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food4thought, Nice!
posted by
kingmi
on August 20, 2006 at 1:30 AM
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very heart wrenching but very lovingly written x
posted by
M.C.BREEZE
on August 15, 2006 at 8:51 AM
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Saul...
I debated about that last line. I think it would work better further up, after the line about the wife. Thanks for reading and the suggestion. The odd thing about this poem is I was going for a simile between falling and going through life, but somewhere something clicked and I couldn't get the idea of the people who jumped out of my mind. It's not easy to talk about, but I think we should.
posted by
food4thought
on August 14, 2006 at 10:04 PM
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Good imagery, food4thought. However, if I may suggest, and don't take this
as adverse criticism (because the poem is really well done), the final line detracts from the poem and confuses. The previous line is far stronger for an ending line. Just a suggestion...
posted by
saul_relative
on August 14, 2006 at 9:41 PM
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Powerfully haunting Food...
Wow!
posted by
Katray2
on August 13, 2006 at 2:03 AM
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