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WhiteJedi, Najwa, i-am
Thank you for your dearing comments.
posted by
coolacen
on June 29, 2006 at 10:09 PM
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mmm...intersting...
You have a nice knack for end rhyming. I've always struggled to do end rhyming without it sounding stitlted. You also describe the pain of a break up in an original way. The pleading line felt repetitive after a while. Maybe rewording the line a couple times would help. This is my own observation and really a matter of personal taste. Other readers may disagree. That's fine. One thing that comes through very clearly is your feelings of confusion, pain and hurt. I guess the best advice I can give you is find a friend to talk to. Have a good cry and hug. Sometimes we beat ourselves up more than is deserved. Hope things get better.
posted by
WhiteJedi
on June 29, 2006 at 11:21 AM
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YOU ARE THE REAL YOU YOUR LOVE WILL NEVER DRY OR DIE AND WHO LOVES INDEED HE OR SHE WILL NEVER LEAVE NO MATTER WHAT IS THE LIFE TRIP NO ONE CAN FOR HIS LOVER SKIP.
posted by
NAJWA
on June 29, 2006 at 8:22 AM
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Try and let it go...
posted by
i-am
on June 29, 2006 at 7:04 AM
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