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Janes
I pray with both of my kids that I can make a positive difference for them. I KNOW they KNOW that I love them. I pray that will be the basis of a strong foundation for them. Thank you.
posted by
bel_1965
on July 23, 2006 at 10:28 AM
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Ahhh, bel. I've been skimming through a bunch of your posts
that I've missed over the past week (along with the posts from my other blogit friends), and had to stop and comment on this one. My mother lives 3000 miles away, and yet we are so connected/bonded/loving. I would wish the same for you. It sounds pretty impossible for you to experience, from what you've written, but perhaps you can work to make a difference in another child's life? So he or she won't have to experience what you have? I am sorry for this loss of connection, this grief.
posted by
JanesOpinion
on July 23, 2006 at 10:24 AM
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Manda
Thank you sweetie
posted by
bel_1965
on July 18, 2006 at 4:30 PM
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Bel,
posted by
Amanda__
on July 18, 2006 at 4:25 PM
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LOL Blanche
Sometime raising hell is a good thing! I can only imagine where your stress level is at this point.
posted by
bel_1965
on July 18, 2006 at 2:41 PM
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Bel, never mind, sorry to put that here
I'm going to go raise a little hell, that's what I do when I feel like this.
posted by
Blanche.
on July 18, 2006 at 2:37 PM
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Well my mother looooved Stacy Keach, so that just goes to show you!
We don't necessarily get what we want in that aspect, but counting your blessings elsewhere makes up for it a little.
posted by
Cringe
on July 18, 2006 at 2:36 PM
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Cringe
you are VERY lucky!!! We don't even want to have the crazy mother in law conversation!
posted by
bel_1965
on July 18, 2006 at 2:32 PM
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Blanche
Ummmmmm move and don't give her the new address? I don't know honey! thank you very much!
posted by
bel_1965
on July 18, 2006 at 2:31 PM
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And, BTW, you are so wonderful, Bel, you deserve all the love you get
here because you give it out tenfold.
posted by
Blanche.
on July 18, 2006 at 2:26 PM
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Bel, how do I do it? I may have to resort to alcohol,
I only do that for her visits, otherwise, I usually avoid it, but even Gideon jokes about us getting a bottle of wine.
posted by
Blanche.
on July 18, 2006 at 2:25 PM
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You're never too old to need one either.
I'm lucky in that my mother-in-law readdresses some of the balance.
Sending you a virtual hug.
posted by
Cringe
on July 18, 2006 at 2:22 PM
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Cringe
NO kidding!!!!
posted by
bel_1965
on July 18, 2006 at 2:22 PM
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Oh Bel, you and me both.
Wouldn't it be great if they did the Big Brother equivalent for mothers?
posted by
Cringe
on July 18, 2006 at 2:22 PM
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Fiona
I did that up good! Thank you!
posted by
bel_1965
on July 18, 2006 at 12:57 PM
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Rumored
I expect she was a wonderful woman...she raised one hell of a good son!
posted by
bel_1965
on July 18, 2006 at 12:56 PM
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Blanche
Between you and Passion I am going to be a blubbering mess again. I wish I had some good advice to offer in the situation with your mother. I don't know how you do it just get through this visit and maybe it's time to to call it the last one.
posted by
bel_1965
on July 18, 2006 at 12:56 PM
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bel..awhile back I posted about my mom having been gone for 25 yrs..
but the memories are sweet, and she would have had enough love for you, too.....that was the kind of person she was...hopefully I can share some of those memories in posts to come..
..
posted by
Rumor
on July 18, 2006 at 12:34 PM
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Just have a good cry and mope for a while
it's good for you once in a while.
posted by
fionajean
on July 18, 2006 at 11:57 AM
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Bel, I'm glad you know you're loved and appreciated
I'd like to add my own to your list: you're warm, real, down-to-earth and have a heart as big as Michigan, so what's not to love. It is a terrible tragedy that the woman who gave birth to you is so emotionally scarred herself that she is unable to recognize you and your sisters for the beautiful women you are.
In the animal kingdom, I wonder if any other animal does as bad a job at times of raising their offspring as humans. I think that's mainly because humans have developed the ability to lie to each other and to themselves, mostly called denial. The fact that your mother chose to stand by her (later) husband rather than her own flesh and blood children shows she has trouble telling the truth to herself.
I have moments like the ones who did last night. In fact, I was having one last night when I wote the poem that I did on the blog. My mother is alive and coming to visit, but she is as unreachable as the stars, somehow the sweetness between us is trapped or dead, and the toxic result only causes me immense pain when I see her, and still I can't quite let go.
Blogit is a great surrogate family, we have each other, and like I said, I'd like to add myself to the list of people here who think you are just terrific.
posted by
Blanche.
on July 18, 2006 at 10:56 AM
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Vickie
The love on this page is exactly why I could not stay away!
posted by
bel_1965
on July 18, 2006 at 10:32 AM
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Pat
Thanks to my mother I was estranged from my siblings for over 20 years. My sister is not overly interested in a relationship and I am working on establishing one with my brothers at this time.
posted by
bel_1965
on July 18, 2006 at 10:31 AM
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My mother died 32 years ago and I still cry for her from time to time.
It's a need we never outgrow I think, but I've been lucky to find women to fill that need for me sometimes and from the love I've seen on this page toward you I think you've found a great shoulder to cry on right here! Glad you're feeling better now. It never hurts to have a good cry now and then!
posted by
VickieJean
on July 18, 2006 at 8:01 AM
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Well, if your mom is un-huggable and distant,
how about a sister? My mother was abusive, untouchable, bright, articulate, and made us really look at the world. But you couldn't hug her any more than you could hug barbed wire. There are times when my sister and I can just look at each other and know what the other is thinking because we had to get each other through some long rainy days. And if there's no sister, you need to "adopt" one. It's not your fault your mother's not there -- look in your mirror and tell the person you see there what you want someone to say: it will be okay. You can handle it. Just for today, you can deal with anything.
posted by
Pat_B
on July 18, 2006 at 7:49 AM
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Sannhet
I would say I am pretty lucky! I had a bad moment last night, but it is past. What would I ever do without my blogit family?
posted by
bel_1965
on July 18, 2006 at 7:08 AM
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Passion
Darn it woman don't go making me cry again! I love you too!
posted by
bel_1965
on July 18, 2006 at 7:07 AM
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Bel -
You may not have a real mom in your life, but it appears you have many "virtual" moms, if these comments are any indication.
posted by
sannhet
on July 18, 2006 at 7:06 AM
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PS-I think I know you pretty well by now
And I love you unconditionally. It's something I learned from my own mother. She taught me how NOT to love people.
Her love was based upon whether you behaved the way she wanted you to or not. I knew as a child that this was wrong. So I started searching for a better way to love people and found that God sees us and knows us exactly as we are and he loves us unconditionally.
Nothing you can ever do or say will make Him stop loving you. I love you that way too. No matter where you go or what you do...
Okay, time for a group hug....and this will be a big one since we're from all over the world....LOL!
posted by
Passionflower
on July 18, 2006 at 7:00 AM
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LOL Passion
I think you better stick to being my baby sister...though it would be well worth the millions we would make for the talk show circuit given I am OLDER than you!
posted by
bel_1965
on July 18, 2006 at 6:58 AM
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I'd like to volunteer to be your Mama...
Just don't do as I do...Do as I say. Okay???
posted by
Passionflower
on July 18, 2006 at 6:54 AM
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Thanks Offbeats
posted by
bel_1965
on July 18, 2006 at 5:36 AM
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LOL Corbin
I have always outranked him: I'm a civilian!!!
posted by
bel_1965
on July 18, 2006 at 5:36 AM
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bel
posted by
Offy
on July 18, 2006 at 5:34 AM
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Good for you.....
You certainly now have enough stars to outrank Carl.......
posted by
Corbin_Dallas
on July 18, 2006 at 5:27 AM
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Corbin
I'm actually doing pretty good. Granted there is a slight craving here and there but I can pretty well say I am a non-smoker at this point.
posted by
bel_1965
on July 18, 2006 at 5:20 AM
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BlondeAmbition
Thank you so much. I'm not entirely sure why I went to pieces last night. It's been many, many years since my mother has been in my life and the choice is as much mine as it is hers. But every now and again it sneaks up and catches me. I am always left to wonder why mothers are so toxic to their daughters.
posted by
bel_1965
on July 18, 2006 at 5:18 AM
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Glad you're feeling better.....
Are you still hanging tough?
posted by
Corbin_Dallas
on July 18, 2006 at 5:16 AM
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Bel
I'm sure from you reading my posts.......you know we have a lot in common. I was writing a blog earlier about missing something I never had with my Mother and Father too......I'm here for you! It is crazy now days.....I get surprised when a day goes by that I don't cry.........how can a person have so many tears in their system? I'm trying to will the tears a way, but it is hard. Thanks for sharing with us.
posted by
BlondeAmbition007
on July 18, 2006 at 5:15 AM
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Oh Teddy
posted by
bel_1965
on July 18, 2006 at 5:13 AM
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I never hugged my Mother...
when thunder makes itself known
when the air is filled with lightning
I think of where she is today
and where she once was
when a bluebird wings by
I recall the young boy asking
so many questions called Why
in a few weeks the stone
will be placed
perhaps it's then
I will finally
cry.
posted by
teddypoet_TheGoodByeFade
on July 18, 2006 at 5:10 AM
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Aw Dave
I am better today. Thank you.
posted by
bel_1965
on July 18, 2006 at 5:01 AM
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LOL Avant!
She loves you.
posted by
bel_1965
on July 18, 2006 at 5:00 AM
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Tanga
Wow! You are quite a distance from those you love.
posted by
bel_1965
on July 18, 2006 at 4:59 AM
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Fourcats
and I appreciate every one of you so very much.
posted by
bel_1965
on July 18, 2006 at 4:58 AM
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Katray
Thank you
posted by
bel_1965
on July 18, 2006 at 4:57 AM
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You just made me heave a big sigh as well. I was fine when I read Taps.
posted by
_dave_says_ack_
on July 18, 2006 at 2:18 AM
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Bel
My mom worries so much, it's as if she weren't ever there for me. All she can do is imagine the worst, then try to change what I'm doing so that she'll be safe.
posted by
avant-garde
on July 18, 2006 at 1:59 AM
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Moms
We know how you feel. Our closest relative is 3000Km away. Sometimes one just needs that extra comfort only a caring mother can offer.
posted by
Tanga
on July 18, 2006 at 12:16 AM
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safe to say we're all here for you.
.
posted by
fourcats
on July 17, 2006 at 11:01 PM
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posted by
Katray2
on July 17, 2006 at 9:10 PM
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OKie Dokie
I had my cry which in turn made me tired. I'm off to bed!!! Night everyone! Sunny keep looking for that new body store!
posted by
bel_1965
on July 17, 2006 at 9:05 PM
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Bel
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on July 17, 2006 at 8:59 PM
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Sunny
I am sorry! I'm feeling better, guess I just needed to get it out. Besides I'm on my way....we are buying great bodies remember!
posted by
bel_1965
on July 17, 2006 at 8:58 PM
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Oh Bel
Please don't make me cry again. I just did that yesterday.
How sad.
My mother was never nurturing.
Often I wish I had someone to hold me and cry too also
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on July 17, 2006 at 8:55 PM
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Shelly
I am so sorry. You have had a hell of a year yourself!
posted by
bel_1965
on July 17, 2006 at 8:49 PM
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Thank you Mysteria
I do have a wonderful life with a great deal of love...every now and again though I get a bit crazy.
posted by
bel_1965
on July 17, 2006 at 8:48 PM
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bel, I still see my mom but it's getting harder and harder to visit her..
she is in the early stages of Alzhiemer's and she's just getting worse. Sometimes I just can't stand being around her. I hate myself for it.
posted by
shelly_b
on July 17, 2006 at 8:47 PM
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I am so sorry for your pain and loss...I can fully relate as I have been
without a mom for a long long long time too. I wish that I could have her to rock me and hold me and tell me i am pretty and that everything will be okay... But hey this is about giving love and helping each other. We are here to help each other and I just want to say that I send warmth and heart and soul and love and hope that your tears are the healing kind....(((((((((
)))))))))))
posted by
mysteria
on July 17, 2006 at 8:47 PM
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Justi
Thank you so much.
posted by
bel_1965
on July 17, 2006 at 8:45 PM
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MC
God gives us all common sense...well most of us at least LOL! I have to protect my own children and the best way I can do that is to keep her away from them. Honestly, it is the best way to protect me too, but sometimes I wish it were different. Tonight is one of those nights.
posted by
bel_1965
on July 17, 2006 at 8:44 PM
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Bel-Ariala
I am so sorry you both are without. But in both your cases you are very strong women. I am sure you will always have fond memories of your mom Ariala. Bel you will be a much stronger mom yourself. I am sorry.
posted by
Justi
on July 17, 2006 at 8:42 PM
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Bel, I don't know the full story; however, my mother died two years ago,
and I miss her greatly -- fortunately I had her for 79 years and I will pray whatever the difficulty that God will help you resolve it!
posted by
MountainClimber57
on July 17, 2006 at 8:42 PM
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See she is there!
I don't fare well with women too often myself. I have a few close female friends but that took me 40 years! LOL!
posted by
bel_1965
on July 17, 2006 at 8:40 PM
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Yeah, I've been surrounded by boys/men all my life. My mom was my
closest female friend and relative. I just don't connect well with women and her and I did everything together. At least I still see her in my dreams. In the last dream she gave me a big kiss and hug. It brought tears of joy to me that morning when I woke.
posted by
Ariala
on July 17, 2006 at 8:37 PM
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Justi
I did a bit of writing on her the other day on my Conversations blog. It's a very long story but let's say it ends with her married to the man that molested both my sister and myself. I have my own babies to protect now and she is more than a bit toxic. In her eyes I am a monster for speaking up about her now husband.
posted by
bel_1965
on July 17, 2006 at 8:37 PM
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Ariala
I am sorry about your mom too. I know it has been hard. You were the only girls in the family. I'll remember you in my prayers.
posted by
Justi
on July 17, 2006 at 8:35 PM
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It is difficult, but each day I realize life is life, and death is death
posted by
Ariala
on July 17, 2006 at 8:34 PM
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bel
Honey I don't know the story with you and your mama. I wish is was all right. I am sorry that you don't have an active mom. I lost my moma 30 years ago and that is why I am writing my post to talk with her. Some days it is so hard to write there but other days it helps. You might try journaling and tell her what you wanted from her. Ask her why you didn't get it. It is helping me, it may help you. I know it is so hard.
posted by
Justi
on July 17, 2006 at 8:34 PM
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Ariala
I can't even begin to imagine how hard that is for you. She is still with you and I would venture to say that she looks out for you.
posted by
bel_1965
on July 17, 2006 at 8:31 PM
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I am still lost without mine...she died last May and every day I have to
deal with that fact.
posted by
Ariala
on July 17, 2006 at 8:29 PM
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