her in inspite of all she does to drive you mad!
posted by
Cindy7
on August 18, 2006 at 11:58 AM
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Now, being hard on yourself won't help either....
I'm positive he's not relieved you are gone, that is the last thing you need to believe.... I would die if my girlfriend were gone for good, even though she does run me through the ringer! I want her to stay right where she is, no matter how spoiled and bratty she is..
posted by
SomeoneElse
on August 18, 2006 at 11:15 AM
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oops...I mean LostinLife's girlfriend
posted by
Cindy7
on August 18, 2006 at 10:51 AM
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Thanks for the comments and suggestions. I think for now what I need to do is some serious soul searching. I need to focus on myself and the changes I can make in myself to make this marriage work. I realized today that I have been doing the very thing I am accusing my husband of...pointing the finger. It's obviously not all him. And, I behave very much like LostinLoves's girlfriend a lot of the time. So, he's likely relieved I'm gone...which is what hurts the most. So, I guess I have some self work to do.
posted by
Cindy7
on August 18, 2006 at 10:50 AM
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Well, wow.
I think dark has it right, you can't back down unless you feel you need to and I like the idea of making him breakfast in bed, you could do something to help if you feel you are being a hindrance, they may not want you to leave and I'm sure they love having the kid around, unless he's something like my girl's boy.. That was a joke...
Anyway, I have been there but my divorce ( which I don't wish that for you ) but my divorce was fairly easy, it got ugly a few times and drug out for what seemed like forever, but I ended up with the house and I am very grateful that I didn't have to sell it, but , I know I'm not giving you any good advice and I'm sorry, I just wish the best for you and I hope it works out. I'm not a very good believer of counsiling myself so I can understand that perspective but maybe you guys can forget that and find something that works for the both of you. And I was also always against someone else getting in between me and my wife and convincing her to do what they think when it is your business alone. So I guess that is one man's perspective, I hope you don't hate me.... But if you want it to work there is some where that you guys can meet, maybe not completely on your terms or his but half-way..
posted by
SomeoneElse
on August 18, 2006 at 9:09 AM
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Make your dad breakfast in bed...
Your being there can reduce stress as well...at least even out in the end, right?
One thing for sure...no backing down or renegotiating. He goes to counseling or he moves out. Do not move back in with him if he won't at least show up for counseling. If you do, he wins ... nothing ever changes. Getting him to move out is a posiblity. My sister managed that one somehow with her husband and he did shape up (after a couple months at HIS parent's house). I think she had the help of a counselor to back her up on it being the best plan for the marriage. Maybe your pastor could help a little there?
By the way, good job on the diet. Remember all that hiking is probably building muscle and will burn more fat in the following weeks...even if the weight doesn't go down right away.
posted by
DarrkeThoughts
on August 18, 2006 at 8:18 AM
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