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Blanche
Do you fold T-shirts Martha's way???
posted by
bel_1965
on August 5, 2006 at 5:40 AM
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Blonde
You don't have to have children to have a good head on your shoulders about what is right and wrong for them. Pam is a damn good kid but she is also 12 years old with a poor sense of responsibility. I would much prefer to let her go to her friends house tonight, but in the end I think it's a bad lesson for her. So, tonight mom suffers.
posted by
bel_1965
on August 5, 2006 at 5:39 AM
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LOL Avant
Dr. Phil let some idiot woman get away with the phrase "I trust him, I just don't trust the women around him." But I do have a to agree with him here. Of course at this point she is mad as hell at me, but I expect in the future she will make a point of doing her chores.
Nope time out except from her social life does not work with her.
posted by
bel_1965
on August 5, 2006 at 5:37 AM
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bel
I've always heard Dr. Phil say that taking away her privileges as a consequence of not doing her part works wonderfully with teens. It could be something as small as going to the store or as large as taking away her tv. Time out obviously has no effect on her, as it would be my choice on my own kids, who are 4 and under.
posted by
avant-garde
on August 5, 2006 at 3:35 AM
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Bel
Sounds like one of those "tough love" calls.
I had it way tough growing up......you know the story, I was doing dishes before I could read standing on the stool type of thing, while that is a little extreme......
Pam is a teenager now and needs to get use to more responsibilities and consequences for not being responsible for her share of the chores.
In my opinion, it is best for her to learn hard lessons now than later on in life when they are a lot more tough. At least you are there to genuinely love her and support her. I can see that discipline is truly the toughest part of raising kids, but the most important when preparing them for the real world.
I'm just a single woman....no kids......so what do I know?.....just my take on things.
posted by
BlondeAmbition007
on August 5, 2006 at 1:47 AM
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Bel, I agree, her attitude would make me less inclined to cut her slack,
woops, I'm being drafted into folding tshirts.
posted by
Blanche.
on August 4, 2006 at 9:24 PM
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Bel...I don't remember how old you said she was
but she's a teenager isn't she? You can pretty much expect this, especially if it's "around that time", ya know.
Either way, it won't do any good to get yourself worked up over this. And like you said in a comment earlier, you could punish yourself a little less tommorow night, if you let her stay at the friends house. LOL.
I hope you figure out something that will work for all of you, and you may have peace...even if for only moments at a time
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 4, 2006 at 9:23 PM
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Sunny
If she had not taken the attitude of "not my job" with her dad I would let it go. But she was more than a little rude with Carl when he asked her to pick up a shirt that had been dropped. When I told her that was the wrong attitude to have her response was "My job today are the dishes not the laundry."
posted by
bel_1965
on August 4, 2006 at 9:10 PM
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O.K,... then maybe you should go ahead with 'no overnight with her friends'. I'm sure this all is frustrating for you, and that you'll find something that works. When you do, you'll know it was the best thing for her... that you stuck with it.
posted by
reasons
on August 4, 2006 at 9:09 PM
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LOL Blanche
Carl does any ironing that needs to be done around here. He has that military perfectionist when it comes to the lines. My attitude of "the wrinkles are out; it's good." drives him over the edge.
posted by
bel_1965
on August 4, 2006 at 9:08 PM
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Bel
Well if this is still a new thing. Maybe give her some slack this time. But let her know tommorow in a calm manner. Give her the benefit of the doubt, that she just forgot? Are there other chores maybe you could assign permanently? That they may like better or something? It will still take some of the burden off of you to do it all.
I would tell her that you did her dishes, and maybe assign her one of your regular chores tommorow in addition to he regular ones before she goes to the friends house. That way she gets the point, and everyone still gets to be happy.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on August 4, 2006 at 9:06 PM
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Wiley
Can't do that this time. She is resisting doing her chores PERIOD. While it would be easier to just let it go, she is not learning that she has a part in the household as well.
posted by
bel_1965
on August 4, 2006 at 8:56 PM
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Flightpath
There was a point to NOT reminding her. She and I have been battling over her doing her chores. She knew full well that tonight was her night for dishes because she brought it up with the "not my job" conversation. James has been pretty good about doing his without being told, but Pam has been doing everything in her power to get out of doing hers PERIOD! If it was just a matter of schedule it would not be a huge deal, I'd have her make it up and be done but the attitude that was given I feel as if I need to make it clear that this is not how we function as a family.
posted by
bel_1965
on August 4, 2006 at 8:55 PM
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bel 1965
Sometimes luv, just 'letting go and letting God' will allow peace to settle everywhere.
Make it a gift for this time, and see what happens. At the very least, it will let you be free of that one extra burden.
Enjoy quietly doing the dishes and just thinking good thoughts to yourself about how loving you are being.
posted by
WileyJohn
on August 4, 2006 at 8:48 PM
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How about posting a schedule on the fridge; then if she 'forgets' - remind her - long before bedtime - soon after dinner - to check it out ??
posted by
reasons
on August 4, 2006 at 8:43 PM
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Showing up is half the battle, Bel,
this ridiculous man of mine is ironing his tshirts right now, because I draw the line at ironing those.
posted by
Blanche.
on August 4, 2006 at 8:42 PM
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Blanche
That is where I am leaning. Obviously, I am learning as I go!
posted by
bel_1965
on August 4, 2006 at 8:40 PM
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Bel, I have no experience with parenting, but logically it seems to me
to "make the punishment fit the crime", if she shirked her one job today, have her do tomorrow's dishes and maybe take on the job she refused to do today as well. Just a thought.
posted by
Blanche.
on August 4, 2006 at 8:39 PM
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Dnace
NO WAY!!! It's been a very, very long day and MOM needs some quiet. I refuse to punish myself LOL!
posted by
bel_1965
on August 4, 2006 at 8:37 PM
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I'd wake her up and let her know it's still her turn for the dishes...
posted by
Dnace
on August 4, 2006 at 8:34 PM
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