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- Go to One's Enemies Afford The Greatest Lessons
Mason
Thanks, my friend. I hope you are doing well.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 16, 2006 at 1:04 AM
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Isa
We have experienced this lately with the selling of our house. People show up unannounced, and think it's an open house. Or, they make appts. and then don't show, don't call. It's so inconsiderate. I've gotten very angry a couple of times.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 16, 2006 at 1:03 AM
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whacky
Thanks.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 16, 2006 at 1:02 AM
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sometimes...
i regret being nice with ppl...i have experienced some recent disappointments regarding ppl...ppl are ready to use you, but i noticed that many of them are ready to "shit on you" when rhey don't need you any more...i have gotten that from artists too...
hopefully there are still a few nice ppl left...
posted by
Marshallengraved
on June 16, 2006 at 1:02 AM
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bel
It's sad to hear stories like this one. There are so many things to be thankful for, and so many of us are determined not to see it.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 16, 2006 at 1:02 AM
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una
Thank you, as always!
posted by
avant-garde
on June 16, 2006 at 1:01 AM
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Bright Irish
My own mother and I have a relationship as you describe. It's sad in a way, but in another it has taught me a great deal about courage.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 16, 2006 at 1:00 AM
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..great post!
posted by
MasonGarrett
on June 15, 2006 at 11:28 PM
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<img src="http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Images/Emoticons/emsmile.gif" />
posted by
Whacky
on June 15, 2006 at 8:42 PM
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Avant
I wish it were me, then I could have made changes. She is not your usual, typical mother and she did a good deal of harm to my husband and my child. When the relationship was severed, it was Carl's choice solely, as I have done with other things that trouble me I simply supported any decision he made...I won't lie and say I wasn't relieved when he made the one he did, but I tried very hard not to influence his choice.
posted by
bel_1965
on June 15, 2006 at 7:33 PM
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Avant garde--I have been trying not to blame others but instead look inside
myself for the root of any problems. Good entry, as always!
posted by
una01
on June 15, 2006 at 7:28 PM
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avant-garde
Hi.. I agree with Taps and her interruptration. I also concidered my mother-in-law a evil person.. At first I tried hard to have her like me and then I started to really believe that if she liked me then I would not be able to like myself .. in other words > the less she thought of me the more I liked myself, her opinion didn't matter.
posted by
BrightIrish
on June 15, 2006 at 6:41 PM
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Blanche
I know not one person who doesn't have an 'issue' with his or her mother. I wonder if that's the way it works!
posted by
avant-garde
on June 15, 2006 at 5:51 PM
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Blanche
Every person we interact with is our teacher, for they show us about ourselves. By judging the person, we not only are projecting our shortcomings on them, but we are missing the opportunity present.
That opportunity is that we have a choice whether or not to accept and love others exactly the way they are; and, in doing so, we realize they hold no power over how we feel.
It is when we want something from others that we are no longer 'free', and feel the need to find things through them. A sacrifice is made, one that leaves us feeling as if our existence stems from the whims of circumstance.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 15, 2006 at 5:50 PM
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Avant-Garde,
I've read and re-read this one several times. "spurned"? "avoid them and an opportunity for healing is passed by", is healing always possible? I agree that I am new to the idea of projection, that one took me a while to grasp, now I look for it.
What is the ultimate outcome?
posted by
Blanche.
on June 15, 2006 at 3:34 PM
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Avant-Garde,
I'm lucky, I'll probably never have a mother-in-law, MG, my boyfriend, left home at 16, took from Wichita and left when it got to be too much and has never been back. He had to, it was him or her.
posted by
Blanche.
on June 15, 2006 at 1:25 PM
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TAPS
Precisely my point. The ones we hate the most show us where our work lies within ourselves. Thank you.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 15, 2006 at 1:18 PM
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bel
Why did I have a feeling it was a mother in law? I had hell with mine the first two years, but it was me and not her. She is still the same person, as TAPS said, but I've changed.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 15, 2006 at 1:17 PM
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avant-garde, before I read the comments and what bel said, I was already silently shouting "MOTHER-IN-LAW" During the first decade of my married life, I actually did consider her my enemy. She never, ever changed. She was exactly the same at age 94 when she died. But, I changed. I actually learned to understand that it did not matter if she changed or not because I had changed and I had learned some of life's lessons that I needed to learn because of her.
posted by
TAPS.
on June 15, 2006 at 1:06 PM
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Avant
She was my husband's mother, I had to TRY. At this point she became so toxic not only to me but also to him and children that he removed her from our lives. As I said sadly with some the best you can do is just stay away from them.
posted by
bel_1965
on June 15, 2006 at 12:49 PM
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sannhet
Yes, my friend. Namaste.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 15, 2006 at 12:43 PM
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bel
I would daresay that you give your power away to this person, by trying to work to get her to accept you. Some people will never like us as individuals, no matter what. This will stop being a concern if that person is freed from the want of approval.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 15, 2006 at 12:42 PM
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Isa
It is hard to know where the line is, between helping others and being used. Sometimes the line is crossed when attachments have already been made.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 15, 2006 at 12:40 PM
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redwood
Yes, I think it all has to do with intention. After all, if we hate ourselves and think someone out there can provide us with love, do we not hate them for what they cannot possibly provide?
posted by
avant-garde
on June 15, 2006 at 12:39 PM
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Avant -
Learn from them, and the divine will continue to grow. . .
posted by
sannhet
on June 15, 2006 at 9:42 AM
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I don't know that this always works
There is one person in particular that comes to mind, that I have tried to make peace with, tried to be kind to and let the nasty hateful things she says and does just fall by the wayside. But at what point to do you refuse to allow another to mistreat you and simply just stay away?
posted by
bel_1965
on June 15, 2006 at 5:52 AM
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well...
i think i have a lot to learn regarding enemies...i punched one of my enemies right in the face last month...she kept provoking me and it drove me mad...i couldn't control myself...all the bad things she had done to me (besides stealing my money in my apt) went back into my memory...
posted by
Marshallengraved
on June 15, 2006 at 5:24 AM
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avant- It seems that some people are born with the ability to diffuse any
situation. Others seems to be locked into a never ending love/hate syndrome with everybody and every thing. Remember the old Robert Mitchum movie about the guy who had "love" tattooed on one fist and "hate"tattooed on the other?
posted by
redwood
on June 15, 2006 at 4:42 AM
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