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Azur-
I have noticed that this community of writers are ALL astute, well 99%, (I can think of one exception), and our comment and Cunni's are both correct. You are reading with a woman's heart so you feel my pain and disappointment. I just told my husband that I can't imagine being anywhere else this morning. So the dream is becoming pretty fuzzy. In fact, I asked him if he remembers (and he does) where we have almost desperation sex, the tussling under the covers and the wrapping of limbs; he described it as flopping on each other; it happened twice last night and one time before that. Then we settle down and sleep! I distinctly remember having a dream about it while doing it the second time this morning. We definitely sleep in each other's arms since October which we hadn't done since our early twenties. We had a family bed with each kid and still had an active sex life throughout, but I hadn't snuggled everynight until the affair. or after it. This is the only forum, however, where I speak my true heart. No one else in my life is privy to those and yet through writing about it, I open my most intimate thoughts about myself worldwide. And feel comfortable doing it. You are ALL people I write to, flesh and blood, yet not threatening to me. (99%) I
truly connect through energy and thought. I
feel it coming back from all of you. Interesting phenomena......
Azur, thank you for your comment and for reading so perceptively.
Cee
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on May 8, 2006 at 7:02 AM
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ceemarie53
Cunninglinguist is right. You do write this in a matter of fact way but i am not sure you really are matter of fact about it. It is hard to let go of all the fantasies attached to the May date but then again fantasies are allowed. Just don't let them push out all else. Take care
posted by
Azur
on May 8, 2006 at 4:33 AM
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Qween-
Thank you for your kindest of sentiments. You are so sweet, so so caring! I AM doing a lot better today; not quite so lonely.Thanks for reading, sweetie!
Let's have a beer sometime!
Cee
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on May 6, 2006 at 7:43 PM
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uki-
I know there are two things there are important to a man's middle-aged vitality and that is thyroid and testosterone levels. My hubby is low in both and he hasn't worn his test. patch for two days. The doctor said it may contribute to high blood pressure. His bp
has been up lately. Of course, there's the effects of his stress, of his anti-stress PILLS, and so on and so on. Cardio-vascular health can play into it (good blood circulation). He tried Viagra but it didn't work once and the other two times left him with a headache. So there are a lot of reasons why men slow down.
My gynocologist said to me once, when we were discussing this, that snuggling is nice but sometimes we women want more. He said his wife had just told him the same thing that morning! He thought we wanted more snuggling. My sister thought it was a
hoot we discussed it at all! "Only my sister would discuss her sex life with her gyno," she said, and I asked her, "Don't you?"
Cee
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on May 6, 2006 at 7:40 PM
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Cunni-
Not only are you funny, you are astute as well. Yes, I was ready for a change and we kept making discoveries about each other beyond the kids that had fooled around in college. He admitted that he had a lot more warts than he'd let show and I imagine you are right. He would have had trouble dealing with my degenerating condition. His love was genuine but his resolve to follow his heart was a bust. I would agree that I was the stronger of the two. I am in my marriage, too. I read recently how many men who are left by their wives are suicidal and a high percentage of them carry through mainly because their wives are the only person they talk to. I feared that; our marriage counselor even asked my husband if he had thoughts of suicide. It was such a relief to have it out in the open. I thought that would be the ultimate revenge. He'd be gone and leave me holding the proverbial bag. (and I told him so)
Well, we're doing pretty good. He's withdrawn into himself again like he was before, but he holds my hand in public or offers me his arm. He's not real comfortable with it (like Mike was) but he's trying.
Thanks for your observations!
Cee!
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on May 6, 2006 at 7:29 PM
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"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." Lennon
You seem like a very strong woman. This has to be very painful, but you write about it very matter-of-factly. You told him to grow up when he said not to mention intimacy between you and your husband, and the feel I get from it all is that you simply were the more adult person in this relationship. As long as things stayed simple, he would stay with you. Maybe he's just a little afraid, too. You know? Maybe he got spooked because of your illness and thinking about what he might have to see you go through. The problem isn't commenting on what you've written, it's commenting without leaving six paragraphs of what would be uninformed speculation on my part.
What I really want to say is that I'm sorry you had to go through/are going through this. God(dess) bless you. You continue to stay firm without being rigid and without being bitter. 
posted by
CunningLinguist
on May 6, 2006 at 12:58 PM
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so
there is something about the marraige bed sutting down? I thought it was just my husband who has shut down.
posted by
QuailNest
on May 6, 2006 at 12:38 PM
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Cee ~
As always I pray for your healing
posted by
ALWAYSALOVER
on May 6, 2006 at 10:44 AM
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Thanks Sophiste-
I know I make it rough to comment one way or the other. What you get (the feelings) from my writing is a worthy comment to be sure. Thanks for reading!
Cee
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on May 6, 2006 at 10:40 AM
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It is Hard to Make a Comment
I am a believer that old loves must stay there, if some one will get hurt, such as a current love, especially a marriage partner. In the last couple months two boyfriends from teenage years saw my Mom and asked about me. She had to tell me in front of my husband naturally. I had the chance yesterday to tell her that it serves no purpose for these guys to ask about me. They made other choices that led to us not being together and I really am not interested in them asking about me. Their wives do not look good and did not achieve professionally as I did. My husband did not, as they did. I feel they looked at what was in their face at the time and did not think of the long term benefits.
Anyway!! Thanks for commenting on my post and I feel the pain and joy in your writing!
posted by
Dr_JPT
on May 6, 2006 at 9:52 AM
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Angel-
Just thank you for patiently reading about this all over again! Yes, I have felt lied to but then what Jay must feel, the pain I put him through, I won't do that again. I lied to him for months. So I guess that's Karma! Same goes with being honorable.
It was the guilt that took Mike back to his wife. And I had asked him so many times how he felt about us both becoming "adulterers." THAT word made him squirm. We were both first timers (and probably last timers). He really laughed when I said, as we started to make love again after 29 years, that we were married virgins; 1st time cheaters with each other. I was always more forthright when it came to just saying it. I also said that in a contested divorce, we would be the parties that were the wrong-doers. I don't think he'd thought it through to the nasty end, and he certainly thought she'd agree to a divorce no argument. But none of what WE thought, happened.
Cee
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on May 6, 2006 at 9:40 AM
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I still don't know what to say, other than I am thinking of you and can
feel your pain! It just sucks, doesn't it, that is the best way that I can describe the feeling of being lied to... Finding out that someone isn't who you thought they were, aren't as honorable as you they presented themselves to be..
angel
posted by
anglofinspirtion
on May 6, 2006 at 9:14 AM
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