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muser,
going back to your gracious comment, I thought I'd answer (the at least implied) question as to why my mind is drawn back to the moment of the accident. I don't think it is in search of a 'why', which is ultimately unanswerable, but at best in search of the 'how'. But I know of course that even that answer is not really forthcoming. I think the real reason is quite simply that being hit by a truck makes rather a deep impression on us, not just on the body, but also on the mind, resulting in some slightly compulsive thought processes...
posted by
Nautikos
on August 20, 2006 at 7:55 AM
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colbor1
Thanks for visiting! I'll rise again, soon...
posted by
Nautikos
on August 19, 2006 at 2:04 PM
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Tanga,
thanks for the 'thumbs up'! In a few weeks I hope to be able to do that again myself, after my surgery...
posted by
Nautikos
on August 19, 2006 at 2:01 PM
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muser,
I really appreciate your comments, good wishes and prayers! And I am working hard on my attitude...
posted by
Nautikos
on August 19, 2006 at 2:00 PM
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Blanche,
thanks for reminding me! Yes, I read Frankel's book years ago, but I'm going to look at it again!
posted by
Nautikos
on August 19, 2006 at 1:56 PM
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Hang in there!
posted by
colbor1
on August 19, 2006 at 4:14 AM
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Wishing you a successful recovery
posted by
Tanga
on August 18, 2006 at 11:10 PM
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Nautikos, you will feed apples to the horses again...because you have
decided you will. It is important, Naut, that you give yourself a lot of TLC! I admire your resolve...your stength. I hope you will take time each day to envision yourself strong again; visualization is a powerful healing tool...both physically, mentally, emotionally...
I know how difficult it is when the body does not respond like it is suppposed to...like it used to... and when it doesn't respond at all. I understand your irritability, and your restlessness, your tiredness. I have learned that attitude is everything...my worst days with the Parkinson's are the days I fight it...I will never passively accept it...but the days I am angry, frustrated, sorry for myself...my stress level goes up, my positive attitude crumbles, and I am left to spend the day with someone I don't like...not even a little bit!
It sounds to me as if your intellect keeps going back to the "scene of the crime" to search for clues...to replay "your" accident...to look for any small piece of understanding as to WHY...I don't know. I don't know the answers to my own whys, so...I have learned to love the questions.
Here is my secret weapon...for what it's worth...
STEP ONE
The Serenity Prayer Path
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
STEP TWO
Deep breathing always helps me...close your eyes, inhale deeply for 7 seconds(one thousand one, one thousand two, etc,)hold for four seconds, exhale steadily, slowly for eight seconds...repeat until you..."wake up"...you will drift...
you are in my thoughts and prayers...
posted by
muser
on August 17, 2006 at 6:27 AM
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Rage is a common side effect of PTSD, too, Nautikos,
I don't fully understand it, but I've read about it. I'm re-reading Viktor Frankel's book "Man's Search For Meaning". You probably know it, it's his book about his experiences in Auschwitz and other Nazi camps. He survived and went on to found Logotherapy. I figure anyone who can take anything positive out of that situation probably has more insights than your usual self-help guru. Anyway, I hope you find some other outlet for your exercise.
posted by
Blanche.
on August 16, 2006 at 8:08 PM
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Blanche,
thanks for dropping in again!
You know, the worst thing is that the whole rythm of my life has been disrupted. I work out of my house, (although come September I will be teaching again as well, if my condition permits), but for the rest of August I had various plans, which included of course workouts and lengthy bicycle rides. This summer, with the exception of my trip East, I never did less than 100 miles a week, and often more. For me, to work out, to ride my bicycle, these things are essential for my sanity, just as running used to be. And I am serious
And though I am trying to make the best of the situation, and try and glean something positive from it, and I am in a way, I am sometimes overcome by rage!
posted by
Nautikos
on August 16, 2006 at 8:04 PM
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Nautikos, it sounds like you may have a touch of PTSD, the flashbacks,
irritability and sensitivity to noise or stress our common to people who've been in a traumatic situation. So, take it easy on yourself, get much rest, and it's good that you don't have animosity towards the driver. After all, you've gained some mindfulness of your own movements, learning to have to walk again, almost. The next thing you know, you'll be dancing the tango, as part of your rehabiliation. Pain is no fun, but there's always something positive in even the least amusing situations.
(I loved your description of the Ontario summer).
posted by
Blanche.
on August 16, 2006 at 7:23 PM
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Cringe,
thanks for dropping in and for your good wishes.
And I agree with you that taking a small child out on the streets, even when they are quiet, might be a bit risky. A park would be a lot better!
And yes, I do have my wife here to assist me; but then I'm not accustomed to need assistance with anything, ever. It's a novel and disturbing experience for me. And I've got several books going, though I find it hard to concentrate...
posted by
Nautikos
on August 16, 2006 at 4:13 PM
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Naut, sorry to hear about your circumstances.
Have you got someone helping you out?
It's funny, as I was recently complaining (my greatest talent) that I'd like to get more active. I live in a beautiful place with loads of overgrown, narrow, grass-striped roads. However, there are so many people who misuse the advantage of driving along a quiet road by using excessive speed, that it's deterred me from taking myself and Rowan out and about for fear of ending up in some sort of accident. I am investigating other free possibilities of getting some exercise other than breathlessly flapping around my small living room throwing ill-timed shapes to a workout DVD. I've stopped this because I've been walked in on twice and generated more laughs than the comedy hour.
Hope you get around to feeling less frustrated, plenty of good books and a bonus membership at your nearest DVD rental I reckon.
posted by
Cringe
on August 16, 2006 at 1:57 PM
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Wiley,
thanks, I'd love to see your spread! I may take you up on your offer, once I've got everything under control...
posted by
Nautikos
on August 16, 2006 at 6:43 AM
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Justi,
thanks for your prayers. And I checked out the post with the squirrelly photographer - very cute!
posted by
Nautikos
on August 16, 2006 at 6:38 AM
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Passionflower,
from the days of my childhood, where I was often close to them, I have loved horses...
posted by
Nautikos
on August 16, 2006 at 6:36 AM
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Thanks, bel,
...actually, it's others who are doing the 'pushing',
, but I'll be okay in the end!
posted by
Nautikos
on August 16, 2006 at 6:32 AM
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Naut
I am really sorry to hear of your situation my friend. I have a bad right leg but it's been like that since I was 12 or so, but I still made it in the military and stuff. It's only as I gae that the foot is harder to deal with.
Take it easy my friend, and if you'd like an escape for a weekend, c'mon north hoss and bring your lady if you'd like. It's countrified here anyway my friend.
posted by
WileyJohn
on August 15, 2006 at 8:57 PM
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Naut
I was just catching up and just now found out you were hit by a truck. I am so sorry. I did you and Jane a Squirrel post. I didn't know you were all in pain and such so this is my little bouquet to you. I will say prayers and hope you're all better really soon.
posted by
Justi
on August 15, 2006 at 7:59 PM
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Horses are cool...good story.
posted by
Passionflower
on August 15, 2006 at 2:53 PM
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Sounds like you have had a rough go of it.
Don't push yourself too hard.
posted by
bel_1965
on August 15, 2006 at 10:55 AM
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