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Avant-Garde,
Looking beyond the anger to the roots of anger: fear and insecurity are enlightening as well, an exercise in self-knowledge. However, admitting to myself that I like a little drama, am less than spritually pure is hard sometimes.
posted by
Blanche.
on June 5, 2006 at 4:36 PM
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Blanche
It takes courage to be honest, especially when there is no anger fueling it.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 5, 2006 at 4:33 PM
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Bravo, AG, I think you hit what I'm aiming for on the nose:
to express myself and stand up for myself clearly and calmly, accepting that whoever I am dealing with, may or may not receive it as I hope. "Striving with others' to me indicates ego and pride, as opposed to seeking a win-win resolution for all parties, peace and co-existence among equals.
The non-egoistic path takes work and some soul-searching, it's not the ingrained, cultural pattern.
posted by
Blanche.
on June 5, 2006 at 1:04 PM
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avant garde...
I'm doing good, thanks...happy to leave France within 7 weeks...
posted by
Marshallengraved
on June 5, 2006 at 1:02 PM
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Blanche
I think it's more about how you approach it, rather than what is said. If it is done calmly and in a friendly way, you can damn near get away with saying exactly what's on your mind.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 5, 2006 at 12:59 PM
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bel
Precisely! It is very self-defeating. And posts that are meant to get even have no true originality. They are mostly just rants.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 5, 2006 at 12:52 PM
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Beautiful
posted by
Blanche.
on June 5, 2006 at 12:51 PM
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Good point, Avant-Garde, "non-violent confrontation" is an art a friend is
studying, as a lawyer. Some of the principles seem a little unrealistic, given what I think of as human nature. I am getting better at clearly asserting myself, but not always at letting it go at that. Not being triggered into a reaction, but seeing clearly the whole pattern in the moment is a lesson that I keep working on. The biggest lessons come from the biggest challenges, I believe.
posted by
Blanche.
on June 5, 2006 at 12:51 PM
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Blanche
No, not yet. My mom and sister came up to visit. They haven't seen the boys in quite some time. We sat around and laughed and carried on all morning. It was nice to see them.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 5, 2006 at 12:51 PM
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Isa
Hello. How are you doing today?
posted by
avant-garde
on June 5, 2006 at 12:50 PM
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sannhet
I thought about leaving it just that one line. Thanks.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 5, 2006 at 12:49 PM
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jacenta
Such is the power of forgiveness. Thank you so much for sharing that.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 5, 2006 at 12:49 PM
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Blanche
I'm much better than I used to be. Now, when I feel offended, I just speak up and things seem to go much smoother.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 5, 2006 at 12:49 PM
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TAPS
No winners, and all losers. Thanks.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 5, 2006 at 12:47 PM
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abhilasha
I like the traveler analogy. And, pain does follow those who seek vengeance. But, the great thing is that another path can be chosen, one which frees both parties as if nothing ever were.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 5, 2006 at 12:46 PM
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Isa
I know how that is. But, a new place brings new enemies.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 5, 2006 at 12:45 PM
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I have found hanging onto anger
is always so very draining. When one is spending time seeking a way to "get even", they are losing precious time they could be making their own lives happier.
posted by
bel_1965
on June 5, 2006 at 11:31 AM
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Hey, Avant-Garde, are you busy moving?
posted by
Blanche.
on June 5, 2006 at 11:28 AM
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Just stopping by...
to say hello...
posted by
Marshallengraved
on June 5, 2006 at 9:58 AM
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Avant -
Love that first line. It says it all.
posted by
sannhet
on June 5, 2006 at 8:34 AM
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avant-garde....
Sometimes, it isn't easy to let it go and just forgive, but it makes a happy, healthier me, although I'll stand up for myself when necessary, but I try to chose my battles wisely. The last time I felt unjustly treated, I voiced my hurt and I ended up giving the gal a hug, because she was having a bad day. Of course, I accepted her apology.
posted by
jacentaOld
on June 4, 2006 at 10:30 PM
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..it's good and therapeutic to draw about it....
posted by
MasonGarrett
on June 4, 2006 at 6:43 PM
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Avant-Garde,
It's a cycle that needs to stop. I'm done playing my part.
posted by
Blanche.
on June 4, 2006 at 1:17 PM
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avant-garde, Its a big trap where all who participate are caught and no one ever wins.
posted by
TAPS.
on June 4, 2006 at 7:41 AM
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hiiiii
walking along our paths we see the richer travellers ...we follow their shadows & make their goals our own...then we meet their enemies & find them our own...you are right here ...we are never satisfied with what we have ....or what we are..and vengeance never ends anything it only starts another chapter of pain for ourselves...
posted by
abhilasha
on June 4, 2006 at 6:49 AM
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honestly...
when my enemies cross my road , i have thoughts of vengeance crossing through my mind...i'm happy i'm leaving my hometown!
posted by
Marshallengraved
on June 4, 2006 at 2:57 AM
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Una
Yes, I think it is. I've been this way most of my life, and this type of anger can easily turn to rage. I've heard it expressed that standing up for yourself immediately and politely is the quickest and most effective way of expressing anger. And, it doesn't even appear as anger, because it is in its controllable form.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 4, 2006 at 1:55 AM
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Cee
I love to watch football. But, I get too attached to certain teams sometimes, and I notice that it affects my moods.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 4, 2006 at 1:52 AM
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Trevor
I think wisdom has shed its light upon you.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 4, 2006 at 1:51 AM
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straightfoward
And, I've experienced it many times.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 4, 2006 at 1:49 AM
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Whacky
That's correct.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 4, 2006 at 1:49 AM
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Passionflower
I think every human is, but we go about trying to achieve it differently.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 4, 2006 at 1:48 AM
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blackcat
It's not all what it's cracked up to be.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 4, 2006 at 1:48 AM
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Avant-garde, when I take offence from someone,
I may bottle up my anger right on spot. And my anger grows to a point that I have to voice it out to the person who has caused it. In this way, my anger is released. I don't know whether it is the mildest form of vengeance.
posted by
una01
on June 4, 2006 at 1:09 AM
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hmmmm-
This insight comes on the heels of yet another heathen competition, the NBA Championship games. (of which I will attach myself to a team and have fun rooting for them.......)
Cee
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on June 3, 2006 at 10:15 PM
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ery
Very true: Vengeance does produce paranoia. I am learning finally to forgive rather than seek vengeance. That's a slippery slope towards self-destruction.
posted by
Trevor_Cunnington
on June 3, 2006 at 8:40 PM
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You mean I'm jst avoiding myself? Humm.
posted by
Whacky
on June 3, 2006 at 8:06 PM
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Yes, vengeance produces paranoia. I've also observed it.
posted by
Straightforward
on June 3, 2006 at 6:45 PM
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I'm a peace-loving sort myself.
posted by
Passionflower
on June 3, 2006 at 5:56 PM
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I've never been one to seek vengeance... not yet anyways. LOL
posted by
-blackcat
on June 3, 2006 at 5:31 PM
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