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Blanche
I'm sure you'll do well. I'm holding off for a little while, until we get settled in at our new place. Until then, I'm just honing my skills here as often as I can.
posted by
avant-garde
on July 3, 2006 at 6:15 PM
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It is a constant process, Avant-Garde, but well worth the trouble.
This post, btw, seems to have a lot of publishable potential. I hope your book is coming together.
posted by
Blanche.
on July 3, 2006 at 6:08 PM
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Blanche
It's a toughie, but so necessary to avoid delusion about what's really going on.
posted by
avant-garde
on July 3, 2006 at 6:05 PM
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Avant-Garde,
I believe you've said before that honesty is essential in change. Being honest with myself is one of the reasons why I blog.
posted by
Blanche.
on July 3, 2006 at 6:03 PM
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Blanche
It took a lot of reflecting and honesty with myself. I spent many hours thinking on things that I had always thought were real, only to find them illusory.
posted by
avant-garde
on July 3, 2006 at 6:00 PM
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That is a real blessing, that awareness, Avant Garde,
to come through all that and not be hardened or shattered is a gift, I believe. To come out the other side, and see life in a whole new way is exhilarating, life-affirming and liberating.
posted by
Blanche.
on July 3, 2006 at 3:30 PM
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Passionflower
What I have noticed is that most people become inured to it. They laugh at it and makes jokes about it. I think that it is a strong defense mechanism that keeps them dissociated from it.
posted by
avant-garde
on July 3, 2006 at 3:23 PM
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Blanche
It did me a lot of good to see these things. I can now look at my family and my life and see how fortunate I really am. What used to cause me to be afraid of everything has taught me gratitude.
posted by
avant-garde
on July 3, 2006 at 3:22 PM
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Good post! but how awful for you!
It's one of those difficult jobs that takes a special person.
posted by
Passionflower
on July 3, 2006 at 2:33 PM
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Avant-Garde,
You've seen some things that not many people have. I can't imagine how that wouldn't affect you. You wrote something a while ago on my blog that comes to mind: it's good to remember sometimes where you've been just see how good things are now. (that's a rough paraphrase).
Aside from that, sometimes I think that part of the emotional healing process is to examine the pieces, just to see how everything fits together. It's why I think that the people who have the best chance of living a healthy, full life are the ones who face their own inner demons, and those of the world around them. Just don't go TOO far down that rabbit hole.
posted by
Blanche.
on July 3, 2006 at 2:14 PM
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Rcky
Thanks. Sometimes I get into a mode of remembering things I've seen and experienced. Thank you for reading. It is hard to relate these things.
posted by
avant-garde
on July 3, 2006 at 1:48 PM
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Wow Scott........
Since I know you are a paramedic I often think of you when I see paramedics on TV and movies and all the situations they/you are exposed to, and yes some of the "dreggs of society." I couldn't handle it and in my opinion it takes a special kind of person for this job and thank God for that! I can understand how it can change a person forever. What a story! and you told it so well. I said it before but I am enjoying this part of your writing. Take care Scott, and know that you and your family are always in my prayers. 
posted by
RckyMtnActivist
on July 3, 2006 at 1:33 PM
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TAPS
And, I am more as you see me now than ever before. Yet, these memories are part of me, at a time when I thrust myself headlong into the darkest corners of the human experience. Sometimes, they don't even seem real, as if they were all part of a chimerical dream.
posted by
avant-garde
on July 3, 2006 at 1:07 PM
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avant-garde, Even though I have known from the beginning that you are a paramedic, I never picture you in a situation of this sort. It is quite shocking actually to see you in that setting. It is more pleasing to me to think of you with books or sitting at your computer dispensing words of wisdom posts.
posted by
TAPS.
on July 3, 2006 at 12:00 PM
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sannhet
Yes, you could say that. Although, at the time I would've scoffed at it.
posted by
avant-garde
on July 3, 2006 at 11:44 AM
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SYMPHONY
It was eerie to say the least. You really can't describe it accurately.
posted by
avant-garde
on July 3, 2006 at 11:43 AM
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Mason
I think there is a silent understanding among these types of people. Thank you.
posted by
avant-garde
on July 3, 2006 at 11:43 AM
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Cee
Being so sensitive, I think it affected me a lot more than a normal person.
posted by
avant-garde
on July 3, 2006 at 11:42 AM
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Cee
I've witnessed far too much violence in my life.
posted by
avant-garde
on July 3, 2006 at 11:41 AM
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Isa
This sort of thing is very insidious, because you feel justified in thinking it.
posted by
avant-garde
on July 3, 2006 at 11:41 AM
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Bright Irish
You've said in one comment more than I've received in my ten years of doing the job. Thank you.
posted by
avant-garde
on July 3, 2006 at 11:40 AM
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samhain
Thanks, my friend.
posted by
avant-garde
on July 3, 2006 at 11:40 AM
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Whacky
I used to check my apartment regularly. No matter how thoroughly I looked, I never felt safe.
posted by
avant-garde
on July 3, 2006 at 11:39 AM
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Avant -
The beginning of your spiritual crisis?
posted by
sannhet
on July 3, 2006 at 8:11 AM
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Wow.....so scary....thanks for sharing..
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 3, 2006 at 5:14 AM
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...so true...
..it changes you forever... you post flashed me back over thirty years ago... when I served for awhile in an army air/crash rescue unit... the burned and broken bodies of once living people... and it wasn't even a war zone... just stupid army maneuvers... such as waste... A very deep post, thanks for sharing..
posted by
MasonGarrett
on July 2, 2006 at 10:45 AM
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I must apologize!
I have switched brower's; this is a fourth attempt to communicate a comment...argh.... This one should work..... I am about to post a similar experience we have just had on a different scale, but about the same thing. The bottom line is that life is fleeting. All of God's creatures are so vulnerable. Life is here and then a minute later, it's gone. Being a witness to it brings it all home. Quite sobering for gentle, kind, and loving souls such as yourself. I feel for you.
Cee
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on July 2, 2006 at 9:41 AM
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Ooops!
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on July 2, 2006 at 9:34 AM
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And I was about to post my litle bog on witnessing violent act!
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on July 2, 2006 at 9:00 AM
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Thanks for sharing this story...
i fully understand you lost faith in a certain category of ppl...
posted by
Marshallengraved
on July 2, 2006 at 1:50 AM
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avant-garde
Hi .. I can understand your feelings of anger and mistrust due to the horrors that you've experienced. I hope that you can balance the lives you save and recognize how important and necessary your job is to all humanity. I don't think paramedics are given enough recognition for the selfless job they do.Thank You! 
posted by
BrightIrish
on July 1, 2006 at 5:18 PM
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posted by
syzygy
on July 1, 2006 at 4:04 PM
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Kind of scary!...Umm did I lock the back door?
I'd better go check.
posted by
Whacky
on July 1, 2006 at 1:32 PM
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